Sunday Extended Length Funnies

"Okay, let’s just be honest now. The House is clearly where things go to die. It's where parents are going to start telling their kids their aging pets went. 'Oh, Fluffy's fine, darling. She just got stuck in committee.'"

-- John Oliver

"Sunday, on his way home from Brazil, Pope Francis said it was not his job to judge gays. He said that's what the Tony Awards are for."

-- Jay Leno

"Anthony Weiner's campaign manager quit. He says he's applying for a much less stressful job that has a better chance of success. He's trying to get Paula Deen elected president of BET."

-- Craig Ferguson

"Some jackass vandalized the Lincoln Memorial. Who hates the Lincoln Memorial? Democrats love it because it honors the man who freed the slaves. And Republicans love it because it just sits there and does nothing. If it could cry and chain smoke, it would be John Boehner."

-- Bill Maher

Burying the lede

I was of the mind that one of the biggest reveals in the Texas Observer's piece on misogyny in the Lege was well down in the story, and sure enough the NCRM beat me to it.

Even the most powerful women in the Legislature experience it. When I started interviewing women lawmakers, they all—Republican and Democrat, House and Senate, rural and urban—said that being a woman in the statehouse is more difficult than being a man. Some told of senators ogling women on the Senate floor or watching porn on iPads and on state-owned computers, of legislators hitting on female staffers or using them to help them meet women, and of hundreds of little comments in public and private that women had to brush off to go about their day. Some said they often felt marginalized and not listened to—that the sexism in the Legislature made their jobs harder and, at times, produced public policy hostile to women.

Of all of the various actions that can get a person's employment in the private sector terminated, surfing porn at work is pretty much at the top of the list. It doesn't require eyewitness testimony; there's no he said/she said BS, the offender can't say it never happened. When former Houston Metro chairman George Greanias went to Rentboy.com on his personal laptop late one night at the office, he was nailed for it. As bright a man as he was, he didn't understand the whole VPN login-IT audit trail thing.

All of the bad behavior described in that article is (should be) zero-tolerance, but a state employee or elected official using taxpayer-funded computers, servers, IPs, etc. for their personal sexual titillation ought to be grounds for immediate dismissal. No warnings, no waiting until the next election.

It's at least as serious as forging timestamps on roll call votes, but then again I don't see Attorney General Greg Abbott investigating that either.

A real good question for religious conservatives to ask the Three TeaBaggers running to replace Abbott in the AG office: "Do you support or oppose state legislators, staff, etc. using their computers and tablets to look at porn?"

Because at least one of them is bound to oppose it strongly enough to be willing to make an example of someone.

Update: A solid take on how to fix these problems from nonsequiteuse.

"Yeeeeeaah, if you could just finish up those..."

"... campaign finance reports, that'd be grrrreat."

-- How TPS CF reports should not be interpreted (paywall):

Democratic political consultant Mustafa Tameez said Hall might have to show more widespread support to drag Parker on stage repeatedly; Hall reported raising $2 million as of June 30, $1.7 million of that his own cash.

"Let's say Ben Hall comes out and he raises $2.2 million and he only puts in $200,000 of his own seed money," Tameez said. "Then Parker's more likely to have multiple debates with him because he has substantial support and she wants to clarify her positions. All challengers want to take it to the incumbent and point out one of the 10 things that are wrong with the city at no expense to themselves, and no incumbent would ever allow that."

Tameez -- considered one of the city's premier political advisors, certainly a heavy player in the local insiders' clique --  seems to be suggesting to Mayor Parker that she execute the Rick Perry 2010 strategy of avoiding debates. Would that really be the best thing for her to do?

Update: Not to be outdone, Campos tops that for stupid.

Commentary doesn’t want to hear the other candidates in a debate and I’m thinking most folks don’t either.  I’m betting The Mayor’s Campaign didn’t do a whole lot of opposition research on the other folks like they did on Hall so don’t throw in that the other candidates have to participate.  Plus they haven’t staffed up and they haven’t plunked down a couple of mil of their own dough into the race.

Commentary is, as usual, a fucking moron. If there is anybody left in this town taking anything he says seriously, then they deserve what they get.

-- How CF reports should be interpreted (and then used by a political campaign):

Leave it to a college paper to scoop the bloggers on this , but it is definitely worth a read. Many of my fellow bloggers, me included, posted fundraising totals from candidates, including those in the running for District I. I had noticed a few individual snarks on Facebook toward some of the candidate totals, but nothing newsworthy or in a press release from other candidates. The college paper, The Venture, found something.

