Texas Tea Time this weekend (and more minority reports)

The last time our loudest, whitest, most bigoted friends had a get-together it was at the LaMarque dog track to sing the praises of the Pizza Man. This Saturday they're drawing straws to let Rick Perry win something. Or maybe Ron Paul. Big Daddy Cain will be there again.

Former Texas Congressman Dick Armey, former presidential candidate Herman Cain and the Republican candidates hoping to succeed U.S. Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison are among the prominent names scheduled to speak to a weekend gathering of tea partiers at Minute Maid Park.

Sponsored by a coalition of Houston-area tea party groups, the Saddle Up Straw Poll gives attendees the opportunity to express their preferences in the presidential race, congressional races and Texas legislative races. About 1,000 people are expected to attend the two-day event. Voters must have a valid Texas ID.

"The goal is not to steer people towards one candidate or another, or promote only the Texas candidates Perry and Paul, or to promote a 'tea party' candidate, but to host a poll that more likely reflects the actual Republican primary voters," said event spokeswoman Felicia Cravens in a statement on the website Full Metal Patriot.

At least they're no longer pretending to be anything but Republicans. That's a good first step toward self-awareness. Most relevant items needed for this meetup:

Voters must have a valid Texas ID.

...and...

Tickets at the door are $75.

Speaking of Texas Republican Senate candidates:

Major Republican candidates for the U.S. Senate knocked heads Thursday night in a debate that was more lively than the presidential forums that have become a TV mainstay.

Several candidates threw verbal punches at Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst, the frontrunner. The guy in the back in the polls, Magnolia funeral home director Glenn Addison, turned out to be the evening's crowd pleaser, though.

None of the candidates had any immediately apparent campaign-altering gaffes. Most of the jabs were between Dewhurst, Ted Cruz and Tom Leppert, who've been in the race the longest and who were raising significant amounts of money in the last reports. Craig James, the fifth man on stage, got into the race in December — he actually made his formal announcement earlier on the day of the debate — and hasn't yet reported his campaign finances.

Sponsored by Mucous -- because it's cold and flu season, after all -- the race to replace "Texas' most popular politician" is as freaky as you would expect.

James: "I believe in the 2nd Amendment. I've got a pistol and a shotgun between my mattresses." 

A person would certainly need two mattresses if he chose to sleep on a shotgun. More like this...

• Dewhurst opens: Obama trampling on our God-given rights. "I want to go to Washington and cut spending."

• Cruz says he will throw his body in front of a train to stop Obamacare.

• Leppert: A flat tax is an opportunity to expand the base... the tax code has more words than the Holy Bible.

• Addison says he wants to kill the EPA; calls it a "job-killer." Now taking on China and "spineless, wussy senators" who won't react. 

More live-blogging of last night's debate here. Just can't wait for the next one. How about some more stupid and crazy?

Preaching a conservative message is a better way to connect with the growing U.S. Hispanic community than to mention the Republican Party by name, the nation's first Hispanic tea party group president said at an Austin forum on Thursday.

"Whenever the word 'Republican' is used, it was almost like an automatic wall that falls," George Rodriguez, president of the San Antonio Tea Party, said at a conference organized by the conservative Texas Public Policy Foundation. "Yet when we used the word 'conservative,' people were more responsive."

Got that, TeaBags? In order to woo Latinos, don't say 'Republican', say 'conservative'. That's your victory strategy. And don't wear your furry elephant head with the long trunk, wear your white hooded sheet. They'll never recognize you. It's like camoflage.

I wonder if the Tea Party has any plans for Monday? 

Update: There is also a separate straw poll being conducted via text from your cellphone.

In order to help Texans have a voice in the presidential primary process, Saddle Up Texas organizers have created a free text poll to accompany the in-person straw poll at the Saddle Up Texas Straw Poll event this weekend. ...

The poll will also include the same races featured on the ballot for voters at the Saddle Up Texas event. Text options include the U.S. Senate race, U.S. House races, Texas Senate races and Texas House races. Voters will not be charged for voting in the text poll, and will only be allowed to vote using phones with Texas area codes, and may vote only once in each race.

The Saddle Up Texas Straw Poll text option will be available from noon Thursday, January 12th to 2 p.m. Saturday, January 14th. Instructions for voting in the straw poll are available at http://www.saddleuptexaspoll.com/text

I have just cast my ballot. =)