"How to end the government shutdown: I think if you hold down Texas and Maine at the same time, it automatically reboots."-- Stephen Colbert
"People are saying now that before the government shutdown Congressmen went out and got drunk, celebrating that they had shut down the government. This is the kind of thing that could damage their 10 percent approval rating."-- David Letterman
"Texas Senator Ted Cruz gave a 21-hour speech on the floor of the Senate during which he read Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham, did an impression of Darth Vader, and admitted his love for White Castle. I'm not sure what Cruz's speech was arguing for, but I'm guessing legalizing weed."-- Seth Meyers
