Melissa Monday -- and Tuesday, then Saturday

My dear Boadicea, Warrior Queen (Google it):

With a hat tip to Kuff, I'll let John Whiteside at Blue Bayou do the heavy lifting, because he does it so well: When there are just two candidates, the distinctions become clearer than when you've got a whole pack running. Front-runner Noriega has behaved like a front-runner, with some get out the vote activities. Morales has, to be kind, stopped making a lot of sense. Before the first election, his focus seemed to be statements about dramatic property tax cuts (but not, as far as I was able to see, any details about what cuts to city services would make this possible). Now he's talking about "sanctuary." What that means, of course, is the police department's policy of not asking everyone they encounter whether they are in the country illegally. It's a reasonable policy, and one that you will find in a number of large cities; aside from the drain on police time (a particular problem for our understaffed department), there are practical matters. Could you prove that you're in the country legally during a traffic stop? I couldn't. Think what would happen next would depend on your accent and skin tone? You bet. The police department does, of course, cooperate with Homeland Security on immigration enforcement activities and DHS has had positive things to say about the relationship. This is not "sanctuary," which means protecting someone. If you're providing "sanctuary" you're not cooperating with the authorities trying to catch somebody. Anytime you hear someone talk about "sanctuary" it's a sure sign that they are misinformed, or - in the case of a politician - bending the truth to stir people up. Election day for the runoff is June 16, but the number of voting locations has collapsed, so it's going to be confusing. Better to early vote at a convenient location. 2% turnout is being expected. That's approx 15,000 voters deciding this city council race in the fourth largest city in the country. If you're a Houstonian, be one of the few, the proud, the actual voting public. Vote early. Vote for Melissa Noriega. Vote with a friend. Be one of the approx 7,501 deciders of this race. You'll be glad you did.

Bush Defends Immigration Bill to His Rapidly Imploding Base of Xenophobic Crackers

Straight from the source -- WhiteHouse.org:

THE PRESIDENT: Good afternoon. Today I want to take a minute to gab atcha about the new bipartisan immigration bill which I'm betting the farm will be the only part of my legacy that isn't a big sloppy shit sandwich. Now for some mysterious reason, lots of folks don't like my policy – and a big chunk of my base is even trying to get it killed in Congress. Luckily, it's not the all-important Corporate Gazillionaire Plutocracy part of my base. No, it's just the piss-ignorant, dirt-poor, trailer trash KKK Bible zombie part of my base. And me and Karl Rove know how to play them like a cheap jew's harp. [Thumbs Up.]

That's why today, I just wanted to issue a friendly reminder to all those millions of red state Rush Limbaugh fans who have worshipped me without question for the past seven years:

Folks, we've been together through a lot. And you've stood by me through it all. Through the illegitimate election of 2000. Through the double-dip recession. Through the terror attacks of 9/11^TM. Through Enron. Through the botched war in Afghanistan and failed hunt for Osama bin Laden. Through the clusterfuck kickoff to the Iraq war in 2003. Through the Patriot Act and illegal wiretapping of innocent Americans. Through "Mission Accomplished." Through Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay and a policy of torture. Through Katrina. Through failed Social Security reform. Through Armstrong Williams & Jeff Gannon. Through Terri Schaivo. Through Tom Delay. Through Mark Foley. Through Scooter Libby. Through $3.00 gas. Through Walter Reed. Through "the Surge". Through Alberto Gonzales. And now even through 3500 US troops killed in Vietraq.

And after all that, the thing it takes to get you folks pissed at me is letting a few million Mexi-Ricans pour over our borders and steal your jobs so you can't afford to put Ramen on the table? Well, I think I understand your problem. On one hand, you correctly accept that I'm practically Jesus. But on the other hand, you can't help but feel a surge of simple-minded, paranoid racist hatred every time you hear one of those dirty Spics yammering away in that nonsense gibberish of theirs – when even Star Trek nerds know that English is the only language in the universe. So yeah, I know, it's awful confusing for y'all.

That's why today, I just wanted to shoot out a quickie reminder to you folks that should clear everything up:

I am your divinely appointed ruler.

God picked me.

Never question my (His) opinions.

Immediately resume being the obedient brainwashed hicks I know and love.

Or you will rot in Hell.

[Thumbs Up.]

I have spoken.

Thank you.