Sunday Funnies (Immigration Edition)

From the central counting office (not quite a live-blog)

Councilwoman-elect Melissa Noriega and her husband Rick.

4:00 p.m. Saturday, June 16: I arrive downtown at the Harris County administration building and proceed to the elections office on the 4th floor. I will be the Noriega campaign's poll watcher, which means I get to observe all of the operations of the county election officials as they process the vote. I meet Beverley Kaufman, county clerk and others and they begin tabulating the absentee and early voting results.

Two early voting locations list a report of broken seals on DREs. I document these carefully, but broken seals are not necessarily evidence of malicious activity. The seals are flimsy -- they have the thickness of a small paperclip and are similar to the kind you would see on your electricity meter, so they could break simply from normal handling (never mind sloppy or rough).

On the other hand, a missing seal or a seal whose serial number doesn't match its accompanying records would be evidence that might trigger a felony vote-tampering investigation. There is no evidence of anything like this witnessed by me; the county officials are experienced, thorough and committed to quality control.

5:35 p.m.: The absentee ballots favor Morales slightly -- by about 70 votes out of more than 5,000 -- but Noriega amasses a 1,300-vote margin in the early ballots, and takes a lead (54.5% to 45.5%) she will never relinquish. These results will not be made public until after the polls close at 7 p.m. Our cellphones are silenced, and leaving the room even to go to the bathroom is strongly discouraged. There is a sheriff's deputy present (for any variety of order enforcement scenarios).

7:00 p.m.: Polls close, the results above are posted online. In the Gadget Age, most everyone who cares gets the count from the website now; there is only one media representative in the adjacent press room. He's a very young man from the Chronicle who looks no more thrilled about spending his Saturday night in a downtown office than the rest of us.

7:15 p.m.: The tabulators downtown touch base with the county's subordinate officials collecting the mobile ballot boxes at the George R Brown convention center; this is where the precinct judges around the city are arriving with their e-Slates, from which is extracted the computer cards which are read and the results fed back to us. These updates continue until ...

7:59 p.m.: ... the results from 20 precincts are posted, showing Noriega with about a 1.400-vote lead out of 13,635 ballots counted. The counters continue to post results online about every fifteen minutes, and the raw numbers naturally go up but the end result doesn't change. Melissa is cruising to an easy win.

9:23 p.m.: With 80% of all voting precincts counted, Noriega has 12,453 votes to Morales' 9,910. The percentages are 55.7 -- 44.3.

The first interesting and-not-in-a-good-way development: there is one precinct's ballot box unaccounted for, and reports from the field indicate that the precinct judge is as well. Attempts are initiated to determine his whereabouts, involving the afore-mentioned sheriff's deputies. He was last reported leaving his home at 7:45, dropping his wife off before driving into town from one of the far west exurbs.

10:04 p.m.: Almost in time for the evening news, 99.61% of precincts (256 of 257) show Noriega still holding 55.5% of the tally. In the nation's fourth largest city, with a population of four million -- greater than that of 16 states -- an at-large representative gets elected with less than 25,000 votes cast.

10:45 p.m.: That AWOL judge and his ballot box show up at last, and his 100+ votes complete the count. One worthy note: Houston residents residing in Fort Bend county go Noriega 164-44. That's the absolutely final, fitting stick in the eye to Tom DeLay (it was Shelley Gibbs who resigned this city council seat to sit in the Hammer's chair for a month before Nick Lampson took it over).

I can't wait to work a presidential; I'll get to stay up 'til dawn providing you with such stimulating after-the-fact commentary.

Sunday Funnies (Non-Immigration edition)

New Orleans turns to international assistance

Bush Inc. has turned parts of the United States into the third world. An American city forced to ask for foreign aid after a national disaster -- I find that simply astounding. And repulsive.

I also have to wonder if Houston, as the home of his parents as well as some of the country''s most virulent Republicans, would be faring better:

The cash-strapped city of New Orleans is turning to foreign countries for help to rebuild as federal hurricane-recovery dollars remain slow to flow.

Kenya Smith, director of intergovernmental relations for Mayor Ray Nagin, said city leaders are talking with more than five countries. He wouldn't identify the countries, saying discussions were in the early stages. But he said the city is "very serious" about pursuing foreign help.