“As you can see from the finance reports, Mr. Mendez has a number of overvalued in-kind donations, lots of self-funding and he only has $12,000 cash on hand. To that end, alarm bells are ringing throughout District I because it appears he burned through the cash he allegedly raised. The hard working men and women of District I don’t spend money like that,” said Robert Gallegos, who is one of the candidates running against Mendez in District I.

Mendez’s campaign manager, Joaquin Martinez, did not provide a response for this story before deadline.

Looks like a well-worded direct hit by Gallegos on that one, stating that fundraising will not make the difference, rather, experience in the district will -- a theme on which he is running.

Precisely right.

So, to summarize (and despite how this post may have been interpreted): there's not anything inherently wrong with the reporting of campaign fundraising and spending; there is something wrong with how it is analyzed, and who is doing the analyzing.

Agendas coming out to play and all that.

FBI knew about snipers aimed at Occupy Houston

But snipers affiliated with whom? Do you feel safer now?

As the Occupy Houston movement gained steam in 2011, the FBI was aware of a plan to use snipers to take out leaders of the movement, according to FBI documents obtained through a Freedom of Information Act request.

The highly redacted documents do not point to any FBI involvement in the plan. Agency spokeswoman Shauna Dunlap said that it's premature to draw conclusions about the documents because the publicly released information is incomplete.

The documents do raise questions about how much the FBI knew about the plot, said Houston attorney Paul Kennedy, who represented several of the Occupy protesters in misdemeanor cases.

In an email Wednesday, Dunlap said the agency investigates hundreds of such threats, and "rest assured if the FBI was aware of credible and specific information involving a murder plot, law enforcement would have responded with appropriate action."

Dunlap stated the documents "were redacted in several places pursuant to privacy laws that govern the release of such information." She cautioned against "drawing conclusions from FOIA documents, as they often contain raw data and are incomplete."

Kennedy obtained a copy of the FBI document, which was requested in December 2012 by the Partnership for Civil Justice Fund, and has posted it on his blog.

You may recall that I spent some activist time down at City Hall at the birthing of Occupy Houston. From Kennedy's post...

Just how scared of the Occupy movement was the government? Or, maybe the question should be just how scared were business leaders and their lackeys in the government? The Occupy protests were a mass movement that had the potential to catch fire. That they didn't is due to the government's crackdowns and, I would argue, on the lack of a cohesive message from the movement.

The more important question is, obviously, who was behind the alleged plot to assassinate Occupy leaders in Houston? Why did the government redact any identification information about whose plot it was? Is that information redacted because it would expose confidential sources, or is it redacted because the FBI was behind the alleged plot?

The historical comparisons to Occupy mirror those of the 1932 Bonus Army, among others such as the March on Washington, which was held 50 years ago this month.

I have missed any reference to snipers and Tea Party protests over the past five years. Can anyone fill me in as to whether there were any stories about that? A cursory Google search was not helpful. I do recall seeing some guns being schlepped around by those folks at their rallies, and I think they did complain about IRS audits. Or something.

The thing that authority fears most is organic, civil, peaceful protest, witnessed again as recently as two weeks ago when Houstonians who objected to the whitewash -- a savagely appropriate word in this context -- of Trayvon Martin's murder wound up blocking traffic on a Houston freeway. (Read Mayor Parker's reaction to that here, and an account of the follow-up visit by activists with the US Attorney who offices locally here.)

If you haven't watched the Chris Hedges video I posted last week, now would be a good time to do so. His analysis of the government's intentions with respect to Occupy are spot on.

And then you might ask yourself if a discussion about the number of debates in the Houston mayoral contest, or how much money what's-his-or-her-name has raised for a city council bid, is the best conversation we can be having about politics in the nation's fourth largest city.

Update: This news about sharpshooters in Texas arrives on a grim anniversary.

Kamikaze Cruz

This article from Politico lays bare the Republican-on-Republican brutality Ted "Poop" Cruz is waging.

The Texas freshman senator and his senior aides are unleashing a barrage of attacks on their fellow Republicans for refusing to support their plan to choke off Obamacare as a condition for funding the government. Cruz’s chief of staff is lambasting fellow conservatives like Oklahoma’s Tom Coburn for serving in the “surrender caucus.” His top political strategist has compared Mitch McConnell to Barack Obama. And the senator himself has said many Republicans are “scared” to wage this fight.

Too conservative, reactionary, and obnoxious for Tom Coburn. There just isn't enough popcorn in all of Orville Redenbacher's warehouses for summer entertainment this bloody.

