Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Which breed are you?

Via Gary, and from this book. Take the test:

  1. Which bumper sticker would you most likely put on your car?
    1. I’m Already Against the Next War
    2. Nice Hummer—Sorry About Your Penis
    3. America: One Nation Under Surveillance
    4. Of Course It Hurts, You’re Getting Screwed by an Elephant
    5. Evolution Is Just a Theory . . . Kind of Like Gravity
    6. May the Fetus You Save Be Gay

  2. A second civil war has just broken out in America. Who is to blame?
    1. Imperialistic neocons—for launching simultaneous wars against Iran, North Korea, and France
    2. Global warming deniers—for bringing us an eco-apocalypse
    3. The South—for never having gotten over the fact that they lost the first War of Northern Aggression
    4. Corporate greedmongers—for outsourcing every last American job to Bangalore
    5. FOX News—for fomenting a war with a flashy “March to Civil War” logo and theme music
    6. Bible-thumping puritans—for banning abortion, gay people, and sex

  3. An asteroid is headed for Earth. You have a seat on the last shuttle off the planet. If you could bring only one book with which to build a future civilization, what would it be?
    1. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, by Robert Pirsig
    2. An Inconvenient Truth, by Al Gore
    3. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams
    4. A People’s History of the United States, by Howard Zinn
    5. Origin of Species, by Charles Darwin
    6. America (The Book): A Citizen’s Guide to Democracy Inaction, by Jon Stewart

  4. If the Founding Fathers were alive today, they would be most appalled by which of the following?
    1. The Republicans’ blatant manipulation of terror fears for partisan gain
    2. America’s crack-like addiction to Saudi oil
    3. President Bush’s blatant dictatorial power grab
    4. Government of, by, and for corporate cronies
    5. The hijacking of government by radical Christian wackjobs
    6. That hemp is illegal. Come on, what wasn't clear about the "pursuit of happiness"?

  5. If you could time-travel back to any historical event and bring one thing with you, what would you choose?
    1. The 1967 Summer of Love—with a truckload of condoms
    2. The dawn of the Industrial Revolution—with a copy of the Kyoto Protocol
    3. The day before Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans—with FEMA
    4. The day Monica Lewinsky brought Bill Clinton pizza—with a copy of the Starr Report
    5. Election Day 2000 in Palm Beach County—with non-butterfly ballots
    6. The night of Howard Dean’s 2004 Iowa concession speech—with a tranquilizer dart

  6. If you were a candidate for political office, what would your theme song be?
    1. “Peace Train,” by Cat Stevens
    2. “It’s Not Easy Being Green,” by Kermit the Frog
    3. “Fight the Power,” by Public Enemy
    4. “Born in the U.S.A.,” by Bruce Springsteen
    5. “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For,” by U2
    6. “Not Ready to Make Nice,” by the Dixie Chicks

  7. If you could pile any three people into a naked pyramid, who would you choose?
    1. George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld
    2. The CEOs of Exxon, Chevron, and Shell
    3. Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, and Samuel Alito
    4. Enron’s Jeffrey Skilling, Andrew Fastow,and the ghost of Ken Lay
    5. Bill O’Reilly, Ann Coulter, and Rush Limbaugh
    6. Revs. Pat Robertson, James Dobson, and Ted Haggard

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