"Of course, we would love to have all the resources we need from federal and state partners, but we're comfortable now in having to be creative," Smith said. He did not know if the city would have to overcome any obstacles if it got firm pledges for aid, but "we want to make sure we're leaving no options unexplored."

Perhaps New Orleans will erect a bronze statue of Condi Rice trying on shoes, Bush strumming a guitar and "Heckuva Job" Brownie talking on a cellphone -- in Jackson Square -- to commemorate the profound indifference of the administration to the plight of the Gulf Coast during Katrina.

Darfur refugees attend NBA Finals

Congratulations to the Spurs on their sweep of the Cavs last night; here's a story you won't see much about:

Cavaliers reserve swingman Ira Newble hugged and shook hands with 15 refugees from southern Sudan, his special guests for Game 4.

Newble has become an activist for Darfur, a region of Sudan where four years of warfare have left more than 200,000 dead and 2.5 million people displaced.

"A lot of people are losing lives right now. This needs to stop," Newble said. "This is a form of genocide. It's no different than the Holocaust."

Newble has been gathering signatures from fellow players for a letter he plans to send to China, a major backer of Sudan. China is also the host of the 2008 Olympics, an event in which NBA players will participate.

China, which buys two-thirds of Sudan's oil exports, sells the African country weapons and military aircraft and has blocked efforts to send U.N. peacekeeping forces to Darfur without Sudanese consent.

So far, Newble has 15 signatures on the letter. He said more are to come.

Newble decided to take action after reading about the conflict, including the involvement of professor Eric Reeves, a Sudan expert at Smith College in Massachusetts.

"He's a guy who could have easily looked away," said Reeves, who attended the game. "Ira has fashioned a dream team of consciousness."

Newble, who was inactive for Game 4 and has only played one minute in the series, invited 15 of Sudan's "Lost Boys," orphaned and made homeless in Sudan's civil war, to Quicken Loans Arena.

Ngor Aguen, 27, came to Cleveland six years ago from Sudan with help from Catholic Charities. Wearing a blue Cavs hat and a wine-colored "Rise Up!" T-shirt, he met Newble for the first time Thursday night.

"He's got a heart," Aguen said. "He can see outside of here and say, 'What can I do to help?' God put it in his hands. I think he will be a messenger."

Newble plans a trip to Darfur in August.

The Darfur conflict began in 2003 when local rebels took up arms against the Sudanese government, accusing it of decades of neglect. Sudanese leaders are accused of unleashing the pro-government Arab militia, the janjaweed, to fight them -- a charge they deny.

Billo: "Slavery is essential for a healthy agrarian economy"

If Fox News Had Existed Throughout History

See more like this on kontraband.com

My response from Bartcop

He basically told me it's all a lie. Which is kind of disappointing:

It's Hillary's election to lose.
People hate it when I state the facts, but what choice do I have?

Hillarty's (sic) going to win every state Kerry won
- then add about 6 million women voters and pop the champagne.

But when she takes the oath, people can't hold me responsible for everything she does..

He didn't address the whole toxicity issue, but Bart really only ever talks about Congress to complain, Dems or Repukes.

Still love him, still think he's wrong about Hillary.

"Crapping our pants with musketballs of joy"

Jesus, please just let me post this before I crap my own pants with musketballs of jocularity:

Mitt Romney: That jaw! Those FAA-approved shoulders! So tall! So presidential-looking! And thank goodness someone's willing to stand up to the arrogant, know-it-all truth and insist that Saddam rejected IAEA inspectors. Can we double Guantanamo now, daddy?

Rudy Giuliani: Tough! Steely! Take-charge hero of 9/11! He'd be a great hunter if he hunted! Messy divorces? Bernie Kerik? Megalomania? Water under the bridge. And if you make Lieberman your veep we may crap our pants with musketballs of joy. Now, tell us more about Iran nuke plans, daddy!

John McCain: Maverick's hittin' his stride? Straight Talk Express back on the tracks? Answer to immigration question at last debate puts him in driver's seat? Even nuke-ier on Iran than the cross-dresser? New slogan---"Iraq 4evuh, my friends"---has edgy, youthful ring to it. Can we sit on your lap and do pony rides, Granddad?

