Sunday Funnies

Sanctuary bill's demise: "strategic victory" for Perry

One of the nearly-completed legislative session's most stubborn zombies may have finally had a stake driven through its heart.

Despite Gov. Rick Perry's renewed call for its passage, legislation banning "sanctuary cities" appeared dead in the Senate, where 12 Democrats pledged to block consideration of the bill until past Wednesday's midnight deadline for House bills.

The legislation, passed by the House, would have banned local governments from creating "sanctuaries' for illegal immigrants by prohibiting law enforcement officers from inquiring into the immigration status of individuals they detain. Perry, who accused Democratic gubernatorial nominee Bill White of turning Houston into a sanctuary city during his tenure as mayor, made passage of the legislation one of his priorities.

On Wednesday, Perry said he would leave the issue to the Legislature but added, "it's a very important piece of legislation" that "people in the state of Texas want to see addressed."

House Bill 12 has been fought by Democrats, who say it will lead to racial profiling by police of Hispanics. They also point out that many police chiefs testified against the bill, saying it would take time away from local law enforcement duties to fill in as federal immigration officers. ...

Wednesday evening, state Sen. Dan Patrick, R-Houston, said he hoped the bill would be revived.

"I don't think we're ready to give up," he said. "All of the governor's other emergency measures have passed but this one."

But before we celebrate, let's treat ourselves to some of the most delicious spin ever written, courtesy Mark Jones at the Baker Institute for Public Policy:

(Governor Rick) Perry will receive credit from the Republican Party’s conservative base for prioritizing legislative efforts to end the presence of sanctuary cities in Texas. However, by not having to sign the bill into law, Perry will not incur the wrath of the large proportion of Hispanic voters who view such legislation as discriminatory — nor will he provide Democrats with an issue around which they could possibly mobilize (i.e. increase) Hispanic voter participation in 2012 (both at the state level in Texas’ county, state legislative and congressional elections and nationally in the event of a Perry presidential candidacy).

Last year, Perry carefully walked a tightrope in regard to his position on Arizona immigration reform legislation (SB 1070). He was very supportive of the Arizona legislation (thereby not alienating conservatives) but also proclaimed that it was not right for Texas (thereby not antagonizing or threatening Texas Hispanics). With the demise of HB 12 this past Wednesday, Perry has once again displayed his acrobatic abilities by strongly supporting legislation to prohibit the presence of sanctuary cities in Texas while at the same time avoiding having to sign that same legislation into law.

That crafty governor; he won by losing. If you blinked, you missed it: Rick Perry just three-dimensional checkmated the Democrats and flummoxed the TeaBaggers in one incredible political jiu-jitsu backflip.

Some people would call that 'considerable political acumen'.

With considerable political acumen, Perry has managed to promote the agenda of the conservative wing of the Republican Party without going so far as to either significantly diminish his support among Hispanics (recall that Perry garnered 38% of the Hispanic vote in 2010) or give Hispanics an issue around which to mobilize against either him or other Texas Republicans in 2012.

Why, the governor of Texas is such a stinkin' genius he ought to run for Prezdent. And maybe Jones could be his campaign manager.

Tex Trib poll winners: "Don't know"

The Texas Tribune polls a whole lot of undecided voters. They made the lede, though, all about Rick Perry's ineptitude.

It's a good thing Rick Perry says he's not running for president — only 4 percent of Texas Republicans say they'd vote for the governor, according to the latest University of Texas/Texas Tribune poll.

"This is a major question for a guy who's getting national buzz," says Daron Shaw, co-director of the poll and a government professor at UT. "He hasn't convinced Texans that he's a presidential front-runner."

Not that he's trying to. Perry has said repeatedly that he's not a presidential candidate without squelching campaigns to draft him as one.

Perry's not even the top-rated Texan in the race. That distinction gos to U.S. Rep. Ron Paul, R-Surfside, who's at 10 percent among registered voters who say they will vote in the Republican primary. The leader of the pack — and it's a narrow lead in a pack without a clear front-runner — is former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, at 12 percent, followed by former U.S. House Speaker Newt Gingrich, at 11 percent, and former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, 10 percent. Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney and U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann of Minnesota each have the support of 7 percent, followed by celebrity businessman Donald Trump, 6 percent; Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty, 4 percent; former U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania, 3 percent; and Gov. Mitch Daniels of Indiana and former Gov. Jon Huntsman of Utah, at 1 percent each.

One in 10 Republican voters want someone else, and 14 percent say they don't know whom they'd vote for in a GOP primary held today. Several of the candidates on that list, including Huckabee, Trump and Daniels, have dropped out since poll was conducted.

So Rick Perry came in nearly last, and "Don't Know" came in first, barely ahead of Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich. Recall that a GOP activist who regularly comments here said he "didn't know anyone who was supporting Gingrich". Someone is obviously wrong. And another embarrassing part for the Trib: they conducted their poll in the middle of Trump's meltdown, Gingrich's disastrous rollout, and Huckabee and Daniels both announcing they were not getting in the race.

The US Senate polling makes no more sense than this, either. It also has "Don't Know" winning ... in a landslide.

On the Republican side, 50 percent say they don't know how they'd vote; 7 percent say they're looking for someone not on our list. As for the list, Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst is the leader, with 25 percent, followed by former Railroad Commissioner Michael Williams, at 6 percent; former Dallas Mayor Tom Leppert and U.S. Rep. Michael McCaul of Austin, 4 percent each; former Texas Solicitor General Ted Cruz and former Texas Secretary of State Roger Williams, 2 percent; and Railroad Commissioner Elizabeth Ames Jones, 1 percent.

The Democrats have even more undecided voters, at 63 percent. The newest candidate in that conversation, retired Gen. Ricardo Sanchez, led the way, with 14 percent, followed by former U.S. Reps. Chet Edwards of Waco, 11 percent, and Chris Bell of Houston, at 7 percent; and former state Comptroller John Sharp, at 6 percent.

There is the first time I have seen McCaul's name mentioned in the contest to replace Kay Bailey that was speculation more significant than two drunk Republicans in a bar on 290. But he's one of two on that list (Dewhurst is the other) that can self-fund a $25 million Senate contest. Leppert and Cruz have already bragged about raising in excess of a million bucks each; Williams and Williams are just under that figure.

Bell likely isn't running for Senator, either; Sharp cancelled his fund-raising committee and let his Sharp for Senate domain comically expire months ago. There's no groundswell for Edwards that this blogger is aware of.  Only Sanchez -- whose campaign kick-off has been nearly as bad as Gingrich's -- is in and I surmise will remain the only serious entrant.

But really, why didn't they just throw Bill White's name up against the wall to see if it would stick?

When you're just pulling names out of your ass a hat, you're not seriously "polling the electorate". Whether because of past questionable methodology or plain old bad luck in timing, these Trib polls continue to reveal next to nothing of value.

They do, however, solidly reinforce the prevailing, decades-long narrative: that Democratic resistance is futile in this state. The GOP can screw up everything in Texas but their hold on a poorly-informed, brain-washed majority remains firm. In other words, the future remains grim.

The global oil market explained, in animated rap video

No really, it's good. It's NSFW but it executive-summarizes the topic quite well.