Sunday Funnies

Parker kicks off

(Mayor Annise) Parker greeted, hugged and chatted with many of the more than 100 supporters and volunteers who gathered under the shade of a white tent swollen with the sounds of 1980s dance hits, clicking cameras and intermittent cheers. The mayor even put down a few moves between photos and handshakes.

Former City Attorney Ben Hall has announced his intent to oppose her, but Parker dismissed his campaign at the event.

"I've been asked if I have an opponent," Parker said, members of the crowd yelling back, "No."

"I have an opponent, but I don't have competition," she said to louder cheers.

Just as it was in March, that is precisely where things stand with six months to go before election day. That's also what the polling reflects (such as it is). Update, 5/15: The conserva-freaks circulated that link around and turned the tables on the mayor, and that was after she sent out a blast e-mail asking her supporters to vote. Ya gotta hate it when that happens.

Ben Hall's Gene Locke strategy is still in a holding pattern somewhere over IAH, and Don Cook is ... well, garnering the same amount of attention he traditionally has.

If the mayor only comes in for criticism as harsh as this, then it's going to be smooth sailing for her. The race to replace Helena Brown and the council seats being vacated due to term limits will be more competitive (and interesting). Charles also has a similar take on yesterday's pep rally.

Update: Worthy of note is that a perennial Green candidate for mayor in a large Texas city finished second -- with 13% of the vote and ahead of four others -- to a very popular Democratic incumbent just yesterday. Mr. Cook would exceed conventional expectations if he did half as well.

"Impeach Obama!"

"We're up to at least fifteen good reasons!"

#15.

Just existing: When a man told Rep. Michele Bachmann that President Obama should be impeached just because, Bachmann replied, “Well, I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you, I agree, I agree.” Texas Republican Michael Burgess told a Tea Party group in 2011 that he would push to impeach Obama for just generally being liberal. When a reporter asked him later what the charges would be, Burgess said he wasn’t sure, but said “it needs to happen” so Republicans can tie up Obama’s legislative agenda.

That right there is the real reason. The only reason.

Gawker explains WTF all this Benghazi shit is about. The big finish...

Okay, so, what's the fucking deal?

As befits a scandal as overdetermined as this one, there are a bunch of fucking deals. There's the deal where the State Department actually did fail to protect its employees, and should be held accountable, and only barely has been.

There's the deal where Republicans are trying to kneecap Hillary Clinton in advance of an anticipated 2016 run ("at the very least, Mrs. Clinton should never hold high office again," Paul writes in the Washington Times yesterday).

There's the deal where this is a sad, late mulligan on Romney's response, a little proto-revisionism to suggest that his doomed and incompetent campaign was defeated through the perfidy of the White House, rather than its own pointlessness and awfulness.

There's the deal where House Republicans and Fox News are trapped in a tight feedback loop, like two best friends with inexplicable inside jokes told in Oppish.

And there's the usual deal where Obama is a Muslim and he did 9/11, or whatever.

Three more years of this. Unless the sane voters can be summoned to the polls to make some changes in the composition of the Congress in 2014, and then just a year and a half.

Immigration bill thwarts conservative amendments

So far.

A landmark bill backed by President Barack Obama to overhaul the nation's immigration system survived unscathed on Thursday during the first day of consideration by a divided Senate Judiciary Committee.

On bipartisan votes, the panel rejected conservatives' attempts to thwart implementation of a centerpiece of the bill - a pathway to U.S. citizenship for millions of undocumented immigrants.
By day's end leading Democratic and Republican senators said the committee had improved the bill.

The panel, composed of 10 Democrats and eight Republicans, accepted 21 relatively modest amendments that focus largely on border security and increased congressional oversight. All but one amendment were agreed to on bipartisan votes.

Eleven other amendments were rejected or withdrawn, many of them Republican bids to bolster border security in ways that went far beyond the steps spelled out in the bill, while also delaying or even killing proposals to legalize undocumented immigrants.