The essence of the clash is this: Cruz can’t comprehend why his GOP colleagues don’t welcome the fight, while more senior Republicans think the junior Texan simply doesn’t understand — or care — about the dire political consequences for their party of a government shutdown. Plus, Cruz’s critics think the plan to repeal Obamacare is destined to fail.

But worries about a shutdown are falling on deaf ears.

“There is a powerful, defeatist approach among Republicans in Washington,” Cruz told conservative radio host Dana Loesch earlier this week. “I think they’re beaten down and they’re convinced that we can’t give a fight, and they’re terrified.”

This is the stuff legends are made of. Most of those legendary figures, if history serves, came to ignominious ends (here I'm thinking of Cruz's idols Joe McCarthy and Benito Mussolini).

Cruz’s uncompromising style has won him legions of fans on the right — a fight that started earlier this year when he battled Chuck Hagel’s nomination as defense secretary, continued when he helped block House-Senate budget negotiations because of concerns over a debt ceiling hike, and intensified when he fought with Rubio and GOP senators over a bipartisan immigration bill.

[...]

A former top Senate GOP leadership aide, who asked for anonymity, said Cruz’s latest battle “isn’t about principle and it isn’t about party.”

“It’s about promoting Ted Cruz’s presidential ambitions, and he and his team are making clear that retaining the House or winning back a Senate GOP majority are all secondary to that goal,” the source said. “It’s a shortsighted and selfish political strategy but one that fellow Republicans are unfortunately having to get used to.”

“The Republican infighting is hurting our brand,” said one Senate Republican aide, who fretted that Cruz’s divisive tack would alienate voters and hurt GOP efforts to retake the Senate.

2016 is a free shot for Carnival Cruz; his eye is actually on the 2020 prize. I think he's really enjoying tearing down the GOP, to be rebuilt in his own image. Not even he thinks he can get that done in a year or two.

But this is also a #TCOT geek fight.

Privately, a number of senior GOP aides are miffed at what they see as personal jabs launched on Twitter by senior Cruz aides, including the senator’s chief of staff, Chip Roy, a former aide to John Cornyn, a Texas senator who took his name off the Lee letter last week. Those aides were unapologetic Tuesday for their public criticisms.

Roy sarcastically quipped on Twitter that it is “shocking” that Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) opposes the hardball Obamacare funding tactics given that McCain is “someone talking to [Sen. Chuck] Schumer 5x a day and the White House daily.”

Coburn told The Washington Examiner, “The worst thing is being dishonest with your base about what you can accomplish, ginning everybody up and then creating disappointment."

“Since when is a promise to fight disastrous policy ‘dishonest?’” Roy tweeted in response: “No, the worst thing is giving up & leaving your base believing there is no need to be a Republican any longer.”

Deeper inside that baseball at the link, if that sort of thing floats your boat. This sure is a lot more fun than listening to Big Jolly whine about Jared Woodfill and the Harris County GOP, isn't it?

Clue to Dave: Woodfill is the least of the Republican party's problems.

Update: More on "Poop" Cruz from the Great Orange Satan. And here's a helpful bubble map of all the conservative infighting.

Update II: You'll notice I made no mention in this post to the other major battle front in this war.

Rick Perry unable to locate vagina on anatomical doll

At least he can count to three (special sessions)...

In a skirmish at the University of Texas Medical School in Houston about the state’s new ultra-restrictive abortion law, Democratic Senator Wendy Davis angrily told Texas Republican Governor Rick Perry he knows nothing about human reproduction or women’s vaginas.

“You don’t have to own an SUV to know where to pump the gas,” responded Perry, drawing immediate boos from the small lecture hall full of med students and from some of the media in attendance.

As the governor’s press handlers started to interrupt, Perry waved them off and stepped up to an anatomically-correct ‘female’ doll used in medical training that was lying on an examining table in the room.

“I’m not stupid.  Those are the vagina right there,” said Perry, pointing at but not touching the labia majora, the visible protruding edges leading in to the vagina.

As CNN reported, the room went quiet for a very brief second before erupting in “loud, loud laughter and what-the-f’s.”  Over the noise, Senator Davis could be heard repeating over and over, “Are you kidding me?  Are you kidding me?”

The best satire is when you have to question whether what you are reading is the truth. This isn't as pathetic as the Republican state representative who has suggested that Wendy Davis pay the state back for the costs of a special session with some of her fundraising, but it would be if it were reality.

As reporters began shouting questions at the governor, he and security team agents huddled around the medical-training doll with Chief of Staff Billy B. Adair seen talking quietly into Perry’s ear.

“Hell, I was close,” said Perry, shrugging to the crowd in the room as he was shuffled out of the room speaking back over his shoulder.

