Sunday Funnies

Sid "Sonogram" Miller, Ted Cruz, and Louie Gohmert

The updates are flying in over the transom as we close in on Monday's candidate filing deadline for 2014.  Let's focus on the news of the weird... and that -- generally speaking, at least -- involves the TXGOP.

The former state legislator responsible for the Texas sonogram law -- in which women must have a wand inserted in their uterus, and must look at the generated image of the fetus before the clinic can perform an abortion -- is, naturally, running for Texas agriculture commissioner.  And it seems he thinks as highly of his prized quarter horses as he does the women of Texas.  First, Gator in The Bayou...

Former state representative Sid Miller wants to be the next Agriculture Commissioner of Texas. He was fired by his constituents in a 2012 Republican primary run-off election.

A serious candidate for the Republican primary, Sid hired ‘Nuge’ as his campaign manager. Yes, Ted Nugent.

Now the hopeful and self-described ‘arthur’ of the Texas sonogram law has been accused of mistreating his high-dollar, prize-winning quarter horses.

It happened at the Alamo Quarter Horse Breeder Association show in San Antonio back in May of this year.  He tied three of his horses to a trailer and pulled it with a truck.

And from that DMN article...

 “If anybody thinks that I would tie three half-million-dollar horses to a trailer and they had a chance of getting a scratch on them or injuring themselves, I would have to be an idiot,” (my emphasis) said Miller, who raises and sells the animals. “My horses get the very best of care that they can get, and not just because they are worth a lot of money, but because I think a lot of them. I love my horses.”

Sid, you took the words right out of our mouths. Sid also seemed to eventually come to an agreement with himself that he indeed is an idiot.

“I shouldn’t have done it. I just wasn’t thinking. It’s just such a common practice for me that I really didn’t think nothing of it,” Miller said. “I just should have known better because not everybody understands it.”

There's some excuse-making in there -- he's probably not going to trot his quarter horses behind a truck when anybody else can see him doing it -- but since this is Sid Miller, half-baked contrition still qualifies as progress.

I ran this cartoon by Ben Sargent last month that explains exactly why Sonogram Sid is going to be the Republican nominee, and it has nothing to do with Ted Nugent or quarter horses.

All Sid needs to do now is go on an Obamacare rant and he'll have the nomination locked up.

-- Speaking of rants, Ted Cruz seriously misjudged the depth of the bigotry among his base.  He posted a respectful acknowledgement of the passing of Nelson Mandela to his Facebook wall, and what he got back from his followers almost defies belief.  For that development we go to Burnt Orange.

... (O)ur Senator Ted Cruz shared kind words and condolences to Mandela's family and the people of South Africa. Unfortunately, the response to his statement on his Facebook page did not reflect this sentiment. And while Ted Cruz's Facebook page has never been ground zero to discover human intellect and compassion, the outpouring of racism, bigotry, and ignorance was absolutely unprecedented to see for a man who had just recently passed and did so much for the country he led. Instead, the majority of comments referred to Mandela as a communist and a terrorist.

BOR has posted some screenshots of the filth, just in case the original should disappear.

Apparently the people who comprise Ted Cruz's supporters think it's better to be a racist than it is to be a communist.  This really shouldn't surprise anybody.  More on this from TFN Insider.

-- Finally, ahead of John Cornyn's hilariously ridiculous Tweets, ahead of Joe Barton declaring he would vote to repeal the minimum wage, and even ahead of Pete Olson and Steve Stockman circulating proposed articles of impeachment (of the attorney general and the president, respectively)... we have the undisputed king of the dipshits, Louie Gohmert.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) seemingly tied Christianity to U.S. national security during a bizarre speech on the House floor on Thursday, the Huffington Post reported.

“If you were completely areligious, completely atheistic, but you wanted to have a free country, and you wanted to have it safe and protected, then it would sound like, from historical purposes, that it might be a good thing to encourage those who believe in God to keep doing so,” Gohmert said. “Because when a nation’s leaders honor that God, that nation is protected. It’s only when it turns away that it falls.”

The remarks came during a speech about what Gohmert described as the continued persecution of Christians worldwide. The Tea Party congressman also referred to Israel during his remarks, which came less than a month after he criticized President Barack Obama’s administration for not using Biblical prophecy as the basis for U.S. policy in dealing with the country.

“If the God who protected Israel since its inception through many generations until they stopped honoring the god of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob — which, by the way, no country has ever fallen while it was truly honoring the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob,” Gohmert argued.

The Post also noted that Gohmert has blamed atheists for the June 2012 mass shooting at a Colorado movie theater and for the increase in suicide among military service members.

This half agnostic/half atheist is going to take a pass on the encouragement to anyone of speaking to an invisible Duck-Dynasty-bearded senior citizen living in the clouds for any purpose whatsoever.  But you go ahead and pray your ass off, Louie.  Hell, you can even pray for me if it makes you feel better.

The rest of you Republican elected pikers can quit now; there's no topping that.  This week, anyway.

Greg Abbott, CPRIT, and an indictment

Despite the deep freeze Texas finds itself in this morning, Greg Abbott is lying in bed sweating and hitting his call button, trying to wake up the maid to turn down his thermostat.

Texas Democrats, including their presumptive nominee for Governor Sen. Wendy Davis, sought on Friday to make Attorney General Greg Abbott feel political heat for an indictment related to the Cancer Prevention and Research Institute of Texas. As the (Austin) Statesman first reported, former executive Jerry Cobbs was indicted in relation to an $11 million grant that did not go through the agency's proper review process. An agency audit faulted Cobbs for “improperly” putting the application of the company in question on a committee agenda.

