"If you watch the news like I do, you know the Obama administration is embroiled in so many scandals that trying to pick which one to report on is like trying to pick which of your children to impeach. For the record, it’s the one who ate chips in Daddy's den."
-- Stephen Colbert
"If they don't fix these crises pretty soon, honest to God, it could bring gridlock to a screeching halt."
-- David Letterman