Sunday Funnies

Three pips for Anglo-Saxon heritage

Not Mitt Romney's version, mind you, but that as presented by the Anglo-Saxons in charge of last night's Olympic opening ceremonies.

True, much of the talk inspired by NBC's tape-delayed broadcast Friday night probably hovers somewhere between "well, that was just nuts" to "what the …?" But as long as it shoves the Olympics to the front of the national conversation, NBC will take it.

Granted, "strange" seems to be the Opening Ceremony stock in trade these days, as each organizer tries to out-do, and out-shock, the last. But even when you apply the 1992 Albertville opener-as-Cirque du Soleil standard, London's show, designed by Oscar-winning Slumdog Millionaire director Danny Boyle— with its grassy knoll and light-board hospital beds — was boisterously, Britishly odd.

It was delightful at times, to be sure. But just as often, it was trying so hard to create magic and impart meaning that it became impenetrable.

The Queen parachuting into the stadium as a Bond girl? Fun. Rowen Atkinson destroying Chariots of Fire? Peculiar, but fun. The flying bicycle dove? Also fun, even if it did look more like a flying monkey.

But the dancing sick-kids salute to the National Health Service, complete with a Mary Poppins air raid and a giant Franken-baby? Much less fun, and more than a bit bizarre. "I don't know if that's cute or creepy," said NBC's Matt Lauer proclaimed about the baby, as if "cute" were actually an option.

There was whole lot of Anglo-Saxon history presented at the opening of the opening that was completely unfamiliar to this Anglo-Saxon. But I had the sound on mute, as I usually do, so that Lauer and Meredith Viera weren't explaining it to me.

The Industrial Revolution without all of the slavery and pollution was interesting, though.

Whitewashed though it may have been, it was the spectacle that Opening Ceremonies always are... as long as you changed channels pretty quick after the Parade of Nations began. That shit puts my feet to sleep.

Now let the Games begin.

As long as he doesn't bring bacon-wrapped shrimp to the Knesset...

... then yesterday might be the worst day of Mitt Romney's European vacation.

I'll leave this one to the experts.

British papers blast Romney:

The Guardian also ran a sidebar entitled, "Oh, Mitt: those Romney gaffes in full." The article dissected Romney's gaffes and rated them all on a scale of one to 10. The "disconcerting" comment received a rating of eight on the gaffe scale. "Take that, Romney! Now get that horse out of my sight," the Guardian wrote in the blog post, in reference to Ann Romney's horse, Rafalca, which will compete in the Olympics.

The Daily Kos could barely keep up with the gaffe-athon, and that's saying something considering their staff puts up a post an an hour from 8am until 11 pm. Here's an excerpt from the day's work:

• Mitt started the day saying he met with the head of MI6, which you are not supposed to do, because MI6 is the British version of Fight Club. Aside from being awkward, it also immediately deflates the Mitt theory that Mitt can be trusted with secrecy more than that nasty Obama fellow.
• Mitt then proceeds to question, in London, to Londoners, whether London will be able to pull off the Olympic Games:
  

  "You know, it's hard to know just how well it will turn out," Romney said. "There are a few things that were disconcerting, the stories about the – private security firm not having enough people – the supposed strike of the immigration and customs officials, that obviously is not something which is encouraging."

• This pissed off the prime minister, David Cameron, who responded by noting of the Romney-headed Salt Lake City games that it must have been "easier if you hold an Olympic Games in the middle of nowhere."
• That in turn pissed off the current mayor of Salt Lake City, who offered to send David Cameron a map of the place.
• And Mitt apologized, which is something he has said a president should never, ever do.
• Mitt apparently forgets the name of the leader of the opposition Labour Party that he's currently meeting with, and has nice things to say about 10 Downing Street's backside, which in addition to being the usual awkward Romney framing is awkward for an entirely different reason:
  

  Firstly, in Britain, "backside" means "ass". As in the part of the body. Secondly, "10 Downing Street" is often used in political reporting as a synonym for a press spokesman for the prime minister, in the same way as "the White House" can say things or have opinions.

  It means "ass" here in America too. As in "I would like to introduce you to Mitt Romney, a very wealthy American backside."

That's only a little over half of the rundown. Before his plane even touched down in the UK, an unnamed campaign adviser had started an "Anglo-Saxon Heritage" society, party of one, last name Romney. And that list doesn't include the bust of Winston Churchill affair.

If you wonder why the Teabaggers have to keep holding rallies every weekend to gin up the rage, it's because Republicans know the only chance they have in November is to make certain the base is capable of hating Obama more than they love their country.

Update: Fox and Friends' Brian Kilmeade wants the British newspapers to "back off" Romney, and Chris Wallace has to set him straight.

...Wallace reminded (Kilmeade) that, yeah, Romney kind of deserved it, likening his Olympic comments to someone you wouldn’t want to go clothes shopping with.

“If you ask me if that suit makes you look fat, I’m not going to tell you it does even if it does, Brian.”