Uncle Drayton cans Scrap Iron and Poo-Poo

I could have just as easily typed "FINALLY" twice.

This has been an interesting Monday so far (and I'm not even counting Michael Vick going to the dogs -- err, court to plead guilty).

Phil Garner was a weak manager -- this reputation preceded him long before he arrived in 2004 -- but the real mercy killing today was GM Tim Purpura, who despite fourteen years in the Astros organization didn't have a clue how to do his job and never had half the authority needed to do it anyway. The last straw was probably his inability to sign the team's most recent draft picks, but his fate was sealed with the disastrous results of the Jason Jennings trade during the last offseason. Scratch that: the last straw was probably the boos rained down on Poopura when he was recognized at Jeff Bagwell's retirement ceremony yesterday.

I'm with Justice: Coop is a good choice not just to finish out the year but deserves at least a one-year contract to show what he can do. McLane's heavy-handedness, not to mention his penny-pinching ways, may well preclude the Astros from getting a savvy talent in the front office.

Hope I'm wrong about that last, because we may be in for a disappointing several few years with the local nine if I am not.

Update: You just can't top this. Caption, please.


"Nobody could have predicted this, could they, Phil?"

Update (8/28): Tom Kirkendall, with whom I agree on almost all sporting matters and almost nothing else, delves deeper into these themes. (He calls it 'due diligence', I call it 'tedious detail'.)

FINALLY.

Allah be praised, Alberto is Gone-zo at last.

My only wish is that, as with John Ashcroft, the replacement isn't worse.

I'll update this thread today with new developments (speculation, some rich creamy schadenfreude, and so on).

Update:

"So paste a tail upon my nose and point me toward the grass. I'm going back to Texas to be one more horse's ass." -- Shel Siverstein

When an army withdraws from a battlefield, it doesn't just turn and run. It slips away one or two units at a time, leaving other units in place to cover the exit. It's called strategic withdrawal.

Like Rove's, Gonzales' departure from Washington should be seen as part of the greater Bush administration strategic withdrawal from Washington. He is, in Shel Siverstein's words, "Going back to Texas to be one more horse's ass."

Better a strategic withdrawal now than a wholesale retreat in January of 2009. A trickle of departures, followed by presidential pardons on the way out of town, will be smoother and more historically graceful somehow.

(For pure symmetry, it would be fun to see the Bushies conclude the whole sorry show with one last James Baker and Theodore Olson appearance in front of the Supreme Court. Then Baker could leave D.C. for Texas aboard the Enron plane the Bush's lawyers took from Texas to Florida in November of 2000.)

LMAO

For an administration known for its cronyism, and alas for an alarmingly incompetent group of cronies, Gonzales was the granddaddy of them all. He lacked the integrity, the intellect and the independence to perform his duties in a manner befitting the job for which he was chosen. And when he and his colleagues got caught in the act, his rationales and explanations for the purge of the U.S. Attorneys were so empty and shallow and incoherent that even the staunchest Republicans could not turn them into steeled spin. Devoid of any credibility, Gonzales in the end was a sad joke when he came to Capitol Hill.

And the last lie (we all hope) was told to his own spokesperson:

As late as Sunday afternoon, Mr. Gonzales himself was denying through his spokesman that he was quitting. The spokesman, Brian Rohrekasse, said Sunday that he telephoned the attorney general about the reports of his imminent resignation “and he said it wasn’t true — so I don’t know what more I can say.”

Update (8/28): The powerful dishonesty of Alberto Gonzales includes this Top Six list of his most brazen lies. And from Nora Ephron:

I hope (Gonzales is) not worried about his legacy, because he will have one, and it will be not unlike what awaits almost all the members of this administration: they will be fodder for art. Yes, art. Dick Cheney said a couple of months ago that history would be his judge, but I beg to differ: history will be nothing compared to the plays. This administration will be the subject of hundreds of plays; the playwrights will be drawn again and again to the astonishing, amazing panoply of evil and complicity the Bush Administration has provided. Gonzales will be a hilarious comic foil in most of these productions -- a jack-in-the-box who will pop out, say he has no recollection whatsoever of anything, and pop back in. Short actors will kill to play him.

