Mittens is out of the clown car, but Miss Lindsey is in

We don't need to link to Governor 47%'s withdrawal, do we?  How about Governor 39%'s clarity?  Let's excerpt it anyway just for the laughs.

During an appearance on Fox News on Wednesday, former Gov. Rick Perry told host Sean Hannity that he realized how unprepared he was to run for president in 2012.

He started an "intensive program" in late 2012, he said, with domestic policy, foreign policy and monetary policy, "so when I stand on the stage and debate this next time, you're going to see a person who is very, very well prepared and able to talk across the board about the issues that the president of the United States is going to have to deal with as we go into 2017."

Perry had gone on the program to discuss the recent developments on his pending indictments, calling the case "a badge of honor."

Video at the link.  He's going for the Dan Quayle bump, for all you millennials who don't have a clue about scorn worn as a fashion accessory.  I'm anxious to change my Twitter avatar to this, but nah gah do it until Zombie Governor Oops gets another stake driven through his heart.

The real news is the heretofore stealth candidate coming out, Madam Senatah from the Grate State a Sou' Cahalina.

The already-crowded field of would-be Republican presidential candidates grew again on Thursday when Sen. Lindsey O. Graham (R-S.C.) announced the formation of an exploratory committee for president.

The launch of the Security Through Strength committee enables Graham to raise money for a potential run. It’s the clearest sign yet that he is serious about entering the race, and comes as a flurry of White House aspirants are taking public and private steps toward entering what could be the most wide-open GOP primary in memory.

Graham is not regarded as a top-tier candidate by most Republicans and may run into problems because of some moderate views he holds.

'Moderate' once again being a relative term in this usage.

But he is known primarily as one of the GOP’s leading hawks on national security and represents an early nominating state, making him a potentially disruptive force in a fluid race. His positions on the use of U.S. force will probably put him at odds with at least one other prominent 2016 hopeful, Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.), who represents the growing libertarian wing of the party.

There we go: a faceoff between the Teabagging warmongerers and the Teabagging isolationists.  It's Chris Kyle's world now in Dumbfuckistan (also known as the Deep South) and Graham Cracker sees an opening to exploit.

Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas, another Republican making moves toward running, called Graham a “good man,” a “friend” and a “man of deep passions.”

Does it make anyone else's gaydar go off when sullen Republican white men talk about each other's passions?  Speaking of latent homosexuality, the thing to watch for at any GOP shindig over the next year -- and there will be one every other weekend, as we know -- is whether or not Rick Perry and Lindsey Graham are bunking in the same cabin.  (That link is probably NSF your W.)

Of course, Graham’s main problem is that he may have some skeletons rattling around in his, er, closet. His far-right opponents in last year’s GOP primary didn’t have any problems labeling him “ambiguously gay” and “a nancy boy.” Rumors about Graham on the verge of being outed pop up every once and a while, a phenomenon that will increase dramatically if he runs for president. Esquire political columnist Charles Pierce pointedly calls Graham Senator Huckleberry J. Butchmeup. (Graham’s official photo doesn’t do much to knock that nickname down.)

Needless to say, Graham insists he’s not gay. He’s done so by speculating about having a relationship with Ricky Martin, which is exactly the kind of thing that a red-blooded heterosexual would do.

I'm laughing so hard I'm coughing and choking.

Super Sunday Funnies

Scattershooting on the day after Texas Muslim Day

-- That went just about as well as anyone could have expected.  When a homeless woman from Michigan goes "on the road" to Austin to crash a peaceful rally, and doesn't get arrested, then you're excused in believing we've crossed another dangerous line here in Deep-In-The-Hearta.  What do you suppose would have happened if a black guy had grabbed the mic at an Open Carry protest?  What if a pro-choice activist had interrupted the pro-forced birth gathering on the other side of the Capitol last Saturday, who themselves were counter-protesting the anniversary of Roe v. Wade?

I'd rather just ignore the state representative who demanded visitors to her office pledge allegiance to the Israeli flag, if it's all the same to y'all.

That's not Lake Travis, that's the Rubicon.