Via jobsanger (more pessimistic than me about the bill's prospects), here's some of those eleven.

1. Undocumented immigrants can never become citizens. “No person who is or has previously been willfully present in the United States will [sic] not in lawful status…shall be eligible for United States citizenship.” Offered by Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX).
2. Mandatory DNA testing. Registered provisional immigrant applicants must submit a DNA sample to the Department of Justice to compare against the Combined DNA Index System (CODIS) at the FBI. Offered by Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT).
3. Zero assistance. Would prohibit undocumented immigrants who earn provisional legal status from applying for permanent residence if they qualify for state means-tested assistance, the supplemental nutrition assistance program (SNAP), the temporary assistance for needy families program (TANF), or supplemental security income benefits (SSI). Offered by Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL).
4. Bans humanitarian travel. Immigrants who are in provisional legal status but have to go back to their home countries for a humanitarian reason (to visit a sick relative, for instance) would be prohibited from re-entering the United States. Currently, the provisional legal status includes an authorization for travel.Offered by Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA).
5. Guts family re-unification. The green card distribution for some foreigners relies on a point allocation system in which a certain number of points must be accumulated before those individuals can qualify for a merit-based visa. This amendment would eliminate points for siblings of U.S. citizens and points for individuals from low-sending countries from counting towards merit-based immigrant visas. Offered by Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL).
6. In-person interviews for 11 million immigrants. Sure to slow down the process time for 11 million immigrants, an in-person interview would be required to determine one’s eligibility requirements for provisional legal status. Offered by Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL).

While the Democrats -- together with Republicans Jeff Flake and Lindsey "Begging for a Primary" Graham -- deflected the worst of it, it looks as if Charles Schumer -- charged with sheperding this legislation through the Judiciary Committee -- is going to let the gays get thrown under the bus in order to get the bill done.

John Aravosis at AMERICAblog has been all over this particular issue. There's going to be some of that "perfect is the enemy of the good" rationalizing once the markup is completed and the bill passes out of committee to the full Senate.

Stace's Two Cents has some good links and a report from his and hermina Toni's Brown Bag conversation yesterday at lunch.

Related reading...

Study: Immigration bill would help Social Security

More Than A Million Additional Latinos Voted In 2012 Than In 2008

'No' means no money for nuthin'

Eye on Williamson caught it last night. Via Trail Blazers...

Gov. Rick Perry, conservative groups and tea party-backed House Republicans forced House leaders Thursday to pull down a bill that would have increased car registration fees to help build more roads.

Rep. Drew Darby, R-San Angelo, said a vote count showed a compromise version of his bill probably could squeak through in the House.

However, he said, “I didn’t move forward because of the prospects of cutting the members up on a vote [on a bill] that may not become law.”

Though it would pass the Texas House -- that means with Republican endorsement -- Darby withdrew his legislation because the governor Michael Quinn Sullivan did not approve.

On Wednesday, Perry made thinly veiled remarks to reporters in which he said lawmakers will be back in special session this summer if they send him transportation fee increases. As The Dallas Morning News reported in this story in Thursday’s print editions, Perry also summoned to his office House conservatives to urge them to vote against Darby’s bill.

"It sounds like Gov. Perry is serious. Do legislators think 'no' doesn’t mean 'no'?" wrote conservative activist Michael Quinn Sullivan, president of the group Empower Texans, saying he considered the bill likely to prompt Perry to call a special session. "Time will tell. Lawmakers wanting to play budget-chicken ought to be prepared for a long, hot summer in Austin."

Once more... this is where Texas Republicans find themselves: strait-jacketed by their own demagoguery.

The bill now joins the ranks of many others that dying with (Thursday's) midnight deadline for House bills to pass the lower chamber. Darby’s House Bill 3664 would have tacked on a $15 fee to motor vehicle registrations and raised more out of sales tax revenue. The San Angelo Republican’s proposal pitted GOP members against one another, a day after Gov. Rick Perry’s promised to call a special session if lawmakers tried paying for roads with a fee hike.