“It’s all about protecting unborn life, not about where some gal’s body parts are.  I knew it was there somewhere…” he could be heard saying as his voice trailed off into the hallway.

The governor's actual chief of staff is a woman. Presumably she could have been of more assistance. Presumably. 

Senator Davis, who filibustered the first attempt to pass the abortion bill, said she couldn’t stop laughing because Perry’s comments were so “scary, scary stupid.”

“He just compared women’s bodies to his Chevy Suburban,” said Davis loudly over the buzz of talking in the room.

“Governor Perry couldn’t find a vagina today.  Governor Perry couldn’t find a vagina if you put a post-it note on it.”

Update: More from Wonkette on Giovanni Capriglione, the Tea Pee state rep mentioned above...

Sorry Wendy Davis, but there is no arguing with logic like that! Maybe think of all the muneez it will cost you next time you use your rights as a member of a democratically elected body to speak your dumb lady words. Don’t think of it as a bunch of fascist yahoos trying to intimidate you out of exercising your rights. Just think of it as a special “poll tax” for your mouth! We are pretty sure the Supreme Court would be just fine with that.

I'm thinking that reimbursement should occur immediately after the governor pays the state back for his security detail expenses. Yes, that would be the same security detail that could not help him find the "lady's" business.

The Weekly Wrangle

The Texas Progressive Alliance applauds the Justice Department's joining the fight to continue VRA pre-clearance in the state as it brings you this week's roundup.

Off the Kuff points out that Greg Abbott would deny the same type of care that he himself has benefited from to millions of people who could not now receive it.

Horwitz at Texpatriate chronicles the unmitigated disaster that occurred when Ben Hall tried to advertise on Facebook.

WCNews at Eye on Williamson says if Texas wants the federal government to stay out of its electoral business, the solution is easy. All they have to do is stop discriminating: Texas and the DOJ.

Former Democratic state representative Aaron Pena found out the hard way that becoming a Republican doesn't help much when you're driving while brown in south Texas. PDiddie at Brains and Eggs observed that not even his Greg Abbott t-shirt could save him from being ICE'd.

After hearing all of the crazy right-wing rhetoric, Texas Leftist wondered what Republicans really say about immigration reform away from the glare of talk radio and Fox News. Here's the interesting result.

======================

And here are some posts of interest from other Texas blogs.

Mark Bennett maintains that it is foolish to claim that "stand your ground" laws had nothing to do with the Zimmerman verdict.

Austin Contrarian demonstrates why the rent is too damn high in the capital city.

Better Texas asks what can be done to help disadvantaged children succeed in school.

Eileen Smith sorts out the Republican candidates for Lite Guv.

Texas Watch wants us to close the "Six Flags loophole".

Texas Vox wraps up water legislation from the regular and special sessions.

Texas Redistricting lays out the Section 3 arguments in the fight over the Voting Rights Act and how it should still apply here.

Juanita has had it with the spurious claims about "jars of feces" being brought to the Lege when the final vote on the anti-abortion bill was taking place.

BOR notes that Senate Democrats are demanding a women's health study during the legislative off-season.

And Tuesday Cain, the 14-year-old girl who held up a provocative sign during the protests against the omnibus anti-abortion bill at the Capitol, would appreciate it if all the so-called grownups on the Internet stopped calling her a whore.

Sunday Funnies

What I'm reading this morning (and it's not Carlos Danger or little Prince George)

-- Terminally ill 'Simpsons' co-creator Sam Simon is trying to give away all his money before he goes. In my experience, people who are dying have some of the most profound insights into the world they are departing.

One of the things about animal rights, which is not the only thing that I care about in this world, is that your money can bring success. I see results. There is stuff happening, really good stuff, every week. I'm not sure you get that with a lot of disease charities. If you were donating to environmental causes for the past 20 years, do you think your money is doing anything? Because I don't, and I used to support some conservationist stuff -- Sierra Club, World Wildlife Fund. They're treading water. Climate change is a big part of their problem. The environment has been destroyed, basically.

I want medical experiments on animals stopped. They don't do anything, and they don't work. Veganism is an answer for almost every problem facing the world in terms of hunger and climate change. It helps people's health. Meat is the biggest greenhouse gas producer. There's also the cruelty and suffering aspect. When people do meatless Mondays, and when people adopt instead of buying a dog, that's a PETA victory.

-- The military judge presiding over the trial of Bradley Manning is contemplating the verdict (there is no jury):

A military judge is deliberating the fate of an Army private accused of aiding the enemy by engineering a high-volume leak of U.S. secrets to WikiLeaks.

