Republicans really shouldn't be debating

... particularly if they aren't capable of doing any better than Martha Wong performed last night in her tete-a-tete (that's French, Martha) with Ellen Cohen and Mhair Dekmezian last night at Rice.

Really. That Wong tapes over the word "Republicans" on her lawn signs starts to make sense when she says things like"The Trans-Texas Corridor will only cost $2 million dollars." I can't really blame her for doing that, though; if I were still a Republican, I wouldn't want anyone to know it either.

This woman isn't even my representative and I'm embarrassed. The same kind of embarrassment that wells up when Carole Strayhorn, who has been endorsed by Texas teachers' unions but can't name the newly-elected Mexican president, or when Kinky Friedman opens his mouth to say anything at all.

Wong also has an extraordinarily unsettling manner of viciously denouncing her opponents, and inappropriately grinning at the conclusion of her rabid attack. Disconcerting.

Pollyanna posted her lengthy summary (sorry we weren't introduced, Kim; next time let's do a kaffeklatsch --that's German, Martha -- afterwards) and she notes some of my highlighted moments:

-- Libertarian Dekmezian offered more than a few moments of Kinky-style comic relief. Visibly nervous all the way to the end, with no apparent rehearsal or even prepared remarks for opening or closing, Dekmezian still made points that the mostly progressive audience nodded and applauded and laughed at (in a good way). As hilarious as it is watching a 14-year-old trying to play with grown-ups, he ought to be excused from the third scheduled debate, despite the fact that he was better at understanding and communicating the issues than the Republican incumbent.

-- Wong is a little too redundant with phrases like "plaintiff's attorneys" and "tort reform", especially for an audience that is not the River Oaks Republicans.

We sat in the mezzanine, behind a row of seating reserved for the Wong campaign, and who should plop his fat ass down in front of us than Tom DeLay's Cabana Boy and two of his minions. Culberson acted just like the rest of the partisans in the audience, applauding after the moderator asked us not to, nodding his big fat head at the moronic pronouncements Wong made seemingly every 60 seconds, and so on. A special shout-out to John NoRailonRichmond: my mother-in-law and father-in-law, Republican voters since they came to the United States in 1962, are voting for Jim Henley. It's easy to see why you don't want to debate, either.

Enjoy your lobbying career, you miserable ass.

Ellen Cohen handled this affair the way Chris Bell managed his competition last Friday night: if it had been a prizefight, the referee would have stopped it at the halfway mark.

New, real, effective representation for the 134th. That fresh air you feel this morning inside the Loop isn't just a cool front.

Drive-by linking

A few quick shots for your reading pleasure:

-- The Statesman has drawn an analogy between my man David and Dorothy Gale of The Wizard of Oz. It's a proper analogy, when you take it in full context. David is wrapping up the last of the Whistlestop Courthouse Tours this week and next, in Fort Worth and Dallas, then Houston, and completing in San Antonio and Austin.

-- Tonight's debate between HD-134 candidates Ellen Cohen, Martha Wong, and Libertarian Mhair Dekmezian at Rice University promises to be fun. Ryan has the particulars if you want to attend, or if you'd rather stream it live online. I'll be on hand and post a report late tonight or tomorrow.

-- Chris Bell's call for Kinky to pull out of the gubernatorial race was met with sputtering indignation from the former Texas Jewboy, and even more vinegar-laced invective from his supporters, including -- natch -- the Repugnants who are praying Governor MoFo can manage to get re-elected.

Snap, goons: this is about Kinky's supporters, not Kinky. They're the ones who are desperate for an out, and Friedman keeps giving it to them every time he opens his mouth. I think most of them are smart enough not to waste a vote on possibly the worst candidate the state of Texas has even seen, but unless their boy does the smart thing and quits the race, we'll have to test that intelligence theory on Election Day.

A vote for Kinky is a vote for Rick Perry, that's why the hell not.

-- Mark Warner is not going to run for the Democratic nomination for President. Eileen and Greg are sad. Me? Not so much. Warner is too conservative for my taste. He'll be kingmaker of a sort this presidential cycle with his obvious fundraising talents, but I don't look for him to even take the #2 slot on a presidential ticket (if one accepts the rationale for not running for President is to save the wear-and-tear on his wife and kids).

I like Warner as a Senator or even as Governor again, and we 'll let the future sort itself out. And I agree with kos relative to how the 2008 Sweepstakes shifts with Warner out now.

See how easy that was, Kinky? Oh wait, you don't have any family, just a bunch of stray dogs. GTF out of the race anyway, dude. The joke is over.

Pull out, Kinky.

The overnight news from the Dallas paper has Chris Bell asking Kinky Friedman to get out of the race. Kinky's response is to dig in his bootheels.

Here's my message:

Pull out, Kinky. You know you want to.

You're not having fun any longer. All this running around all over Hell's half-acre, having to talk to reporters who keep asking the same damn questions (like 'why do you say "n----r" all the time'), lousy food and weak coffee and hard hotel beds and shitty pillows and everything else about life on the road that you quit years ago when you stopped making music and started writing cheap detective novels.

It's time to go back to the ranch, to your stray dogs, to the cigar-smell infested bunkhouse you call home, take off that nasty hat, brush your slimy teeth and lay it down.

Texas needs you to quit, Kinky. Now.