Darby told the Observer that Perry, who’s been fairly quiet until now this session, said he would only support covering transportation funding funded completely out of sales tax revenue from cars and trucks.

Sometimes the contortions these conservatives can twist themselves into is beyond mortal men's comprehension.

Asked if House leaders are finished with transportation funding this session, Darby said they’ve completed consideration of new sources of highway money.

“This is the last bill coming out of the House to add transportation infrastructure funding,” he said.

Darby said that’s a shame because Texas has virtually no money for launching new road projects. He said the state has borrowed almost all that it can borrow to build highways. It’s at risk of choking off economic and population growth.

The state hasn’t generally raised vehicle registration fees since 1985, nor the gasoline tax since 1991, he noted. And families bear a $1,500 “hidden tax” each year in car repairs and lost productivity from being stuck on bad roads and in traffic jams, Darby said.

Rep. Jimmie Don Aycock, R-Killeen, said the bill was a test of seriousness about tackling big problems.

“If we really want to govern, at some point you can’t live on 1991 revenue streams at 2013 prices,” Aycock said.

Darby replied, “A dollar in 1991 is worth 62 cents today.”

You can substitute the word 'transportation' for Medicaid, for education, for water, for a half-dozen other critical legislative priorities. The Lege is punting now at the end of the session because none of the people elected to office wants the process of governing the state of Texas to work as it is designed to, as it is supposed to.

Once again, if you vote for and elect people who tell you government doesn't work... why would you be surprised when it doesn't?

Paul Burka offers the insider's edition on both Mucus and the governor as the kabuki plays out.

Update: And Kuff with some more.

George P. Bush, obsessed ex-boyfriend

Or maybe stalker. Hard to tell.

So George P. Bush -- son of Jeb and the political dynasty’s fourth generation standout--is making his Washington, D.C. debut this week. The 37-year-old lawyer is now running for Texas land commissioner, but his family reportedly expects bigger things from the telegenic offspring of the former Florida governor.

Which is as good an excuse as any to revisit a police report detailing George P.’s creepy, stalkerish behavior towards a former girlfriend.

Back when he was a Rice University student, Bush was investigated for burglary and criminal mischief related to a 4 AM visit to the Miami home of his ex, Cristina Cohen, and her parents.

A Miami-Dade Police Department report includes an account of the December 31, 1994 incident provided to cops by Murry Cohen, Cristina’s father.

According to Cohen, Bush--wearing black shorts and no shirt--arrived at the residence and “went to his daughter’s bedroom window,” pulled it open, and “pushed the screen inward.” As Bush was “climbing in the window,” Murry Cohen awoke and spotted the trespasser. A neighbor of the Cohens also spotted Bush trying to get into the residence and began to argue with him.

With his intrusion thwarted, Bush “backed out of the window.” Cohen reported seeing Bush then “jump into a vehicle and flee.” But he would not be gone for long.

Bush returned to the home 20 minutes later and drove his car through the Cohens’s yard, causing damage to about 80 feet of the lawn.

When police arrived at the residence, the Cohens identified Bush as the perpetrator. Cristina Cohen explained that she used to date Bush, but that they “have been separated for 1-1/2 years.” She added that Bush “has been a problem ever since they broke up.”

Sure hope some enterprising Texas media person asks around about this.

The Weekly Wrangle

The Texas Progressive Alliance thinks the state is a safer place without Wayne LaPierre in it as it brings you this week's roundup.

Off the Kuff patiently explains to those who don't know Texas politics that there exist Democrats in this state outside of Austin.

Cartoon outrages carried over into a second week in Texas, with the NRA blowing into town for the weekend. PDiddie at Brains and Eggs is so old that he remembers when protesting a gun nut convention was all about Tom DeLay.  

WCNews at Eye on Williamson posts about the Texas GOP's greed and cruelty as they hoard billions of dollars and deny health care to millions of Texans: They could if they wanted to, but they don't.  

