Sunday Funnies

"And hold back a little when you whoop your four-year-old sons with a switch."

Since when do we prosecute anyone for war crimes?

To paraphrase Alberto Gonzales... that would be quaint.

The parents of murdered journalist Steven Sotloff were told by a White House counterterrorism official at a meeting last May that they could face criminal prosecution if they paid ransom to try to free their son, a spokesman for the family told Yahoo News Friday night.

"The family felt completely and utterly helpless when they heard this," said Barak Barfi, a friend of Sotloff who is serving as a spokesman for his family. "The Sotloffs felt there was nothing they could do to get Steve out."

The journalist's father, Art, was "shaking" after the meeting with the official, who works for the National Security Council, Barfi said. The families of three other hostages being held by the militant group Islamic State were also at the White House meeting, sources told Yahoo News.

Did you read that correctly?  I'm just asking because I did not, on first read.

The Sotloff family issued their statement after Diane Foley, the mother of murdered journalist James Foley, told ABC News that her family took statements by the White House counterterrorism official about legal bars to paying ransom as a "threat, and it was appalling. ... We were horrified he would say that. He just told us we would be prosecuted."

[...]

Sources close to the families say that at the time of the White House meeting the Sotloffs and Foleys — after receiving direct threats from IS — were exploring lining up donors who would help pay multimillion-dollar ransoms to free their sons. But after the meeting those efforts collapsed, one source said, because of concerns that "donors could expose themselves to prosecution." 

Although European hostages have been freed through ransom payments that have run into the millions of dollars, the Obama administration has taken a hard line against any such payments, viewing the transfer of cash as a violation of federal laws that forbid providing "material support" to a terrorist organization.

Barfi said that within a few hours of the White House meeting, he was at a separate meeting with State Department officials. One of those officials repeatedly mentioned the "material support" law and made it "clear," said Barfi, that criminal prosecutions could result if ransoms to the IS terrorists were paid.

So here's the message I'm getting from our government's leaders (elected and appointed):

If you use enhanced interrogation techniques on torture detainees prisoners of war, or if you authorize the use of enhanced interrogation techniques torture of detainees prisoners of war, you will not be prosecuted.  In fact, you may very well have a second career as a military strategist on teevee.

If you make a donation of hundreds of thousands of dollars to your favorite politician through his or her super PAC, you don't even have to disclose your name or the name of your company, much less worry about violating the law.

But if you make a donation to a family whose loved one has been kidnapped by terrorists for the purpose of having the terrorists release that person... your government wants you to clearly understand that you will be prosecuted for that crime.

What. A. Country.

"Whooped" with a "switch"

As a matter of personal testimony, I was raised in country-ass East Texas just like Adrian Peterson, and was also whooped -- I think it would be more correct to both spell and pronounce the word 'whupped' -- with a switch when I was a kid.  I was hit with a belt a few times by my dad (RIP).  And that is no excuse for what Adrian Peterson did to his son.  Of all the things I have read that have been written so far, this is the best.

Imagine looking up at Adrian Peterson through the eyes of a four-year-old child.

The easy smile that helped make him famous is not there. He's holding a switch. You are a little boy with your pants down and leaves in your mouth.

The police report of what happened to one of Peterson's sons is sickening. The photos, which reportedly show week-old lacerations, are more so.

The act of what happened in Texas to that little boy, if true, is worst of all. Peterson has been indicted for whipping a child repeatedly with a tree branch. There were injuries all over his body, including on his scrotum. There is a warrant for Peterson's arrest.

Through his lawyer, Peterson has stated that he did not mean to inflict such serious harm. It is possible he meant only to teach the child a lesson. That, however, doesn't absolve the Minnesota Vikings star. 

Rusty Hardin, legal savior to the sports stars, is his counsel.  Natch.

The team deactivated Peterson for Sunday's game against the New England Patriots, and to say they had no choice is both too obvious to suggest and too important to dismiss. This entire wretched week has been given over to whether NFL teams should let the legal process take its course in a case of an arrest for abuse. Yes, there are times when the evidence is not enough to override due process. But domestic violence is not often fabricated. And on occasion the details of a police report are so graphic and so heinous that a decision needs to be made for the benefit of the league and the general public. This is not a football decision or a business decision, but a moral decision. The Vikings made that decision quickly and correctly.

They did not rely on Peterson's popularity or his role in the community. They did not hesitate because Peterson has always been considered a nice guy. These were mistakes the Ravens made with Ray Rice, who was also beloved before he punched his fiancé. In some cases, he was beloved after punching out his fiancé.

The Vikings did not think of this as an isolated incident, because the severity of this incident isolates it from anything else. Peterson is an adult who was indicted for inflicting torturous pain on a small child, and there are not two sides to that story.

There seems to be some upheaval in our social morés of late, some of them football-related.  In the exalted New National Pastime, which is steadily encroaching on our autumn leisure weekends that now stretch from Thursday night to Monday night, with gladiators falling from inflicted blows both in the short term and the long one, while some of the our nation's wealthiest Republicans exploit a socialist experiment in ways even the Chinese haven't considered... some Americans on the fringe, so to speak, are starting to question the obsession.

Since Peterson was charged with child abuse in Montgomery County -- about a 75-25 split on the low end, Republicans to Democrats -- at least we won't have to hear any whining about "liberals on the grand jury", as we did when Rick Perry was indicted.

But back to All Day.

Details spilled out in the press and in social media, and still it was easy to give Peterson the benefit of the doubt. It was a spanking. It's a parental matter. It's different in Texas.

