Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Ben Carson, Lindsey Graham, Chris Christie

-- I wish I could write satire like this.  (Except it's not, of course.)

Seemingly thinking brushing and flossing is for Socialists, Dr. Ben Carson, on the campaign trail in South Carolina, has lost two teeth while in the state.

Carson was eating breakfast at Tommy’s Country Ham House in Greenville, South Carolina, and according to TMZ:

“The good doc stared into his plate, thought for a second then discreetly placed the errant chomper into his shirt pocket.”

via TMZ
via TMZ

At the South Carolina Freedom Summit, Carson joked about losing a couple of his teeth while in the state. He said:

“They said [South Carolina] was a pretty rough-and-tumble place. But I lost two teeth since I’ve been here… This one went out last night, this one went out — but I also had a chance to see two very fine dentists here in South Carolina, so it’s very good.”

via TMZ
via TMZ
Is anyone else concerned that his teeth are falling out at such a high rate? That doesn’t seem normal. 

Neither does being a brain surgeon who doesn't believe in climate change.

-- Senatah Huckleberry J. Butchmeup will drone you just for thinkin' about hooking up with ISIS.

"If I'm president of the United States and you're thinking about joining al-Qaida or ISIL—anybody thinking about that? I'm not gonna call a judge. I'm gonna call a drone and we're gonna kill you."  

He wasn't kidding around, either.  Graham doesn't think the Iraq war was a mistake, does want 10,000 troops there.  But with regard to extrajudicial assassinations, perhaps Miss Lindsey inadvertently dropped a state secret: can anyone confirm that Lockheed Martin has been working on one of those Pre-Crime time machine thingies?

-- But no matter how hard Graham tries, he's not going to get to the right of Kip's Big Boy in his hawk costume.  Fat Bastard wants a larger military, more foreign intervention, and a hotter war waged on the American people.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie offered a vigorous defense of post-Sept. 11 surveillance tactics on Monday, backing existing programs and calling for an expansion of intelligence-gathering capabilities even as Congress seeks ways to rein in the programs.

Christie, who spent seven years as the U.S. attorney in New Jersey before he was elected governor, said that he had used provisions of the Patriot Act in pursuing terrorists after the Sept. 11 attacks and argued that the country must not weaken its anti-terror and surveillance laws.

"We need to toughen our anti-terror and surveillance laws to give our services the legal mechanisms to do their job," he said in a foreign policy-themed speech.

Completely detached from reality.

Last week more than 300 House members voted to end the NSA's bulk phone records collection program and replace it with a system to leave the data with telephone companies and allow the NSA to search the data on a case-by-case basis. The supporters of ending the program include Democrats and Republicans, and even the NSA doesn't object to having private companies store the data.

Independent reviews have found that the bulk collection program did not foil a single terrorist attack.

But Christie slammed those pushing reforms as "intellectual purists" and insisted law-abiding citizens had nothing to fear from the surveillance efforts.

"The vast majority of Americans are not worried about the government listening in on them, because it hasn't happened. They are worried about what happens if we don't catch the bad people who want to harm our country," he said.

He's wrong about that too, naturally.

Stay tuned for Rick Perry and Donald Trump and Rick Santorum in a couple of weeks, folks.  These three clowns were just the warm-up band.

Update:  There's always going to be at least one conservative malcontent who doesn't think anybody's got big enough balls to be the commander-in-chief.

Former Defense Secretary Robert Gates, who served under all 44 presidents plus two you don’t know about, told Morning Joe Tuesday morning that the 2016 field so far can suck a foreign policy tailpipe.

“Particularly on the Republican side, most of them have not been in jobs that required them to know anything or be involved in foreign policy,” Gates said. “A couple have been in the Senate two or three years. So my hope is that as the campaigns unfold and as time goes along, they will flush out their views and we’ll see something impressive.” 

"Flush out their views".  Surely he meant 'flesh'.  Otherwise that's so classically Freudian that I wish I had read it at The Onion.

“On the Democratic side, I’m sorry that Secretary Clinton has not come out in favor of the trade agreements,” he added, referring to the Trans-Pacific Partnership currently dividing the Democratic Party.

“And so I -- basically what I’ve said is that I’m not seeing a lot of courage out there and I’m seeing a lot of very simple solutions to very tough problems.”

Nobody show this guy Ben Carson.

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