CouldBeTrue of South Texas Chisme notes that Ted Cruz is a bigger jerk than John Cornyn, although Cornyn has many years of bad deeds compared to Cruz's short tenure.

At TexasKaos, Libby Shaw provides an update on The Texas Taliban: Hard at work in Washington D.C. and Austin.

========================== 

And here are some posts of interest from other Texas blogs.

On The Move explains why you're paying too much for your car insurance.

The Texas Green Report announces that over 1000 people have switched from TXU and its coal-fired power.

BOR endorses the Austin ISD school bonds for the May election. TFN Insider adds a few more endorsements for the same election, while Concerned Citizens has an endorsement for San Antonio.

Texas Vox documents climate change denial at the Legislature.

The TSTA warns about profiteers masquerading as reformers.

Harold Cook unmasks the second worst church in the world.

Good morning, NRA

Nick Anderson, killing it as usual.

Click, view, absorb, repeat.

This is a national story now. Bill Maher also smacks 'em down: "The Axis of Assholes".

Bill Maher coined the perfect term. Rick Perry, Ted Nugent, and Sarah Palin are the axis of a**holes. From bashing charity events because they weren’t invited, to running campaign ads suggesting that Obama isn’t a Christian then cozying up to the president after your lack of regulatory oversight causes one of your towns to blow up, to blaming Obama for veterans’ suicides when you were a coward who refused to serve your country, these three are a**holes. In fact, they are three of the biggest a-holes in American politics. 

At Ground Zero, there were conversations described as civil and spirited.

"How many of your members supported universal background checks?" asked Aaron Black, an activist who flew in from New York to protest. He cited polls showing the number as high as 92%.

"I've told you three times today, I don't believe there's a 92% —" (NRA board member Todd) Rathner said.

"You have not told me three times," Black said.

"It's a bogus number," Rathner said. "If you explain to people that universal background checks require registration, that number would plummet."

"What endgame do you see?" asked Jeff Hunter of Houston. "Is the NRA going to form militias when the government comes to get your guns?"

"If there's no registration, we don't have to worry about it," Rathner said.

Black gave credit to Rathner for engaging the protesters. "This guy thinks he's representing gun owners? He's not representing gun owners. He's representing gun manufacturers."

He tried to confront Rathner with autopsy photos of 16-year-old Brishell Jeffries, one of three teenagers killed in a drive-by shooting in Washington, D.C., in 2010. "Gun violence is so sterilized, and dumbed down and Disneyfied, that no one cares. It didn't even faze this guy."

Rathner acknowledged a problem with violence in America, but said he doesn't blame the guns. Protesters, he said, have been misinformed by the media.

"I'm comfortable debating it, but I'm not going to change their minds, and they're not going to change mine," said Rathner, a gun lobbyist from Tuscon, Ariz., and self-described "Jewish redneck."

I'm so old that I remember when protests at Houston NRA conventions were all about Tom DeLay.

Thanks for coming, gun nuts, and we hope you spent a lot of money while you were here. Now GTFO and make room for the OTC. (Was it just a year ago that the big story was the Chronicle's un-coverage of the oil and gas confab?)

Update: More pics, and not of the inside of the GRB.

Sunday Funnies (half-cocked edition)

"We weren't sent (to Austin) to govern like California"

The Speaker throws the Teabaggers a bone.

House Speaker Joe Straus suggested in a Thursday interview that a Senate proposal to take $5.7 billion from the rainy day fund for water, transportation and education is too costly and represents an effort to “punt” lawmakers' responsibility by placing the issue on a ballot for voter approval.

“We weren't sent here to govern like California,” said Straus, R-San Antonio.

His comments came days after the House torpedoed an effort to take $2 billion from the rainy day fund for water projects, without resorting to a constitutional amendment.

But that House roadblock didn't make Senate Joint Resolution 1 any more attractive to Straus — although he said he is firmly committed to paying for a water plan, which he said is of prime importance.

