Don't piss on my shoes and tell me it's raining

Don't tell me you didn't get with no hoes in N'Awlins.

Don't tell me you're a Nigerian prince who's had an unfortunate accident and needs to deposit a large amount of money in my bank account.

Don't tell me I can make thousands of dollars working from home.

Don't tell me bah bah bah bah bah, you're lovin' it.

Don't tell me you've got a bridge for sale.

Don't tell me to apply it directly to my forehead.

Don't tell me to tell ten people to send me ten dollars, then tell them to tell that to ten other people.

Don't tell me it's time for a fourth meal.

Don't tell me James Garner wants me to take out a reverse mortgage.

Don't tell me one of my deceased relatives ordered a monogrammed Bible for me, COD.

Don't tell me I can publish my poems in your journal for a low introductory rate.

Don't tell me I need a pill to keep my restless legs from bothering me at night.

Don't tell me you're concerned about the great deal of time multiple impeachment trials would take away from Congress working on the problems of the country, the time it would take for the House to consider articles of impeachment, and for the Senate to conduct multiple trials, would make it very difficult, if not impossible, for Congress to do what it was elected to do -- end the war and address some of the other terrible mistakes this administration has made over the past six-and-one-half years.

Because I ain't buyin' it.

Which breed are you?

Via Gary, and from this book. Take the test:

1. Which bumper sticker would you most likely put on your car?
   1. I’m Already Against the Next War
   2. Nice Hummer—Sorry About Your Penis
   3. America: One Nation Under Surveillance
   4. Of Course It Hurts, You’re Getting Screwed by an Elephant
   5. Evolution Is Just a Theory . . . Kind of Like Gravity
   6. May the Fetus You Save Be Gay
   
   
2. A second civil war has just broken out in America. Who is to blame?
   1. Imperialistic neocons—for launching simultaneous wars against Iran, North Korea, and France
   2. Global warming deniers—for bringing us an eco-apocalypse
   3. The South—for never having gotten over the fact that they lost the first War of Northern Aggression
   4. Corporate greedmongers—for outsourcing every last American job to Bangalore
   5. FOX News—for fomenting a war with a flashy “March to Civil War” logo and theme music
   6. Bible-thumping puritans—for banning abortion, gay people, and sex
   
   
3. An asteroid is headed for Earth. You have a seat on the last shuttle off the planet. If you could bring only one book with which to build a future civilization, what would it be?
   1. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, by Robert Pirsig
   2. An Inconvenient Truth, by Al Gore
   3. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams
   4. A People’s History of the United States, by Howard Zinn
   5. Origin of Species, by Charles Darwin
   6. America (The Book): A Citizen’s Guide to Democracy Inaction, by Jon Stewart
   
   
4. If the Founding Fathers were alive today, they would be most appalled by which of the following?
   1. The Republicans’ blatant manipulation of terror fears for partisan gain
   2. America’s crack-like addiction to Saudi oil
   3. President Bush’s blatant dictatorial power grab
   4. Government of, by, and for corporate cronies
   5. The hijacking of government by radical Christian wackjobs
   6. That hemp is illegal. Come on, what wasn't clear about the "pursuit of happiness"?
   
   
5. If you could time-travel back to any historical event and bring one thing with you, what would you choose?
   1. The 1967 Summer of Love—with a truckload of condoms
   2. The dawn of the Industrial Revolution—with a copy of the Kyoto Protocol
   3. The day before Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans—with FEMA
   4. The day Monica Lewinsky brought Bill Clinton pizza—with a copy of the Starr Report
   5. Election Day 2000 in Palm Beach County—with non-butterfly ballots
   6. The night of Howard Dean’s 2004 Iowa concession speech—with a tranquilizer dart
   
   
6. If you were a candidate for political office, what would your theme song be?
   1. “Peace Train,” by Cat Stevens
   2. “It’s Not Easy Being Green,” by Kermit the Frog
   3. “Fight the Power,” by Public Enemy
   4. “Born in the U.S.A.,” by Bruce Springsteen
   5. “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For,” by U2
   6. “Not Ready to Make Nice,” by the Dixie Chicks
   
   
7. If you could pile any three people into a naked pyramid, who would you choose?
   1. George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld
   2. The CEOs of Exxon, Chevron, and Shell
   3. Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, and Samuel Alito
   4. Enron’s Jeffrey Skilling, Andrew Fastow,and the ghost of Ken Lay
   5. Bill O’Reilly, Ann Coulter, and Rush Limbaugh
   6. Revs. Pat Robertson, James Dobson, and Ted Haggard

It ain't about who has the fatter wallet.