Sam Brownback: A sweet man who's simply getting overshadowed by his wealthier rivals. But he's a shoe-in to head the new Department of Womb Management. ("Ya keeps the baby or ya gets the lash!")

Mike Huckabee: Started off strong by scaring the fur off the Great Orange Satan's hindquarters, and had us in stitches by attributing 110lb weight loss to a stay at "a concentration camp held by the Democrat Party of Arkansas." Then, to nation's horror, turned heretic by forgetting Ronald Reagan's birthday. No more funds, governor, 'til you make Simi Valley pilgrimage and atone.

Tommy Thompson: Hate to break it to ya, son, but if you can’t control your bowels, you can't control the country.

Fred Thompson: Christ is risen.

Hillary loses to all three top Republicans

and Barack Obama defeats them all (LA Times/Bloomberg, .pdf):

Hillary - 41
McCain - 45

Hillary - 41
Romney - 43

Hillary - 39
Giuliani - 49

***

Obama - 47
McCain - 35

Obama - 50
Romney - 34

Obama - 46
Giuliani - 41

****

Edwards - 40
McCain - 45

Edwards - 46
Romney - 32

Edwards - 46
Giuliani -43

****

Also, 18 percent of Democrats polled say they will never vote for Hillary under any circumstances. That is true for only six percent for Edwards and five percent for Obama.

Texans are lovin' Hill hard at the moment.

Now if that's not enough evidence to those who do not accept the premise that Clinton is ruin to Democrats down-ballot -- and their numbers include EOW, Kuff, and Greg -- then just wait a while longer, gentlemen, and there will be some more coming shortly. Just please don't wait until November 2008. Or next summer. Or even next winter. (And please do tell me again how I cannot infer such a result from these abysmal numbers. Please.)

In Austin today, John Edwards -- the Democrat Republicans fear the most -- picked up several endorsements, from Senator Kirk Watson to Rep. Garnet Coleman to Ag Commish candidate Hank Gilbert.

I'll take two, please

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music -- inside a woman's breast implant.

The iBOOB will cost between $499 and $599.

This is considered a major technological breakthrough, addressing the concerns of women who complain about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Regarding Tony

Nothing happens. Credits. What?

It is what it is. Whaddyagonnado?

Melissa Monday -- and Tuesday, then Saturday

My dear Boadicea, Warrior Queen (Google it):

With a hat tip to Kuff, I'll let John Whiteside at Blue Bayou do the heavy lifting, because he does it so well: When there are just two candidates, the distinctions become clearer than when you've got a whole pack running. Front-runner Noriega has behaved like a front-runner, with some get out the vote activities. Morales has, to be kind, stopped making a lot of sense. Before the first election, his focus seemed to be statements about dramatic property tax cuts (but not, as far as I was able to see, any details about what cuts to city services would make this possible). Now he's talking about "sanctuary." What that means, of course, is the police department's policy of not asking everyone they encounter whether they are in the country illegally. It's a reasonable policy, and one that you will find in a number of large cities; aside from the drain on police time (a particular problem for our understaffed department), there are practical matters. Could you prove that you're in the country legally during a traffic stop? I couldn't. Think what would happen next would depend on your accent and skin tone? You bet. The police department does, of course, cooperate with Homeland Security on immigration enforcement activities and DHS has had positive things to say about the relationship. This is not "sanctuary," which means protecting someone. If you're providing "sanctuary" you're not cooperating with the authorities trying to catch somebody. Anytime you hear someone talk about "sanctuary" it's a sure sign that they are misinformed, or - in the case of a politician - bending the truth to stir people up. Election day for the runoff is June 16, but the number of voting locations has collapsed, so it's going to be confusing. Better to early vote at a convenient location. 2% turnout is being expected. That's approx 15,000 voters deciding this city council race in the fourth largest city in the country. If you're a Houstonian, be one of the few, the proud, the actual voting public. Vote early. Vote for Melissa Noriega. Vote with a friend. Be one of the approx 7,501 deciders of this race. You'll be glad you did.