“How the members want to fund it is the question. It will be funded,” Straus said. 

When all else fails, play the Cali card. Hey, it's been working great for the governor, right?

This is the same strategy employed by the Speaker with regard to Medicaid expansion and a bushel full of legislation now on the Sine Die countdown: "Something needs to be done, but I haven't a clue what it might be".

This is how you know there will be a special session: when something passes the Senate by unanimous consent but is --apparently -- DOA in the lower chamber.

Senators unanimously backed SJR 1, which would provide $2 billion for water, $2.9 billion for transportation and $800 million for public education.

Dedicating the money through a constitutional amendment would prevent the expenditures from counting against the state spending cap. The cap applies to state tax revenues that aren't constitutionally dedicated to other purposes.

[...]

Straus said, “I would say that SJR 1 is a no-go in the House.”

The Speaker has shown exemplary non-leadership throughout the 83rd Session. The Dems have managed once again, at critical moments, to outmaneuver the majority via parliamentary procedure, and the TP Caucus just says no to everything as usual. Faced with blockage he can't dissolve, Straus has decided to file his nails and coast to the end, content to let his lieutenants do the lifting.

With the Legislature entering its home stretch, key lawmakers are trying to figure out how to direct money from the rainy day fund to help build massive reservoir and pipeline projects.

Among the possibilities: Reviving some version of a bill that was killed Monday with a parliamentary maneuver and bringing it back to the House floor, where a spirited debate is likely to ensue; kicking the issue over to voters, as the Senate has proposed; or trying for a hybrid of rainy day fund and general revenue fund money to seed the revolving water fund.

That last option is the most likely, said state Rep. Lyle Larson, R-San Antonio, who has played a behind-the-scenes role on water issues.

That Statesman piece also makes clear that legislators don't want to come back for a special.

“We are not going to leave the Capitol till we agree on some funding at the state level to facilitate construction called for in the state water plan,” Larson said.

Backers of the water plan are also making an appeal on drought grounds: Owing to Texas’ ongoing drought, legislators from South Texas, West Texas and Central Texas “will be hard pressed to vote against the plan,” Larson said.

Some members from each party are worried they could face a special session to deal with water, if they cannot pass a bill in the regular session, which ends May 27.

State Rep. Byron Cook, R-Corsicana, a member of the speaker’s leadership team, shuddered at the idea of extra days of lawmaking.

“That’s a looming hammer hanging over all of us,” Cook said. “It will create an added incentive to get it done.”

Yeah. We'll see.

Sidestepping the vigorous debate in the House, senators last week unanimously passed a resolution calling for voters to consider a constitutional amendment transferring roughly $6 billion from the rainy day fund for water, roads and public education.

Their leader, Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst, has at times seemed disengaged on the water issue. On the day the Senate took up the resolution, Dewhurst was in Houston to address a lunch-time gathering of the Pachyderm Club.

Dewhurst is still depressed over losing to Ted Cruz last year.

After the passage of the resolution, Dewhurst’s office issued a press release noting that he started talking to senators about improving the state’s infrastructure last summer. But kicking the decision over to voters, rather than leading senators to make a spending decision that could alienate tea party activists, appeared to be preferable for a man who lost his 2012 U.S. Senate primary to Ted Cruz, a tea party favorite.

The Lege is always full of surprises, especially as the session grinds down and sleep-deprived politicos get testy. But I don't see the Republicans making the hard choices to govern effectively for the state's citizens. Color me skeptimistic, but something -- in the homophobic words they so often use -- is going to have to get shoved down their throats.

Nick Anderson's response to Rick Perry's cartoon pique

WaPo:

Nick Anderson, the Pulitzer-winning political cartoonist for the Houston Chronicle, rendered his commentary Tuesday, in which Texas Gov. Rick Perry is depicted as getting more outraged over a cartoon — by Sacramento Bee cartoonist Jack Ohman — than the actual oversight and regulation issues involving the West, Tex., fertilizer plant that exploded last month, killing at least 15 and injuring scores more.