But who has the most supporters.

Lt Col. Rick Noriega is our candidate and we aren't asking for big money; we are only asking for an expression of your support.

800 donors in 4 weeks. 200 donors a week. 29 a day. That's our lofty goal. What we have -- you have -- is an opportunity to change the equation. And power a political revolution.

800 donors is a statement that we are tired of politics as usual in Texas.

You are invited to be one of the first 800 to change Texas forever. Donate any amount today.

Candidates should not be able to buy elections or allow special interests to buy the nomination $1,000 at a time. "800 donors" sends a message that we are ready to crash the gate and take back our party.

You can tell Texas, and the powers that be, that you are ready right now for a change by donating any amount. We are joining forces to say that, when it comes to people-powered politics, one dollar is as important as one thousand.

Donate today.

Texas progressive bloggers throughout the state are working together to support Rick Noriega, not by raising hundreds of thousands of dollars, but by declaring their support for a populist revolution.

Now all we need is you.

Change the equation with any donation.

We're asking you to sign up with the team, not buy influence. Campaigns should be about people and ideas, not bank accounts and millionaires. With your donation in any amount we can not only stop Cornyn, but we will change Texas forever.

Donate today.

Round 'em up

Edit update: I believe the broken links have all been repaired, but please leave a comment if you find one.)

Last week, member blogs in the Texas Progressive Alliance premiered a new feature, the Texas Blog Round Up, modeled after the 50 State Blog Round Up. We plan to bring this to readers every Monday. Without further ado, here is this week's installment, brought to you by Vince from Capitol Annex.

Lady Bird Was Ours

Among many Texas blogs authoring poignant posts about the passing of Lady Bird Johnson was Fort Bend-based Musings. In Lady Bird Was Ours, Muse offers personal reflections about the former first lady and reminds us that, though Lady Bird now belongs to the ages, she still belongs to us.

Deja Vu All Over Again

Can you see any progress in Iraq? Chances are you can't, but Texas Senator John Cornyn can (evidently through rose-colored glasses). In Cornyn Sees Progress In Iraq, Texas Toad of Denton County-based North Texas Liberal explores how Rubberstamping Republican Cornyn's recent votes fail to support our troops.

Who Is For Whom?

Though we're months away from the Democratic primary, the race to determine which Democrat will take on Cornyn is already heating up on the blogs. In Watts v. Noriega In The Blogosphere, Hal at Fort Bend-based Half Empty explores the various blogs to determine which ones are supporting Rep. Rick Noriega's exploration and which are in support of attorney Mikal Watts. And he asks the important question: "where are all the pro-Watts bloggers?"

Need Birth Control? Better Have Cash.

Could Be True at SouthTexas Chisme explores difficulties Houston-area female college students (and others around the state) may be having when it comes to obtaining birth control from their college health services department, thanks to changes in Medicaid reimbursement policies in Stupid, Stupid, Stupid. College Health Centers To Charge More For Birth Control.

Craddick Stands By His Man

Austin-based McBlogger tells us that House Speaker Tom Craddick is standing by his man and keeping former state representative Terry Keel (R-Austin) on as House Parliamentarian... all the while trying to find a challenger for Travis County Constable Richard McCain, who defeated Keel's brother for that post in 2004. Check it out in Speaking of People We Don't Like.

Even Right Wingers Know When To Pull Out

Bay Area Houston explores the fact that, according to a recent poll, even the listeners of one of the most right-wing radio stations in Houston are in favor of pulling out from war-torn Iraq in Right-Wing Radio Listeners Want Out of Iraq.