Then the photos and police report emerged, and the revulsion was inescapable.

Yeah, those pictures.

You will be “mad at me about his leg,” (Peterson) texted, adding that he “felt bad after the fact.”

Peterson also told the boy’s mother about his son’s injury to his privates, CBS reported.

“Got him in the nuts once I noticed,” he texted.

 [...]

“Never do I go overboard!” he texted. “But all my kids will know, hey daddy has the biggie heart but don’t play no games when it comes to acting right.”

Police reports obtained by the Houston station show the 4-year-old boy feared his father would punch him in the face if he reported the beating. He said his father had previously beaten him with belts.

Yeah, East Texas.  And lousy upbringings, despite all the discipline.  At least none of the good ol' boys 'round these parts (comments; force yourself)  are calling AP a thug.  Yet.  And I suppose some people -- even NFL players -- will still bitch about their fantasy football team's season being ruined.  We'll have to dismiss that callousness as well.  It's just a violent game, played by men with violent tendencies, in a nation that worships violence.  If guns and bombs could be involved, it would be even better.

Which part are we having trouble understanding?

We're in another war, the American people are all in, and there's no acceptable outcome other than total annihilation.  If we get tired of watching people get bombed in reality then we'll plug in a video game and bomb some people ourselves, virtually.  Or maybe we'll just hope that our favorite team's offensive coordinator has a game plan that includes long bombs.  You know, repetitive explosive concussions.

We're so desensitized that we don't even care if it's us that gets blown up so that our politicians -- our most powerful politicians -- don't have to inconvenience their corporate buddies.

Who's got a problem with any of this?  You're in the minority.  Shut up.

YouGov: Abbott 55, Davis 37

Pretty grim.  (Click to enlarge or go to the source, linked.)

After Abbott released an internal that showed him up 18, the Davis campaign released one showing him up eight (the same as that Rasmussen poll a month ago).  So what was needed for some Davis momentum was an external poll that would reveal the race as some figure at least between those two, or closer to hers.  No such luck; he gets his number.

Perhaps most grim to this tea leaf-reader are the percentages of independents (62%) and Latinos (42%) supporting Abbott.  That's almost insurmountable right there.  Charles seems to be either looking at the bright side or shrugging it off, but I can't do either one.  Polling had concluded by the time the news about Wendy Davis broke just one week ago, so how that might influence the results is something to look for in the next poll, whenever that might be.  And now the best that can be hoped for is another poll sometime over the next month that shows the race tightening.

The historical Texas numbers in the last two races for governor (2010, 2006) produced splits on the order of 55% for the Republican, 41% for the Democrat, 3% for the Libertarian, and 1% for the Green.  So this might be our first glimpse of another Red Wave, similar to what washed out the Democrats down the ballot four years ago.

Expect the attorney general to be even more detached from campaigning, debating, speaking to the media, etc. as we close in on the deadlines for voter registration (October 6), the start of early voting (October 20, five weeks away), and Election Day (November 4).  He's running for re-election -- yes, re-election -- in the Rick Perry style.

We're likely to see more inspiring (sic) teevee ads showing Greg Abbott pushing himself to the top of a parking garage, kissing Latino babies, firing a gun and even climbing a mountain where there's a stream for him to catch a fish.  Because that's how he'll roll to the end of this campaign season.... unless things close up a little, and then we'll see the attacks ads -- already cut and in the can -- pushed out onto the airwaves.

This election cycle, today, more closely resembles 2010 than 2008.

Update: Eye on Williamson reminds us that it's okay if it seems impossible.

Houston: Home of the brave

Let's just sample liberally from CultureMap.

OK, Halloween is still a month away, so it probably wasn't some horrific-idea costume that the gent was wearing when he walked into a Jason's Deli in Houston with the ISIS logo emblazoned on his shoulder. Social media is going wild with the image of a man in robes sporting the ISIS emblem that says only one thing — be afraid, be very afraid.

"You don't believe they're here? Look who was just found at Jason's Deli in (sic) at West 34th and 290 in Houston," Mike Kasper emailed friends after taking the photo. "That's the black standard ISIS emblem on his shoulder. Share the hell outta this. — Mike."

I must be friends with all the wrong conservatives.  This was the first I had seen or heard.

The folks at Jason's have received an earful. A Jason's customer service representative at the chain's toll-free number tells CultureMap, "We have gotten plenty of feedback about that... There was someone there but he is not a Jason's employee."

"He's not one of ours!" was Jason's first response.  Well, he does look like a customer to me.  If the photo hasn't been Shopped.  (More pics at the link.)

Kasper went so far as to inform the FBI. After their interrogation of the intrepid smartphone photographer, the FBI went dark on him. Won't return his emails. Won't return his phone calls.

Or so Kasper tells KTRH radio personality Matt Patrick. That interview is posted on the Christian rescue website shoebat.com, which is all over the sighting reporting not only Kasper's story but also claiming that another man wearing an ISIS logo was arrested in H-Town.

Matt Patrick, for the uninitiated, is one of the two Rush Limbaugh-wannabees on your local AM dial.  He's been looking up at Michael Berry for years.  Maybe he just got his big break.

This episode touches all the hot red buttons: Muslim terrorists like Obama pouring over the "boarder" with the rest of the Ill Eagles, etc.  Why is it that the people with the most guns and all the ammo are the biggest scaredy cats?

Do you think this will help boost turnout in the upcoming elections?  Honestly, I don't.  These people stay so perpetually frothed up about nothing that there's just no more juice to be squeezed out of that lemon.

Keep calm and carry on, even in the face of terrified Republicans.