By the way, I have a pet theory about Alberto Gonzales: I've always believed that the reason the President called Gonzales Fredo was that when they first met, Bush incorrectly believed that Gonzales' first name was Alfredo, and Gonzales was too much of a toady to correct him.

I meant to download that theory before it was too late, and the good news is, where this administration is concerned, it's never going to be too late.

I'd like to add a personal admonition to the once and future Houstonian: you may now remove the American flag lapel pin. You goddamned traitor.

The Weekly TexProgBlog Wrangle

It's time once again for the weekly Texas Progressive Alliance blog round-up, again brought to us by Vince from Capitol Annex.

Getting this week off to a great start, we want to thank our friends over at the 50 State Blog Network for taking note of us and mentioning our round-up in theirs.

To the rafters with #5

''I can truly say I've made so many great friends because of this game,'' Bagwell said. ''You guys have made me better. I've had so much fun over the years.''

He was joined by Craig Biggio and Brad Ausmus and a distinguished list of former Astros, including Larry Dierker, Jimmy Wynn and Mike Scott.

Sunday Funnies (late edition)

Sunday Funnies (early edition)

Happy 171st, H-Town

Fun story here about the Allen brothers and one of their progenitors. Click for some good old photos of early Houston, too ...

(Augustus Chapman Allen), he says, was a brilliant man, an inventor who went to Mexico in an attempt to build a canal to connect the Gulf of Mexico and the Pacific Ocean.

And Houston, he says, was designed with great foresight: "They set up Houston as a head-of-navigation city. They knew they could get trains and ships into it and could become, as they advertised, 'the great commercial emporium of Texas.' "

I'm posting this too late for the cemetery's rededication this morning, but if you ever find yourself on West Dallas Street with a few minutes to spare, pull over and walk in. It's truly a marvel.

Founders Memorial Cemetery, just west of downtown, has Freedman's Town to one side and a direct, beautiful view of the skyline to the other.

Jill Brooks, a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution, which has worked to make the cemetery a historic site, points at the open green spaces.

"They had mass burials, here," Brooks says.

That means nobody really knows where anyone is buried. John Kirby Allen is there — a headstone was placed in the cemetery in 1936 for Houston's centennial — but no one knows exactly where.

We went here on a ghost tour of Houston a few years back. This place has a real vibe about it. And if you're looking for something to do this weekend (and the first of next week), then check the event schedule at the link at the top.

We're going to see the Astros play tonight -- a rookie pitcher makes his professional debut -- instead of the Jeff Bagwell jersey retirement celebration Sunday afternoon.

Thanks to everyone who helped fill Rick Noriega's boots

Our little online effort has now climbed above 600 donors and $45,000. You can still buy a ticket on the Noriega Express for as little as $5.00, and be one of the Great 800 who Change the Equation.

You can also meet Rick Noriega this weekend in Austin, tonight at the Texas Democratic Party's open house (and see their new offices also) or at the quarterly SDEC meeting taking place tomorrow.

Pelosi and "Friends" a real treat

About three hundred Houstonians (SRO capacity at the Christ Church Cathedral downtown) gathered to watch Alex Pelosi's new documentary "Friends of God" and chat with the director last night. Among the many godless liberal activists, there were also the Texas Freedom Network, Americans United, and ACLU staff and board members, Rep. Scott Hochberg, Rep. Donna Howard, and yours truly. (The film makes its debut next month on HBO. Here's a snippet:)



There are some reviews of Pelosi's debut here (more about the after-party than the film itself, the documentarist's infant son, and best friend Moby, including the famous "Karl-Rove-might-be-my-long-lost-brother" remark), a somewhat indignant but generally spot-on Christian review and some spiteful comments here, and a more-even-handed take here.

JFTR, Alexandra Pelosi is a raised-and-practicing Catholic. She comes from good progressive stock of course, grew up in San Francisco and lives in New York, but remarkably bonded with the now-disgraced Pastor Ted Haggard during the filming (and defends him still). Read the links above for more.

What I was impressed with during the post-screening Q&A was Pelosi's commitment to show the evangelicals in the best possible light. She genuinely identifies with several of her subjects, and portrayed in the doc only those whom she she carefully considered were the most sincere. She was quick to note that she met many Christians in her cross-country travels who were full of shit, and left their stories on the cutting-room floor.

