Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Upper respiratory bloggerrhea

-- The perils of pet ownership are beginning to wear on me: last week I caught a cold, probably at the vet's office since there were a bunch of sick people in there. It's the damn upper respiratory crud, with all of the attendant phlegm-hacking as it runs its course. Despite having the headache that neither aspirin nor naproxin could make go away, last Friday I took Teddi out for a little fetch-the-ball and stepped into a hole, badly twisting my ankle. As I writhed in pain on the ground, my little puppy gleefully jumped on my back and licked inside my ear, thinking that my being at her level was a brand new game. Limping and coughing all the way back home didn't seem to concern man's best friend too much; she anticipated my fresh loogies with the enthusiasm she might show to a dead frog in the road or another dog's ass, which is to say she got all up on it with her nose and tongue.

Naturally the past week's infirmities have placed a greater burden of canine responsibility on my wife, who walks the dog upon arising at five a.m. and again at seven, then again when she gets home in the evening at least twice, the final trip usually taking place around 11 p.m.

These are among the many reasons we never had children. And I certainly expected some changes in our lifestyle to be sure, but after a few thousand dollars of veterinary care and feeding and supplies, not to mention soiled carpet and chewed-up baseboards and cabinetry and the hours upon hours invested in simple service to the puppy, I find myself reaching the point of diminishing marginal returns more and more often (when I was hoping after nearly six months that it would be less).

Despite 10 weeks of obedience training Teddi still hasn't learned to maintain control over her bladder, and whines to go out every few hours. Next week is her spay appointment, and I have warned her that she'll really have something to cry about then. She doesn't seem to get it.

-- Rocket Clemens is going to New York to be with his butthole buddy Andy Pettitte, but of course it's not about the money. I hope the young couple is happy together, and that the Yankees miss the World Series (again).

-- Why does the NRA hate America? Did you know a person could be on a terrorist watch list and still purchase as many guns as they wanted?

-- The White House threatened another veto, so the House expanded the definition of hate crimes to include gays and people targeted because of their gender. The ultra-conservatives declared the legislation to be a threat to their "right to express moral opposition to homosexuality". No shit.

-- The scandal-plagued Texas Youth Commission adopts a policy of "don't say a thing".

-- Ted Poe is a complete fool. To stand in the well of the House and quote an Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan is one thing, but to quote a losing general in a civil war in a debate over Iraq simply drips with irony. This stupid bastard would still be sentencing people to wear sandwich boards that say "I beat my wife" if it weren't for Tom DeLay and his redistricting scheme.

-- Mitt Romney thinks "it's entirely possible" that Iraq's WMDs were hidden in Syria. You know, even George Bush isn't that stupid.

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