“The indictment of a former CPRIT official confirms that Greg Abbott has betrayed Texas taxpayers by failing to show up to even one CPRIT oversight board meeting,” Sen. Davis said. “Abbott has yet to fully explain why he failed in his basic oversight responsibilities to Texas taxpayers.”

As Harvey Kronberg has noted at the link above: "nearly silence from Abbott's folks".  Maybe they're all snowed in.

Just one year ago, Glenn Smith predicted the cancer/cronyism scandal would engulf the GOP.  The fire has been smoldering all this time, and -- despite Harvey's casual toss-off as just some political maneuver -- is about to erupt in flames.  Then...

In a series of explosive articles, the Dallas Morning News has revealed that many of the grants went to Perry and Dewhurst’s allies and donors. The agency’s scientists that review grant proposals have resigned in protest. Those actions have already made the scandal news in international science journals like the well-respected Nature.

[...]

The Dallas Morning News video above gives a thumbnail version of the growing scandal. I would also encourage you to read articles here, here and here.

... and now:

A former top executive of Texas' $3 billion cancer-fighting effort was indicted over an improperly awarded $11 million taxpayer-funded grant that plunged the state agency into turmoil, prosecutors said Friday.

Ending a yearlong criminal investigation into the Cancer Prevention and Research Institute of Texas, prosecutors said a single felony count against former chief commercialization officer Jerald "Jerry" Cobbs will be the only criminal charge filed after an Austin grand jury declined to issue indictments related to other agency missteps.

Cobbs, 62, is charged with securing the execution of a document by deception. He is accused of allowing Dallas-based Peloton Therapeutics in 2010 to secure one of the agency's most lucrative awards ever even though the merits of the company's proposal were never scrutinized.

There's been lots written here about it, and lots more by others.  In July, the HouChron...

In the more than four years he served on the state cancer agency's governing board, Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott exercised no oversight as the agency made misstep after misstep in awarding tens of millions of dollars to commercial interests.

The state's top lawyer and watchdog instead appointed one of his deputies, who missed about a third of the Cancer Prevention and Research Institute of Texas Oversight Committee meetings, and, by all accounts, was not much of a presence in the agency's questionable decision-making.

"It turns out that Abbott sitting on the oversight board was a green light rather than a caution sign," wrote Matt Angle, director of the Lone Star Project, a Democratic political action committee. "Businesses backed by Abbott contributors - many of whom are partisan Republicans - have received large grants and contracts from CPRIT without fear of any oversight at all."

And yesterday, the Texas Tribune.

Cobbs served as the institute's chief commercialization officer for three years, before resigning (in November 2012). In that role, he was responsible for presenting the Peloton grant to the Oversight Board for approval. Given the amount of the grant, and the allegations that Cobbs failed to disclose that it had not gone through the required review process, he is being charged with a first-degree felony punishable by five to 99 years in jail and up to a $10,000 fine. He turned himself in (Friday) morning and was released on an $85,000 bond, according to the Public Integrity Unit's Gregg Cox.

Frankly I think Tom Pauken pulled out too soon.  But that assessment is dependent upon Texas Republicans finally discovering some understanding of the moral corruption and ribald incompetence of their presumptive gubernatorial nominee.

Based on the enthusiasm expressed in this advance from Big Jolly of Abbott's appearance at the Houston Pachyderm Club just this past Thursday -- I'll link to his slideshow of the festivities as soon as he puts it up -- I'm not holding my breath on them getting it.

Update: Slideshow linked.  They ain't getting it.

More on how this topic is a ready-made cudgel with which to beat on Abbott from Socratic Gadfly.  And from John Coby: Abbott's campaign wheels wobble.

Judge Susan Criss resigns, will run for Texas House

From her Facebook wall.

For fifteen years I was honored to wear a black robe for the people of Galveston County. Four times I raised my hand and swore, so help me God, to faithfully execute the duties of the office of the 212th District Court of Galveston County, Texas and to the best of my ability protect, preserve and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States and of Texas.

While I dearly love this job, it is time for me to serve my community in a different capacity. In order to do that I am required by law to resign from this position before December 9, 2013. I sent a letter to Governor Perry resigning from this bench effective at 5 pm December 6, 2013. I ask that he appoint someone to fill this term.

On Sunday December 8, 2013 at 2:00 p.m. I will file for the office of State Representative of District 23 at the Texas Democratic Party office in Austin.

For a decade and a half I administered justice to the best of my ability. I tried to be fair to everyone who appeared before my bench. When I was a young prosecutor, Judge Raymond Magee told me that the man who drives to the courthouse in a pickup truck deserves the same justice as the man who drove there in a Cadillac. I never forgot his words and aspired to live up to them every day.

I was addressed as “Your Honor”. That was an appropriate term, but not because I was special. It truly was my greatest honor to be able to serve the people of Galveston County in our justice system. I loved this job, the people I worked with, the lawyers who appeared before me, and the people I served.

One sign on the door of my courtroom reads: ”This court belongs to the people.” The other has a quote by Sam Houston: “Do right and risk the consequences.” Both signs reflect my beliefs about justice and about government service. The pink granite building in Austin also belongs to the people, the ones who drive Cadillacs, the ones who drive pickup trucks and the ones who cannot drive at all.

The people of District 23 deserve strong effective representation in the Texas House. I am excited about working hard to ensure that District 23’s voices are heard in Austin.

The news just gets better and better.