Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Another six months. Tops.

Lifted in its entirety:


"It's a great day at Fred Kagan Neocon Plumbing! How may I help you?"

"Yeah, this is Gladys Higginbotham. You worked on my toilet a few months ago."

"Yes, Mrs. Higginbotham. You must be calling to thank me for doing such a good job."

"No, actually I'm calling because there's raw sewage exploding out of my bowl and I need you to try something else."

"Well, I'm afraid that's impossible, ma'am. You must be looking at someone else's toilet. Because you know our motto: 'We fix it real good the first time so there's no need for Plan B.'"

"Well, you better get over here because there's shit flying out of my john because of your Plan A."

"Look, ma'am, I understand these are tough times. But you have to trust us. We listened very carefully to the plumbers on the ground and acted accordingly. Give it a chance to work. I mean, the job's barely a few months old. Another three months is all we ask -- six tops -- and then we can reassess the results and adjust the plumbing strategy accordingly. I'm sure it's already starting to get better."

"So you're saying that the stream of fecal matter that's flowing out of my bathroom, down the steps and into my living room is normal."

"Totally to be expected, Mrs. Higginbotham. Trust us... we've been experts at this since early 2003."

"Well, okay, but... six months tops."

"Of course. Six months. Tops."

To be continued.

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