What Can You Buy With $900 Million?

Though Harris County is proposing a $900 million bond package for various courthouse and jail projects, Charles Kuffner at Houston-based Off The Kuff has serious concerns about whether the bond package will do anything to alleviate a serious guard shortage at the county jail. Though it is now being discussed in the media, Charles says he's still not satisfied the issue is being addressed in County Bonds and Staffing Issues.

A Closer Look At Terry Keel

Matt Glazer of Burnt Orange Report takes a closer look at some ethical issues facing new House parliamentarian Terry Keel, such as potential conflicts of interest concerning Keel's future rulings as well as maintaining a private law practice while working for the state. Matt also closely examines the timing of Keel's Capitol ID card in Keel's Conflict Of Interest.

Rick Perry v. Community Colleges

Few of Rick Perry's recent vetoes have garnered more attention than the one of community college employee health insurance appropriations. Marc G. at Marc's Miscellany explores the issue further, and takes issue with Perry's accusation that community colleges have essentially falsified their appropriations requests in More On Perry's Battle With Community Colleges.

Perry's Defiant Response To Congress

WCNews at Eye On Williamson takes a closer look at a letter Texas Governor Rick Perry recently sent to Congressional leaders who criticized public-private partnerships to build transportation projects such as the Trans-Texas Corridor in Governor Perry Uses Fuzzy Math In Letter To Congress.

TYC Still Plagued With Difficulties

Vince Leibowitz at Capitol Annex takes a look at the fact that the Texas Youth Commission remains plagued with difficulties concerning a recent incident in which violent juveniles were set for release with little or no review in Texas Youth Commission Can't Seem To Get Its Act Together.

'I Couldn't Make It' Is No Excuse

Matt Glazer at Stop Cornyn reveals the excuse the junior senator from Texas offered for missing the funeral of Lady Bird Johnson in Cornyn Refuses To Honor Lady Bird.

And lastly, women's health services are under perennial assault here in Texas -- but it's not just Dan Patrick, Warren Chisum, and the odd mad bomber who want to control women's health choices. Texas Kaos' Moiv is keeping an eye on them, and in Operation Rescue's Back--Not a Secret Anymore she covers just how widespread is this open conspiracy against women -- involving politicians, fringe religious figures, and Ricky Skagg's "shofar."

Noriega for Senate, tomorrow

Formal campaign announcement at the Heroes of the Alamo monument near the Texas Capitol's south steps.

You may steal the banner above for your blogs and websites. The website is still under construction, but contributions may be made securely online through ActBlue or mailed to PO Box 231163, Houston, TX 77223-1163.

Sunday Funnies (late edition)

Another letter to to the president (sic)

With the help of the ACLU, I wrote the following letter to to Bush this past week:

The Senate Judiciary Committee has asked you nine times to tell them the full truth about the domestic spying program. Now they have issued subpoenas demanding the legal justification behind the program.

You should comply with the subpoenas.

They are not asking for sensitive operational details about the program. All the Senate Judiciary Committee wants to know is your legal rationale for spying on Americans without warrants.

As a taxpayer and a voter, I want to know if my government is spying on me without a warrant, and I want to know your legal justification for ordering spying without warrants on any American.

This program has been in the media since 2005. We know you have the documents, and we know the program exists because you publicly admitted it. It's time for you to release these documents to the public.

I am proud to be an American. I love my country, and I believe we can be both safe and free. But only if everyone follows the law, including you.

What I didn't include in this letter -- what I was thinking as I wrote it, was:

What I would really like to see is a well-organized group of proud American patriots drag your sorry ass -- and Dick Cheney's and Karl Rove's, too -- out of the White House and hanged upside down from the flagpoles, like Mussolini in 1945. That or maybe just a plain old firing squad against the wall of the West Wing's brand-new pressroom.

But I'll settle for your compliance with the subpoenas.

But I didn't write that; I only thought it.