Update: Christine Weick -- the angry white woman outside the Capitol yesterday -- is stretching her fifteen minutes of fame to the limit, now challenging Franklin Graham to take over a mosque.

-- This is Texas, goddammit, where the teachers have Glocks but we hide the science textbooks.  Our Republicans aren't snuffing the canaries in the coal mines with their gas; they're the fucking bats.  Shitting on everything as they swarm out of their caves.

-- Our beloved Texas, where we never shook until we got fracked.

North Texas never felt an earthquake until 2008, but since then the United States Geological Survey has recorded more than one hundred, concentrated in areas of oil and gas extraction from shale by hydraulic fracturing—fracking.

Now the USGS will raise the official earthquake risk level in Texas. The new assessment will appear on the government group's seismic hazard map, which influences building codes, public policy and insurance for homes and other buildings across the country, said Mark Petersen, national coordinator of the earthquake hazards program.

"Because of increased rates of earthquakes in Texas, the hazard is higher than it was previously," Petersen said. "This is a new thing that we want to start accounting for, these potentially induced earthquakes."

If you're a city, you can't pass a law against it.  Only the state government can do that, and they laugh at your attempts to stifle their oil buddies' waya life.  And if the feds would stop telling us how to spend the Medicaid billions we're leaving on the table, maybe we'd take the money.

-- Texas, our Texas, all hail the mighty state, where we must man the ramparts and barricades against the twin terrors of immigrant children and black people voting without ID.  We've evolved.  I mean, this is what intelligent design looks like.

So much love for fetuses, none for the babies already born.  You see, it transforms into a parasite on the hard-working, job-creating, property-owning upper class once it leaves the host.  Open carry coming soon, your all-season hunting license without having to purchase or even qualify for a license, and no bag limits.  Just be sure you're set to full auto and spray widely, before a good guy with a gun can pull his or hers.

One potential worthwhile outcome is that if every Texan is walking around armed, visible or not, we can do away with the police.  You know, save a bunch of money.  Oh wait, maybe we haven't thought that all the way through.  Like always.

Mutha. Fuggin. Texas.  The incubator of the best, most conservative government money can buy.

Paxton skates

Likely continues to do so, with a little help from his friends.

The Travis County district attorney’s office has concluded its investigation into securities law violations by Attorney General Ken Paxton without filing charges.

An investigation by the agency’s Public Integrity Unit determined that Travis County lacked jurisdiction over the Paxton allegations, District Attorney Rosemary Lehmberg said Thursday.

“Any conduct that might constitute an offense occurred outside of Travis County, and venue for any further investigation would be in the county where the conduct occurred,” Lehmberg said in a statement.

Poor Lehmberg just couldn't stomach any more controversy.  She's been cowed by the spin applied from Rick Perry's legal team and the governor's supporters reacting to his abuse of office indictments, start to (eventual) finish.  A classic conservative display of blaming the victim.

Lehmberg’s office referred the case to prosecutors in Collin and Dallas counties, she added.

Care to guess how that's going to go?

Collin County District Attorney Greg Willis, a Republican, is a longtime friend of Paxton. Bill Dobiyanski, the first assistant district attorney under Willis and chief of the felony trial division in Collin County, declined to say whether the office would investigate the matter.

Dallas County District Attorney Susan Hawk has issued a statement indicating her office has no avenue to pursue a case against Paxton, if one were warranted.

She said that after a discussion with Gregg Cox, the head of Travis County special prosecutions, “at this time, we are not aware of having venue over any alleged crimes committed in Dallas County by Attorney General Ken Paxton.”

With the Public Integrity Unit gutted by the Lege's new budget and to be eventually relocated out of Travis County, there will be no watchdog left on the unitary rule of the Grand Old Party in Texas.  Not that there was all that much before.  When the appeals court judges are also bought and paid for, you can't even get a conviction against Tom DeLay for money laundering to stick.

This is what Texans voted for last November, however (and in every midterm election for at least the past twelve years).  This is also what the Texans who were too busy/lazy/stupid to vote also voted for, whether or not they will ever figure that out.