Knowing that these might be the best the American evangelical movement -- numbering between 20 million (BARNA) and eighty million (per the late Jerry Falwell) -- has to offer, you can watch the documentary with perhaps a clearer eye. And make up your own mind, as Pelosi intends.

There's no denying the intensity of the belief and the commitment to the cause, as well as the considerable influence on US politics and the Republican party over the past generation. The only question is whether the movement in terms of that electoral influence has peaked, particularly in the wake of the myriad of moral scandals of both those in the ministry as well as their adopted political party.

Can the fundamentalists continue to turn out the vote post-Falwell? Can the Christian issues of abortion, creationism and gay marriage keep driving the believers to the polls to vote straight-ticket GOP? Or are the war in Iraq, global warming, and the cost of health care -- issues which divide the evangelical bloc as deeply as the rest of the nation -- more important to voters in the coming elections?

Time and our respective efforts, as always, will tell.

Update (8/25): Via Dungeon Diary, AMERICABlog has the news of Pastor Ted's latest misadventure. I just have to wonder what it's going to take for Alex Pelosi to see through him.

Justice rides a white Hummer

I only wish I could write snark like this:

We hear Attorney General Alberto Gonzales was sighted at the Texas Capitol [yesterday] morning. Folks under the pink dome saw the AG and his family pull up in a motorcade of black Suburbans and a white Hummer (because, of course, justice rides a white Hummer). A Department of Justice spokesperson told us that Gonzales isn’t here on DOJ matters: “There’s no official event going on. If he’s there, he’s there on personal business.”

Personal business, eh? Perhaps he’s reminiscing about the good old days or as so many do, just returning to the scene of the crime. Since Texas is scheduled to execute its 400th prisoner tonight, maybe Gonzales is here to commemorate his contributions to inflating that number. Maybe he’s looking for a job. (He’s loyal, unscrupulous, willing to lie at the drop of a fired attorney, and bend rules for his employer. Sounds like a perfect House parliamentarian.) Or maybe he’s on an errand for his boss, feeling out possible replacements. Seems like Justice Nathan Hecht has the necessary virtues to lead Bush’s Justice Dept.

I think it's to discuss the special legislative session to be called on Voter ID -- and not Iraqn divestiture, as Vice-President-Wannabe 39% MoFo has feinted.

Update (8/25): Thanks to Matt B in the comments for pointing out that letter correction above. Like so many these days, I am getting my 'q's and 'n's mixed up.

Maybe it's because they're so close together on the keyboard.

Type "batshit crazy" into Dictionary.com

and this is what you get:

Postpourri, while we wait for the next hurricane to form

-- Nice one here about Hurricane Dean hitting the island of Jamaica by Attytood.

-- Lady Bird isn't cold in the ground and TxDOT already wants more billboard revenue -- or maybe more fear, or perhaps both. Racy Mind beat me to this last week, but jobsanger today reminded me again of the outrage it made me feel.

"HURRICANE FORMING NEAR GULF -- KEEP YOUR TANKS FULL". Did you see this message flashing on the highway electronic travel advisory boards last weekend?

I think it's actually less advertising than it is a terror threat when the government scares the suburban sheeple into filling up just as the price of gasoline is running up (ahead of a hurricane that never was headed close to Houston).

-- "I'm the proud owner of Karl Rove's father's solid gold cock ring." NSFW. Really NSFW. But click on the Boing-Boing link at the lead-in -- or here -- and you'll be OK. Just be careful not to laugh so hard you throw up.

-- A little protest here today:

“We will protest at the 200-year-old oak tree where black people were illegally lynched many, many years ago. Today lynching in Texas is legal and it is done by the government in Huntsville. But Texas does not have the moral authority to execute anyone. The death penalty is used only against the poor and is a racist attack on the African American and Latino communities.”

Update (8/23): The state of Texas went ahead and killed Johnny Conner yesterday, making him #400. Here's video of the protest at the Hanging Tree, downtown:



-- Advanced Conspiracy Theory, as instructed by RG Ratcliffe:

Black helicopters, the Illuminati, Gov. Rick Perry and the Trans-Texas Corridor are all now part of the vernacular of the global domination conspiracy theorists.

Perry's push for the Trans-Texas Corridor super highway is part of a secret plan, the conspiracy theorists say, to create the North American Union — a single nation consisting of Canada, Mexico and the United States with a currency called the Amero.