Prosecutors argue that Pfc. Bradley Manning is a glory-seeking traitor. His lawyers say Manning is a naive whistleblower who was horrified by wartime atrocities but didn't know that the material he leaked would end up in the hands of al-Qaida and Osama bin Laden.

Army Col. Denise Lind began deliberating Friday after nearly two months of conflicting evidence and arguments about the 25-year-old intelligence analyst. A military judge, not a jury, is hearing the case at Manning's request.

Lind said she will give a day's public notice before reconvening the court-martial to announce her findings. The most serious charge is aiding the enemy, which carries a potential life sentence in prison.

Manning's supporters say that a conviction would have a chilling effect on government accountability by deterring people from disclosing official secrets to journalists. WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange said in a telephone press conference Friday that if Manning is convicted of aiding the enemy, it will be "the end of national security journalism in the United States."

He accused the Obama administration of a "war on whistleblowers" and a "war on journalism."

Colonel Lind's decision will, obviously, have wide-ranging ramifications. She has promised to give a day's notice to the media and everyone else watching before she declares the verdict.

-- The guy who invented jackpotting (forcing ATMs to spit out cash) -- who had recently claimed that he could cause a person to have a heart attack from a distance of 30 feet by hacking their embedded medical implant -- was found dead last Thursday evening, as he was preparing to reveal the procedure for the national convention of programmers and researchers (yes, hackers) next week.

Barnaby Jack was 35.

--The Houston Press has an investigative piece up about Memorial Hermann: they treat patients who don't have insurance, tell them not to worry about the bills, and then sue them over it when they go unpaid.

--  America is split about NSA spying, but not along party lines:

Something strangely refreshing about the way the National Security Agency data-mining revelations have played out is how it has blurred the usual partisan divides. This was especially apparent Wednesday, when the House voted on an amendment to defund the NSA's spying apparatus. It was Republican-led, but backed by some Democrats. A strange grouping—including the White House; Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn.; and Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif.—all spoke out against the measure. It lost by a slim margin, 205-217 (94 Republicans and 111 Democrats backed the amendment).

That partisan fuzziness on the Hill is also reflected in the general population, as new polling from Pew indicates. Both parties are split on the issue: 50 percent of Republicans disapprove of the program, agreeing with 36 percent of Democrats and 48 percent of independents. What appears to be growing overall is a libertarian mindset on the issue. "This is the first time in Pew Research polling that more have expressed concern over civil liberties than protection from terrorism since the question was first asked in 2004," the report states. Since 2010, the percent of Republicans who feel the government has gone "too far" in restricting civil liberties jumped from 25 percent to 43 percent (Democrats jumped as well, from 33 percent to 42 percent.)

The polling also is indicative of a growing intellectual rift in the Republican Party between libertarians and traditional conservatives. And New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie isn't a fan, saying on Thursday, "This strain of libertarianism that's going through parties right now and making big headlines I think is a very dangerous thought." Christie specifically mentioned Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky.,  as one of the people with such thoughts. "Do we have amnesia? Because I don't," he continued. "And I remember what we felt like on September 12, 2001."

This is a manifestation of something I have been thinking about over the past year or two; that the conventional, ideological bar graph of left and right is a faulty model in accurately describing the body politic. In fact it seems to be more of a circle, with four orbiting political parties; the Democrats and Republicans closer together, and the Libertarians and Greens clustered.

Two pro-corporate status quo legacy parties whose primary objective is self-perpetuation, not problem-solving. And two that are not; outside the duopoly, looking in. In fact I find that -- while there are still significant differences -- the two largest minor parties have more in common with each other than they do either of the two major parties. That is to say: Greens are closer philosophically to Libertarians than they are to Democrats, and Libertarians less like the GOP than they are Green. With (again) vastly different ideas of means to those common ends.

Anybody want to argue with me about that in the comments?

Terminate the Gynoticians

Can you imagine if this actually happened to you? If you're one of millions of American women, it has. It is happening not in an exam room, but in a room with marbled floors, expensive pens and numerous symbols of 'freedom', populated by men and women in crisp suits whose ideas about "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" are rooted in illogical double-standards and hypocrisies that boggle the mind. These people are making decisions about you, for you, but not by you. They are passing wildly unpopular laws everyday that dictate the choices you can or cannot make, the health care you may or may not be afforded, the rights you can or cannot enjoy in regards to your very own body.

Tell Gynoticians like Rick Perry, Trent Franks, Pat McCrory and the Pat McCrorys of women like Rep. Jodie Laubenberg and Marsha Blackburn that enough is enough. We aren't just coming for their laws, we're coming for their JOBS.