Friday, October 03, 2014


"An Open Letter to My Democratic Spammer", by William Rivers Pitt.

Are you, by chance, feeling a bit ragged around the edges? On the verge of disaster? Perhaps even a bit doomed?

Me, too!

I can't imagine why...

...oh, wait. I know exactly why. I looked at my email this week.

"TRAGIC Conclusion," read one.

"Terrible News (JUST NOW)," read another.

"CANCEL NOTICE," read another.

"we. will. fail." read another.

And another, just like those. And another. And another. And another.

It wasn't the end of the world, as it turns out. It was, in fact, the master plan of some fundraiser fuzzwit for the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, who decided the thing to do is to scream manically into every email address available using panic-riddled headlines designed to make you click them open, because Jesus, what if?

"Terrible News (JUST NOW)." Oh, no, what happened? "CANCEL NOTICE." What didn't I pay for? "TRAGIC Conclusion." Oh God, who died?

Probably 300 emails like this in my in-box since the weekend, one after the other prophesying calamity...unless I gave $5 to the Democrats.

That's precisely my inbox as well.  I unsubscribe, they keep coming.  They've sold my e-address to so many different campaigns so many times it's ridiculous.

You want my money? Really? After decades of sucking up to Wall Street and the "defense" industry, you're telling me, over and over and over again, that you're hat-in-hand broke?

My ass. You have pornographically wealthy friends, and you bow and scrape to them every chance you get, to my detriment, and to the detriment of everyone I know, all of whom you've pestered for money.

As you send your hundreds of emails seeking cash for a party that is stacked from pillar to post with a Who's Who of Wall Street insiders, the rest of us scratch by as best we can in this catastrophe of an economy you most certainly helped to create, if only through your ongoing and ignominious cowardice. To be battered with begging emails about how oh-so broke you are is, frankly, a bridge too far. You have a job, email fiend, for now. Count your blessings.

Like me, Will Pitt -- whom I've known for almost the entire decade-plus I've blogged -- is mostly a Progressive Democrat, until the Democratic Party pushes him over the edge.  Which happens fairly regularly for me and apparently him, and particularly when they dump a daily avalanche of spam.  It's ten a day at minimum.  I suppose I should be glad that I get in a month what Pitts gets in a weekend -- 300 fundraising solicitation e-mails -- mostly going to the spam filter but then they change the sender's name and it sneaks past.  Begging, threatening, wheedling, cajoling, and yes, hints of suicidal desperation.

You know that 'motivating by fear' thing I've mentioned a few times?  This isn't how to do it.

Say what you will about the Republicans, but you cannot fault their tactics when it comes to winning. They are a minority in the United States, by the numbers, but they are running the show both politically and economically, and for one reason: they fire up their base. Sure, "firing up their base" means gay-bashing, and woman-hating, and Jesus-shouting, and war-mongering...but it works. In the fourteenth year of this brave new century, the party everyone hates and thinks is crazy, according to all the polls, is about to take over the Senate and increase its hold on the House.

It's not a magic trick, and it's not a mystery, why that is about to happen. The Republicans are acting like Republicans, and the people who support them will run through stone walls to vote for them. [...] If Democrats acted like Democrats, they might enjoy the same level of support from their own base...but instead, the people are presented with this eternally timid "Please Don't Hurt Me" coalition, afraid of the word "Liberal," and certainly addicted to the Wall Street/Defense/Petroleum money swelling their coffers. You ain't broke, despite that barrage of emails to the contrary.

Dead solid perfect.  Keep going, dude.

You support fracking while giving lip-service to climate change? You want Keystone XL approved, despite the fact that it will run the world's dirtiest fuel through our breadbasket and over our main aquifer in a pipeline that is dead-bang guaranteed to leak? You endorse the Trans-Pacific Partnership agreement? You're satisfied with the barren lack of accounting meted to the Wall Street brigands who stole our future? You're down with a third war in Iraq?

Wait, you don't support all that? But you won't stand against it, because you're afraid of losing votes or campaign money?

My heroes.

There's a lot more, but Imma let him finish.

Come November, if the Democrats wind up flopping and flailing for an explanation as to why they got routed at the polls, let me offer a succinct reply: You stand for nothing. You are the Washington Generals to the Harlem Globetrotters. Everyone expects you to go down to defeat, because you always lay down, because you are paid to do so.

It doesn't have to be that way, but that's the way it is. When the midterms eat you alive, remember what I said. When you stand for nothing, you get nothing in return.

Write me an email about that.

If some "my party right or wrong" Democrats give me some rationalizations for this -- i.e. that spamming their supporters is what's necessary to be competitive with the GOP -- I'm going to laugh out loud in their face.

Update: Ramona's Voices makes the same point.

1 comment:

Ted McLaughlin said...

I don't even read them anymore -- just delete them as soon as I see them.