Thursday, October 27, 2011

Texas Republican Douchebags of the Week

First Place, going away: our gloriously good-haired governor and his massive, big-footed flip flops.

-- Had Anita deliver the shiv to Dave Carney, replacing him with Joe Allbaugh, who ran W's successful (sic) 2000 campaign.

-- "It's fun to poke at" President Obama about the long-past-its-expiration-date birth certificate non-issue, but "it's a distractive issue".

-- Needs to spend more time in Iowa romancing voters one-on-one, so he will be appearing in a lot fewer debates. Update: Whoops. No, he won't.

-- That flat tax plan? Not so much. Gotta get off that Confederate license plate thingie, too.

-- Poll numbers sagging into Bachmann territory, he drags the money bag around California. Is more money really going to help this guy now? Oh yeah; it can't hurt any worse.

And this is actually a better week for Rick Perry than he's been having.

Runner-up: Congressman Michael McCaul, who alas won't run for the US Senate. Because the Rich White Guy Caucus is already well enough represented by David Dewhurst and Tom Leppert. Speaking of Dewface...

Show: ...he comes in third by virtue of his carefully following the Rick Perry 2010 campaign lead and making his Senate '12 race all about Obama

Fourth (in the money for those holding superfecta tickets): Herman Cain, riding high atop the national polls and cashing in on the strength of his haunting television ad and the Internet meme it has spawned. Earns honorary Texan status by virtue of his rally with the Clear Lake Tea Party, 3000 strong showing up at the dog track in La Marque to see, hear, and buy his book. If he were a real Texan he might have come in first with this effort.

Place your bets for the next Battle of the Douchebags, ladies and gentlemen. Post time in one week.

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