Smackdown of the Week: Vladimir Putin

For the following two pointed barbs leveled at Cheney and Bush, each of which could have been written for him by Jon Stewart.

Regarding recent criticism by Dick Cheney of Russia's democratic reforms:

"I think the statements of this sort by your vice president are the same as an unsuccessful hunting shot."

In a joint presser at the G-8 summit with the Moron-in-Chief, who had barely finished a remark about Iraq and democracy:

"We certainly would not want to have same kind of democracy as they have in Iraq, quite honestly."

I never in my life thought that I would see a former head of the KGB mocking our president in public, and I would be laughing.

Congressional redistricting updates

Just go read Vince. He's got the maps, and he's got the analysis all assembled.

The one comment that I will add is that if Greg Abbott thinks he can make Lloyd Doggett disappear with his map, he's got another think coming.

Stephen Colbert hearts Joementum

This one's for you, Greg:

I suddenly feel the need for some humor.

How about you? Thanks to the clever Bill in Portland Maine for assembling the late-night comics' comments:

"President Bush announced that the federal deficit is actually $296 billion less than originally forecast. The president credits low unemployment, high job growth, and the fact that he did the math himself."
-- Conan O'Brien

"Any online gamblers here? Well, Congress is looking in shutting that down. There's going to be a massive congressional investigation of online gambling and they're going to shut it down. And when they get done with that, they're going to look into this North Korean thing."
-- David Letterman

"Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was in Afghanistan today where he promised to defeat the Taliban. Didn't we do that already? He's also sworn we will soon capture Saddam Hussein."
-- Jimmy Kimmel

"President Bush told People magazine this week that he's working on a solution for global warming. He says it will be ready in less than six months. It's called winter."
-- Jay Leno

"Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, Judicial and Executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are."
-- Stephen Colbert

"The security of the world is threatened by Kim Jong-Il, a nerdy pompadour, platform shoe wearer who looks like something you would put on the end of your child's pencil."
-- Jon Stewart

And this segment would not be complete without Bill's NYT Bestseller List of the Future ...

1. THE BIBLE, by God with The Holy Spirit. (United States Government Printing Office, free; mandatory). The Word of God, quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. With a new foreword by Jim Belushi.

2. A MILLION AND ONE LITTLE PIECES, by James Frey. (Random House, $43.95.) A memoir by the Viceroy of Iraq about his hardscrabble childhood that made him tough enough to quell the civil war in Iraq and divide it into a million and one self-governing "cantons."

3. THE DARK LITTLE BOY AND THE IPOD, by Thomas L. Friedman. (Farrar, Strauss & Giroux, $47.95.) A columnist for the New York Times explains the connection between solving world conflict and a third-world boy by owning an iPod Shuffle.

6. HARRY POTTER AND THE CROSS OF NAZARETH, by J.K. Rowling (Scholastic, Inc., $34.95.) A young wizard realizes sorcery is evil, accepts Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior, and marries a young woman named Hermione, who wisely chose to abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage.

9. MY TOP STORY---AND MY BOTTOM STORY, by James D. Guckert (Random House, $39.95.) A memoir by Jeff Gannon, the 20-year veteran anchor of the CBS Evening News.

13. HAMMER TIME!, by Tom DeLay (Putnam, $48.95.) A former House majority leader of the Republican party recounts his time in prison, his conversion to Islam, and his later success on the PGA senior tour.

... and the explanation for Senator Ted Stevens of how the Internet really works:

The Internets is a series of gerbils, one gerbil for each "user." When you "send" a "message" (or, in Stevens-speak, "an internet"), the gerbil takes it down shorthand and scurries through a series of tubes to its destination. The gerbil uploads the message to the inbox (short for "Internets Box") and then presses the velvet-covered doorbell button. The receiver---say, Senator Stevens---may then safely peruse the porn ad. (Tomorrow we'll explain "SpamGuard"-- we don't want to overwhelm him.)

Sometimes gerbils will stop to have wild gangbang gerbil sex along the way, which can result in delayed internet delivery. Twice a year the telecom companies clean the tubes by flushing them with water and a mild detergent, which also results in slight delays. But mostly the Internets operate smoothly, allowing for an uninterrupted flow of bogus information from the likes of Senator Stevens and Mike McCurry on net neutrality.

Is abortion murder? Texas AG asked for legal opinion

Here comes our right-wing battle cry for November, folks. The bold emphasis is mine:

Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott has been asked to rule whether laws passed in 2003 and 2005 could subject doctors to capital murder charges for performing late-term abortions or abortions on minors without their parents' consent.

State Affairs Chairman David Swinford, R-Amarillo, asked for the opinion, citing an analysis by a state prosecutors group that said murder prosecutions of doctors could be an "unintended consequence" of the law changes it made.

Swinford said he disagrees with the interpretation by the Texas District and County Attorneys Association because there is no evidence that the Legislature intended such a result from changes it made to the law governing doctors' conduct last year. ...

Shannon Edmonds, director of governmental relations for the prosecutors' group, believes a doctor could be charged with capital murder for performing a restricted abortion. He said, however, that he has heard of no such prosecutions.

Edmonds discovered the problem when he was looking at new criminal offenses enacted during the 2005 regular session.

"We started connecting the dots and that's where we ended up," said Edmonds.

Go read the entire thing. And get ready for battle, because Greg Abbott is just as beholden to the religious fundamentalists as he is to the corporations, and he desperately needs the Jesus Freaks and John Birchers to turn out and vote for him in order to save his job.

This BS has national implications for women's reproductive freedoms as well. Let's nip this in the bud, right quick.

