This week's GOP Screw-up Round-up

If we leave the Bush Monarchy out of it and focus solely on the presidential candidate comedy troupe, we find a pretty funny collection. First up, Fred "The Second Coming of Reagan" Thompson:

Fred Thompson, who is weighing a Republican presidential bid as a social conservative, "has no recollection" of performing lobbying work in 1991 for a family planning group that was seeking to relax an abortion counseling rule, a spokesman said Friday.

Write him off. Getting paid for advocating for reproductive freedom when you're supposed to be a fundamentalist is the kiss of death. Then again, this is just the kind of rank hypocrisy that the last vestiges of the Republican base laps up like thirsty dogs. That he's working the Alberto Gonzales/Sergeant Schultz defense right from the get-go suggests it's his only way out.

Next, Mitt Romney's porno problem:

Republican presidential contender Mitt Romney, who rails against pornography, is being criticized by social conservatives who argue that he should have tried to halt hardcore hotel movie offerings during his near-decade on the Marriott board.

Two conservative activists say the distribution of such graphic adult movies runs counter to the family image cultivated by Romney, the Marriotts and their shared Mormon faith.

"Marriott is a major pornographer. And even though he may have fought it, everyone on that board is a hypocrite for presenting themselves as family values when their hotels offer 70 different types of hardcore pornography," said Phil Burress, president of Citizens for Community Values, an anti-pornography group based in Ohio.

Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, a leading conservative group in Washington, said: "They have to assume some responsibility. It's their hotels, it's their television sets."

During a recent Associated Press interview, Romney said he did not recall pornography coming up for discussion while he was on the Marriott board from 1992 to 2001. He also said he was unaware of how much revenue pornography may have generated for the hotel chain.

Once again, a Republican presidential candidate cannot recall selling himself out from under conservative val-yews. Who will the fundies turn to now? Newt?

John McCain is going down in flames. Ron Paul has more money than Senator Surge; the Maverick is going to be the first one forced to quit the race. The guy who's been leading in the polls for the Republics the past year, the famously cross-dressing Rudy Giuliani, is also quite stupid relative to historical comparisons. No surprise there. Again, most conservatives are equally ignorant of facts, so they may not hold it against him.

Is there a second-tier candidate who can capitalize on the front-runners' missteps? Duncan "Ann Coulter is a great American" Hunter? Tom "Kill the Illegals" Tancredo? Mike "WTF?" Huckabee? I know I'm leaving out some conservative stalwart ...

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and the Right has got to be feeling mighty queasy these days.