Sunday Funnies

DNC Convention Humor

It's not too snarky.

POLL: Race Close Among Voters Without Working Televisions #DNC
— Andy Borowitz (@BorowitzReport) September 7, 2012

Last, the convention that the Republicans saw when they did have their TVs on and tuned to Fox.

With the savage roar of the heathen Democratic horde rising all around him, President Barack Obama delivered an incendiary speech to close his party’s national convention Thursday night, commanding the ultraprogressive minions in attendance to help him “destroy Jesus and usher in a new age of liberal darkness that shall reign o’er the earth for a thousand years.”

The thunderous 45-minute address—during which the president argued for a second term so that he could “finally kill Jesus once and for all, as well as all those who worship him”—was well received by the frenzied, wild-eyed audience, whose piercing chants of “Four more years!” and “Slaughter the believers!” echoed throughout the Time Warner Cable Arena.

“My fellow Americans and godless infidels, I command you to join me as we cast an endless pall of far-left evil across the hills and valleys of our nation!” Obama bellowed from the stage, as thousands in attendance moaned in compliance and gyrated their hips and groins in a lascivious dance. “Together, as a barbarian people forged by the wicked flames of irreligiosity and united by visions of a liberal dystopia, we will rise up as one to scorch the earth with boundless amorality.”

 “The streets shall run red with the blood of forced sodomy, performed daily upon every American man, woman, and child!” the commander-in-chief shouted, froth forming around his mouth as the crowd threw hundreds of aborted fetuses onto the stage. “Die, Christians, die!”

More here. Remember, conservatives: we're not laughing with you, we're laughing at you.

Lloyd Oliver stays on the ballot

As I thought.

Lloyd Oliver may be a pariah to his party, but he remained on the November ballot as the Democratic nominee for Harris County district attorney Wednesday after a state district judge rejected the Democratic Party's attempt to oust him from the ticket.

Someone please hand Lane and Gerry a few towels to wipe off the carton of eggs that's all over their faces.

The Democratic Party announced it was taking Oliver's name off the ballot last week.

Wednesday's ruling comes one day before Harris County Clerk Stan Stanart must get ballots printed in time for overseas and absentee voting.

"I don't think that what happened amounted to a rule violation under party rules," Burke said after a two-hour hearing on Wednesday morning.

Oliver admitted saying that he would have voted for Lykos had he not been running against her. He told the court Wednesday that he made the statement the day after the primary, so she technically no longer was a candidate. He also argued that the party rule applied only to chairmen and other Democratic officials.

"I have a First Amendment right to compliment public officials," he told the court.

The judge agreed.

"I don't think that amounts to an endorsement of the Republican candidate, since she had been defeated by then, and it was coupled with a swipe at the prevailing candidate, Mike Anderson," Burke said.

Two last things from the article.

Neither Lewis nor Birnberg returned calls for comment Wednesday. 

I believe they're both in Charlotte leading cheers at the moment.

Attorneys for the Democratic Party said they have not decided whether to appeal. 

It would be best if they didn't, seeing as how the lovefest in North Carolina is going. Obama is likely to provide coattails as lengthy as 2008... if the locals don't screw it up in the next 50 days or so.

Seriously, fellas: don't keep stepping on your dicks. Oliver might even get enough sympathy momentum from Republicans who supported Lykos to win the DA race. What are you going to do then with your track record of obstruction of democracy?

Let it go. Not another word about him. See if he can win on his own, and then perhaps Harris County will have a district attorney beholden to no party. Even as stupid as Lloyd Oliver is, that might be a good thing.

Update: Texas Lawyer's Tex Parte has more, and Ted Oberg at KTRK had the best reporting, including this video of a couple of difficult questions for the plaintiff's counsel, former 55th District Court Judge Dion Ramos.



Ramos, swept out of office in the Red Tea Tide of 2010, looks and sounds awfully sorry he got this case.