Update: Charles Kuffner and Vince Leibowitz -- as always -- have more, and better. The Dallas News has a better explanation of the laws passed in 2003 and 2005. And Charles, via Vince, has background on the TCDAA's confusion over the issue.

Update II: And don't miss the new blog detailing the malaprops of our ridiculous state Attorney General, Greg Abbott = Big Hypocrite.

A Perfectly Cromulent Beer Bust

Pete the Cromulent One is hosting his third annual Beerfest this Saturday night at Rudyard's (all details at the link). If you haven't attended one of these in the past, well, it's a decidedly snark-riddled affair -- sorta like Pete's blog -- and not so much political. Also a younger crowd than we usually run with. We now know to wheel in with oxygen tanks in tow so we can keep up with the fast-talkers.

Those of you around Houston are powerfully encouraged to attend. You will get to meet the Diddies at the very least, and that could turn out to be the high point of your weekend.

If your life is truly pathetic, that is.

Which one said it?

"You did it. You know you did it. You're a big fat bald-ass liar saying you didn't. And I know you did it, too, and I'm going to tell everybody.

"But of course neither one of us will ever go to jail. Hell, we won't even lose our jobs over it. Schweet, huh?"

Second Enron figure dead

Even as Houstonians prepare for today's memorial service for Ken Lay, British media reports the death of another man implicated in the scandal that won't leave the headlines (emphasis mine):

The body of a man believed to be linked to a US probe into a financial scandal involving NatWest has been found close to his home.

Neil Coulbeck had gone missing from his home in Woodford Green, east London, on Thursday.

Sky News crime correspondent Martin Brunt said: "The man had been interviewed by the FBI. We don't know how important to the investigtion he was but FBI sources suggest he was a pivotal character in the case."

Mr Coulbeck's body was discovered in Waltham Forest, east London. He was Head of Group Treasury at the Royal Bank of Scotland and is thought to have been a possible witness in the NatWest Three case.

The discovery comes as MPs debate the controversial decision to extradite three British bankers - dubbed the NatWest Three - to the US to face charges over the scandal.

The men, who previously worked for NatWest, are accused of taking part in a multi-million pound fraud connected to the collapse of Enron.

All three - David Bermingham, Gary Mulgrew and Giles Darby - have denied any wrongdoing. They could spend up to two years in a high-security US prison awaiting trial unless they are granted bail.

The move to send them to Houston, Texas, is at the centre of a row over Britain's extradition agreement with the United States.

I'm sure it's just a coincidence. Perhaps Coulbeck was embarrassed over the shame brought to him by his fiduciary misdeeds and took his own life, as did J. Clifford Baxter and Charles Rice of the El Paso Corporation and James Watkins of Arthur Andersen.

There are, of course, many corporate executives who bear the tremendous weight of their crimes on their conscience.

When they get caught.

Two new planets in the Texblogosphere

Previously reported by many others, Paul Burka of Texas Monthly has come over to the Dark Side (an inside joke, referring to this column by Burka about the badness of blogs).

But my new favorite is probably going to be HouStoned, the maiden voyage to Bloglandia by the eminent snarkers at the Houston Press.

Mark Warner will help change the map in Texas, too

Dembones writes the summary so I don't have to:

Former Virginia governor Mark Warner formed the Forward Together PAC as a likely first step to mounting a Presidential campaign in 2008. While that race remains well over the horizon, Warner has already earned praise for aggressively helping Democrats across the country with this year’s campaigns.

According to The Hill, Forward Together has “raked in $8.2 million and contributed $860,500 to 108 candidates and political committees“. On March 28, Forward Together PAC wrote $5,000 checks for Chet Edwards (CD-17) and Nick Lampson (CD-22).

Over the past month, Forward Together also hosted a three-stage interactive poll on the Internet. Advertisements for the “Map Changers” contest have appeared on this blog and we have featured multiple articles. Fifty candidates were presented in round one. Five from Texas made it into the field of twenty who progressed to round two, more than any other state. That list included Mary Beth Harrell (CD-31), Barbara Ann Radnofsky (US Senate), Ted Ankrum (CD-10), Chris Bell (Governor) and John Courage (CD-21).

Courage and Bell made it into the list of 10 finalists and earned $5,000 each from Forward Together. In round three, visitors to the MapChangers site selected the winner. At stake was a fundraising visit with Mark Warner that would attract publicity and campaign contributions. The field included two Texans, the only state with more than one finalist. Fearing that a split of the Texas vote would cost the state the grand prize, Bell and Courage coordinated their campaigns. The word went out. Bell encouraged the Texroots to support John Courage in the MapChanger finals.

The strategy was effective. As the final days of voting passed, two finalists rose to the top of the standings. Bill Winter (Colorado CD-06) and Courage exchanged leads, leaving the rest of the field behind.

On the final weekend of the contest, Winter and Courage appealed directly to Warner. They requested that Warner visit both states, regardless of the MapChangers outcome. Voting continued with no official response from Warner. The netroots in Colorado and in Texas kicked into overdrive. Nationwide, more than 9,000 visited the site to register and vote.

Today, Forward Together released the results. Bill Winter was victorious. Congratulations to Winter and the entire Colorado netroots organization! It was a spirited campaign that promoted online activism and people-powered politics.

Buried in the seventeenth paragraph of the previously cited Hill article is the first authoritative response to last weekend’s appeal from Winter and Courage:

Warner will host fundraisers for the top two finalists, Bill Winter (Colo.) and John Courage (Texas).

A collective “YEEEEEE-HAW!” emerged from across the Texroots. Congratulations to everyone who voted. You did it. Thank you.

The Texas Progressive Alliance (of which Brains and Eggs is a member) led this blogswarm, and kudos to every one of us who made it a success.