Government denials of the North American Union and descriptions of it as a myth seem to add fuel to the fire. A Google search for "North American Union" and "Rick Perry" returns about 13,400 Web page results.

Ya gotta love it. Especially when the Texas Eagle Forum gets in on the action:

Perry enhanced the conspiracy buzz earlier this summer by traveling to Turkey to attend the secretive Bilderberg conference, which conspiracy theorists believe is a cabal of international monied interests and power brokers pressing for globalization.

And the conspiracy rhetoric is likely to ratchet up this week as President Bush meets with Mexican President Felipe Calderon and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper in Quebec in their third summit to discuss North American relations under the Security and Prosperity Partnership.

"There is absolutely a connection with all of it," said Texas Eagle Forum President Cathie Adams. The Trans-Texas Corridor "is something not being driven by the people of Texas."

Keep reading:

Fast-forward to March 2005 to Crawford, when President Bush, Harper and then-Mexican President Vicente Fox agreed to pursue the Security and Prosperity Partnership, SPP. The idea was to promote cooperation among the countries on economic and security issues.

But conservative author Jerome Corsi — in his new book: The Late Great U.S.A.: The Coming Merger with Mexico and Canada — argues the SPP is a "stealth" attempt to wipe out the nations' borders and form a single economy like the European Union.

With an entire chapter dedicated to Perry's Trans-Texas Corridor plan, Corsi says the first step to integrating the economies is to integrate the transportation infrastructure.

"His (Perry's) actions have been to fight hard to build this toll road and not listen to the objections expressed by the people of Texas," Corsi said.

Corsi became nationally known in 2004 as the co-author of Unfit for Command: Swift Boat Veterans Speak Out Against John Kerry. Corsi said extensive research shows the SPP has created working groups on the North American Union that answer to presidential Cabinet secretaries.

"This is more of a shadow bureaucracy, a shadow government already in effect," Corsi said. "Unless it is stopped, it will turn into a North American Union with an Amero."

Wait for it ...

The official federal Web site for the SPP has a section dedicated to busting the North American Union as myth.

"The SPP does not attempt to modify our sovereignty or currency or change the American system of government designed by our Founding Fathers," the site says.

But that has not stopped a growing opposition to the North American Union by groups such as the Eagle Forum, The Conservative Caucus and the John Birch Society.

Pow. Money shot.

Now see, ya gotta hope that the Swifties together with the Birchers can derail the TTC -- pun intended -- once and for all. Because if the Lone Star conservatives have one last spasm of outrage left after they finally realize they've lost the battle over immigration, that no one is going to be rounded up, then maybe they'll realize they can still triumph here.

The Chronic was compelled to follow up with a disdainful editorial rejoinder to Ratcliffe's tale of intrigue. You can almost hear their sniffing. Fortunately they managed to nail the real issues, though:

Like a throbbing artery, the Trans-Texas Corridor has become the crucial connection between these theories in recent years. But anxieties about foreign infiltration and loss of national sovereignty have periodically flared in American culture for centuries. Current talk of a looming "North American Union" began in 1992- 92, when first a Republican and then a Democratic administration implemented the North American Free Trade Agreement. The tragedy of our Iraq adventure and the overheated campaign rhetoric about immigration — plus completely rational concerns about shrinking manufacturing here and lower wages for U.S. workers — are setting the NAU fears on boil.

Yet the Trans-Corridor Conspiracy crowd in Texas is looking too far abroad. There's no reason to try to smoke out secret international cabals in this deal. Spanish company CINTRA has already proudly prevailed in the 50-year, multibillion-dollar deal. Though foreign investment brings Texas needed economic juice, 50 years is too long a time to cede control and revenue from the very heart of the state.

Nor are Mexico and Canada the first beneficiaries of Perry's plan. Those would be the contractors — including three of Perry's top campaign donors.

Poorly thought-out trade deals at the federal level certainly can hurt us. But there's little chance that easing the drive from Laredo to Kansas will by itself spawn one-continent government.

All too real, on the other hand, are the effects the corridor itself will have on Texas. Bisected communities, carved-up farmland and devastated wildlife habitats are some of the provable results the corridor will leave in its wake. These threats are considerably more real than the possibility of continental government, and it doesn't take a conspiracy theorist to worry about them.