More Mean Funnies

"Mitt Romney once lost $2 billion. Then he found it in another pair of pants."

-- David Letterman

"President Obama and Mitt Romney both gave commencement speeches over the last few days. Obama was like: 'You can be whatever you want to be.' Romney was like: 'I can be whatever you want me to be.'"

-- Jimmy Fallon

"I'm actually – I'm not familiar with precisely, exactly what I said. But I stand by what I said, whatever it was. And with regards to – I'll go back and take a look at what was said there."

Until next week, when I'll say whatever I think you want to hear and then I'll stand by that until I have to stand by something else I said.

-- Me