The Racist Pigfucker Roundup

-- Louie Gohmert.

"There is nobody in this chamber who is more appreciative than I am for the gentleman from Tennessee and my friend from Michigan standing up for the rights of race, religion, national religion of the Delta Smelt, the snail darter, various lizards, the lesser prairie chicken, the greater sage grouts and so many other insects who would want someone standing for their religion, their race, their national origin and I think that’s wonderful."

First of all it's a grouse, not a grout, you dumb ass. And second, if you can't tell the difference between a black person and a prairie chicken then you're obviously retarded. Which we all previously suspected.

-- Ted Nugent.

"Why wasn't Trayvon [Martin] educated and raised to simply approach someone he wasn't sure about and politely ask what was going on and explain he was headed home? Had he, I am confident that Zimmerman would have called off the authorities and everything would have been fine.

"Why the nasty "creepy a-- cracker" racism and impulse to attack? Where does this come from? Is it the same mindless tendency to violence we see in black communities across America, most heartbreakingly in Chicago pretty much every day of the week? Where does this come from? And why is it so prevalent?"

Just surprised he didn't work in a mention of his home town of Detroit. There's more if you can stand it.

-- Paula Deen.

The Paula Deen racism scandal just got reignited thanks to a blockbuster New York Times story Thursday that claims the former Food Network star asked black employees to dress like Aunt Jemima.

The profile of Deen's cook Dora Charles overflows with allegations of racist behavior. Deen allegedly paid black employees less than white ones and used racial slurs.

But it is Deen's idea of Confederate-tinged dinner theater that may be the most unseemly element of the story. Charles tells the Times that she refused Deen's requests to ring a dinner bell in front of her Savannah, Ga. restaurant The Lady and Sons and, in the words of the paper, holler for "people to come and get it."

It don't matter who hollers and how many times they holler it, Paula Deen ain't never gonna get it.

-- Lamar Smith.

"The Supreme Court message to the Justice Department was clear: don't mess with Texas," Smith said in a news release. "But Eric Holder and the Justice Department aren't listening. They have decided to continue their vendetta against Texas by asking a federal judge to reinstate the pre-clearance requirement."

What, you had forgotten that Lamar Smith was a bigot? Smith is the Texas version of...

-- Steve King.

“For every (DREAMer) who’s a valedictorian, there’s another hundred out there that weigh 130 pounds and they’ve got calves the size of cantaloupes because they’re hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert."

And he just can't stop talking.

I've got a gold-plated douchenozzle that I'm going to cut up into five pieces so they can all share it.

Why early polls are even more like toilet paper than usual

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is outdistancing Vice President Joe Biden by almost 5 to 1 in a hypothetical matchup for the 2016 Democratic presidential nomination, a new McClatchy-Marist Poll released Wednesday found.

The poll found Clinton leading Biden by a ratio of 63-13 percent among Democrats and Democratic-leaning independents. Govs. Andrew Cuomo of New York and Martin O'Malley of Maryland trail in single digits, while 18 percent of respondents said they were undecided.

The same poll shows Clinton leading the current Republican front-runner, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, 46-41 percent among registered voters. Twelve percent of respondents were undecided.

“Get ready for round two of Hillary Clinton as the inevitable,” said Lee M. Miringoff, director of the Marist College Institute for Public Opinion, in a statement from the polling organization. “The big question is whether she runs.”

Uh huh. More spin from the Chronic.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry fares worse against Hillary Clinton than any other potential Republican presidential candidate, according to a new McClatchy-Marist poll.

Perry, who says he is thinking and praying about a possible 2016 presidential candidacy, trails the former Secretary of State by 16 percentage points — 52 percent to 36 percent — in a hypothetical general election match-up. House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan also trails Clinton by 16 points, 53 percent to 37 percent.

[...]

In a GOP primary contest, Perry places a poor seventh at 4 percent. Freshman Texas Sen. Ted Cruz finished sixth with 7 percent.

B-B-But the Texas Tribune told us just last month to tell us that Ted Cruz is vastly more popular among Texans in the 2016 Republican presidential primary than Governor Suckseed. That's not translating nationally?!

U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz starts as the Texas favorite in a fantasy 2016 Republican primary for president, swamping Gov. Rick Perry and a number of other big-name candidates in the latest University of Texas/Texas Tribune Poll.

I'm sure that once those Yankee TeaBags get to know Poop Cruz, they'll like him just as much as the rest of us do.

I'm previously on record that if Clinton runs she wins, and further that if she would select a Texas Latino as running mate, that the state turns blue. Further, said Latino would himself be elected and re-elected president, preventing the Republicans from having a decent shot at the White House before 2032.  There weren't any polls that helped me come to that conclusion. Just common sense (even considering, as Master Yoda said, "always in motion the future is").

Polls this far out are used to gin up supporters of the emotional and financial persuasion as well as to cast, as Miringoff notes in the first excerpt, an aura of inexorable destiny.

The difference between fresh TP and used TP -- besides the obvious -- is the immediate evidence of diminishing marginal returns, in economic parlance. Now that you have wiped yourself with these polls, flush them.

And catch yourself before you post it to Facebook or Tweet it, or any of those other things that some political consultant is hoping you will do. That's the kind of person who looks at their Klout score every morning.

Don't be that person.