Asked to share the thinking behind his cartoon, Anderson tells Comic Riffs: "I just have a question: Why do people seem more offended by a cartoon than they are by the lax regulatory climate that likely contributed to or even caused this tragedy?"

Nick Anderson is all over the governor lately. And his question is just common sense for everyone except the top two elected officials in Texas.

But for a state that has sent Louie Gohmert and Steve Stockman to Washington... and would like to send Ted Cruz to the White House (ain't hap'nin, but Lord, please let 'em nominate him) , it's just par for the course.

Until Battleground Texas get geared up, this tincture of craven and stupid is all on you, Republicans. And with Greg Abbott waiting in the wings, I doubt you're going to manage to do any better in 2014. In the meantime, we'll watch as Houston hosts the NRA's national convention this weekend, with a parade of Cruz, Ted Nugent (who soiled himself rather than go to Vietnam, and now blames military suicides on Obama), Sarah Palin, and Rick Santorum ahead of the very worst America has to offer.

The nation's premier gun-rights organization, with nearly 5 million members, expects more than 70,000 to attend the convention.

[...]

The NRA caps off Saturday night with a "Stand and Fight" rally featuring conservative commentator Glenn Beck.

Apart from the calls to the ramparts, the convention's heart rests in the 400,000 square feet of exhibit hall space where more than 500 firearms companies, hunting outfitters, gun antique collectors and others will display their wares. In addition, seminars feature topics such as "home defense concepts," "methods of concealed carry," and "advanced sausage processing - BBQ & smoke cooking techniques."

A response? Yes.

Outside the convention center, an array of gun-control advocates is expected to demonstrate opposition to the NRA and its lobbying prowess.

"I don't think it's a losing battle at all," said Heather Ross, an organizer for the "Occupy the NRA" group that plans to lead the reading of names of 4,000 gun-violence victims under a #NoMoreNames banner at Discovery Green, across from the convention center. The list will start with the 26 victims of gunman Adam Lamza at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., last December.

Texas is not as uniformly pro-gun as most people believe, Ross insisted.

"The concept that we're all a bunch of gun-toting crazies is inaccurate," she said. "That's largely pushed by people elected to office."

The day is coming when this virulent strain of Republican rabies will come under control, but it won't come soon enough.

"This is why I don't think we have a strong president"

Cenk Uygur, “Edge Show” host Mark Thompson, The Nation’s Lee Fang, and comedian Jimmy Dore criticize President Obama’s inability to deliver on his first-term promise to close Guantanamo Bay. During a White House Press conference, Obama renewed his dedication to closing the prison. “I think it’s one of the great failed promises of this presidency,” Thompson says. “This is why I don’t think we have a strong president,” Cenk says. “This is an executive decision. [Obama] shouldn’t have any conversation with Congress about this.”

It is one of the enduring mysteries to me how closing Gitmo can possibly be so difficult or why it is even controversial. Republicans either are too scared to treat the captives legally, or they simply want to kill them all (as if that would solve anything). Obama's capitulation to the pants-crapping cowardice of the GOP is to say, "well OK; since you have screamed so much about it, we'll let you have your way".

Obama reminds me of one of those parents who refuses to discipline their shrieking, wailing child in the restaurant. You know, just let them cry themselves out.

Bullshit. Take that little urchin out to the car and whip his ass until he understands how to behave. Yeah, it's old school but it's how I was raised. And don't tell me about how people call DHS on parents like that, or that children can sue their parents as part of the analogy.

Republicans -- in addition to being cowards -- are bullies. Stand up to them and they will back down. Don't... and they'll keep up their act. Somebody's got to find their spine once in awhile, and we are way overdue for a discovery among the political class.

You have to hope it happens before Ted Cruz gets elected president, anyway.

It's just amazing to me that it takes a man with a broken back to demonstrate the kind of courage needed to slap Republicans across the face with their hypocrisy.