He's got some cinematic suggestions for conservatives who will need help coping with the avalanche of bad news (for the unenlightened, the Mrs. Apuzzo he refers to is this woman) :National Security -- A top White House aide teams up with a columnist to defend the president's honor by exposing a CIA agent and a CIA front company. Think All the President's Men with the President's men being the good guys. I see Jeff Gannon as Karl Rove and Shelly Winters as Bob Novak. Mrs. Apuzzo could play the positive immigrant maid who lets Mr. Rove's late night visitors into the White House.
Duke Cunningham, Capitalist Tool -- Rep. Duke Cunnigham rubs a flag and a lobbyist/genie appears, granting him the power to make ridiculously lucrative real estate deals. Duke uses this power to enrich himself through a series of house and boat deals and becomes a star on the conservative speakers circuit giving presentations about the rewards of hard work. Think I Dream of Jeannie crossed with Wall Street. I see Ernest Borgnine playing Duke and Mrs. Apuzzo playing the positive immigrant maid who sweeps up all the cash that falls out of visiting lobbyists' pockets.
They Fight Alone -- The untold story of the brave men who proudly wear the Cheeto-stained briefs of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders. In cold, damp basements across our nation, these courageous young men endure their mothers' nagging while fighting Islamo-fascism by flinging accusations of treason against Democrats. Think The Green Berets mixed with Beavis and Butthead. I see Cory Feldman as Ben Shapiro and Mrs. Apuzzo playing the positive immigrant maid Ben's mother hires to hose him down once a week.
The Passion of the Hammer -- The House Majority Leader is subjected to Gitmo interrogation techniques and then crucified by an activist judge who refuses to acknowledge the vital role that graft plays in a democratic society. Think The Passion of the Christ meets The Godfather. I see Randall Terry making his acting debut as Rep. DeLay and Mrs. Apuzzo playing the positive immigrant maid who the Majority Leader receives as a gift from a contributor in Saipan.
And from the comments:
"The Boys from Brazos." When their maximum leader gets in trouble by betraying a secret agent, his former clients in Texas are notified by phone, fax, and pony express to get their talking points synchronized. Congress is played by congress. The Press is played yet again by Karl Rove.
"Weekend in the Tropics." It's about a noble country forced to imprison evil thugs bent on destroying civilization. The noble country treats the prisoners so well that they come around in the end to realize the error of their ways. Think Midnight Express where the captors are the good guys.
... he's a treacherous, fleshy sociopath bent on world domination, forced by circumstances to move into a cheap apartment. His new roommate is an uptight male prostitute with a penchant for get-rich-quick schemes. Put them together, and you've got the original odd couple! It's Karl and JimJeff starring in "Below the Beltway." Rated PG-13 for brief (and patriotic) displays of little soldiers...
Has anyone ever had to be hospitalized for intense, prolonged, vertigo-inducing laughter? Because I'm about to have to call myself an ambulance ...
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