And DOWN the backstretch they come

I enjoyed this after spending a few days last week at Delta Downs:

The horses are in the starting gate for the Iowa Caucuses.

AND THEY'RE OFF!

Southern Man takes the lead with First Lady on the inside. Chicago Kid is close up in third. Senor Ambassador stumbled a bit coming out of the gate and runs several lengths back in fourth with Talk Show Joe close behind. Further back to Little Big Man and Connecticut Yankee.

Oh Oh! Baked Alaskan has veered off the track and appears to be racing the outrider's pony.

As they round the clubhouse turn, First Lady pulls away from Southern Man opening up a three-length lead. The time in the first quarter is a blistering :22.2 seconds.

Down the backstretch, First Lady still in front, Southern Man a close second and Chicago Kid begins to make up ground. Further back, Senor Ambassador and Talk Show Joe are moving up, vying for fourth place with Little Big Man close behind. Connecticut Yankee is in sixth. The outrider has straightened out Baked Alaskan and he is now rounding the clubhouse turn -- don't worry folks, he's alright, just a little confused.

As they round the turn and head for home...

CHICAGO KID MAKES A SPECTACULAR MOVE ON THE FAR OUTSIDE, ROARING PAST FIRST LADY AND SOUTHERN MAN!

BUT FIRST LADY IS NOT GIVING UP!

AND HERE COMES SOUTHERN MAN RUNNING BETWEEN HORSES!

IT'S HEAD TO HEAD, NOSE TO NOSE! DOWN TO THE WIRE! ANYONE COULD WIN IT!

Now isn't this exciting!

And starring Chuck Rosenthal as Larry Craig

"GOP Implosions for $500, Alex":

-- Which Republican official refuses to resign at the behest of party leadership due to yet another embarrassing sex scandal?

That would be both of 'em, of course. Only the orifices have been changed, and not to protect the innocent.

Behold the man who believes he has the powah to do something about this sordid mess, HCRP chairman Jared Woodfill:


Note the Pat Riley 'do, the diamond-encrusted Rolex and cufflinks, the solid wood hammer he threatens to bring down hard upon the wild willy of one Chuck Rosenthal, soon-to-be-former incumbent district attorney of Harris County.

(Note the geographical instructions for confused Republicans in the background behind him.)

This a true man of the people. A man who rules with impartiality, fairness, and sober jurisprudence. A man of respect, authority, and unquestioned influence.

"What part of 'no' don't you understand?" Rosenthal asked party chairman Jared Woodfill, according to County Judge Ed Emmett, who attended the emergency meeting.

After the four-hour, closed-door meeting that included questioning of Rosenthal, 15 members of the party's Advisory Committee voted unanimously to urge him to withdraw from the March 4 Republican primary for district attorney.

"The consensus was this is a position of high trust, and when this position is questioned, when this position is breached, we feel like it's important that we make a change," Woodfill said.

But Rosenthal, exiting the Greenway Plaza meeting about a half-hour before the it ended, said, "I'm going to run for district attorney and I am going to win."

He said he did not know if he will have an opponent in the Republican primary.

"I certainly hope not. I don't think they've got anybody with the qualifications to run against me," Rosenthal added.

Oh. Well, sorry about that, Jared. Maybe you could call for backup? Reinforcements? A higher power (and no, we ain't talkin' 'bout God)?

(Judge Ed) Emmett, the chief county government official, could be seen discussing the situation with Rosenthal in a side room while the party leaders continued their meeting. Rosenthal frequently raised his arms and gestured during his discussions with the county judge and the party chairman.

Emmett said the GOP activists made the right decision in calling for Rosenthal to step down.

"At this point he is damaged goods, and the party is reflecting that," Emmett said.

But you couldn't talk sense into him either, could you Judge?

The important thing to keep in mind is that this really isn't about Rosenthal's moral failings, it's about his competence as a manager. Any corporate position of this grade would have policies in place preventing not just the undue fraternization of supervisors and subordinates, but also the ethical violation of having one's former girlfriend on the county payroll at twice the salary of comparable positions, along with a company car and expenses.

Moral turpitude, I believe it's called.

And some people would have the dignity to step aside when their lapses in judgment were publicly revealed. But hey, it's still a free country (allegedly), so Chuck can do what he wants and damn the torpedos.

I'm starting to feel bad for the Republicans. No really, I am. If I were still a Republican at this point (and for the record, I quit the Kool-Aid a long time ago -- after Iran-contra), I would run away to the beach and spend the rest of the next eleven months sipping a paper umbrella cocktail, slowly passing my metal detector from side to side, scooting a few dominoes and maybe some shuffleboard, trying hard to keep ignoring the signs of the impending tsunami.

Live out my remaining time dreaming of the good ol' days, when Tom DeLay's collapse was the worst thing that could have ever been.

Not so much resolutions ...

... as they are dream wishes:

1. That Anton Scalia be impeached and removed from the U.S. Supreme Court for willfully interfering with the 2000 presidential election through the fraudulent temporary restraining order he issued to stop the Florida recount that the Florida Supreme Court ordered under Florida law;
   
   
2. That Dick Cheney and George W. Bush as co-defendants be impeached and removed from office in a dual proceeding on the grounds of multiple occasions of willful defiance of the Constitution, including but not limited to willful disregard of the Bill of Rights, and willful disregard of the Constitutional limitations on powers of the executive branch, and multiple criminal offenses including but not limited to willfully lying to Congress and the public on multiple occasions in order to induce the passage of legislation to authorize the Iraq war and occupation;
   
   
3. That the new President appoint Congressman and former Texas Supreme Court Justice Lloyd Doggett to fill the Supreme Court vacancy resulting from Scalia's removal from office;
   
   
4. That Clarence Thomas resign from the Supreme Court in protest and the new President appoint attorney and Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. to the resulting vacancy;
   
   
5. That Congress repeal all legislation authorizing the use of American military forces in Iraq and require the Joint Chiefs of Staff to withdraw all American military forces from Iraq, with the withdrawal to commence within no later than 24 hours after the enactment of the legislation and to be completed within no more than 90 days;
   
   
6. That all authorization, permission, and/or contracts for American citizens and companies to conduct military, paramilitary, or security operations in Iraq be canceled;
   
   
7. That Congress repeal the Patriot Act, the Military Commissions Act, and all similar post-9/11 legislation authorizing greater governmental authority over the liberty and freedom of human beings; 7A. That the FISA Act be repealed and the authority to issue or disapprove search warrants in all cases including electronic eavesdropping be returned to the regular judiciary under the strict standards of the Fourth Amendment;
   
   
8. That the new President renounce all "signing statements" written during the presidency of George W. Bush;
   
   
9. That all detainees at Guantanamo Bay and all other facilities of the United States be either charged with criminal offenses within 24 hours or released from detention;
   
   
10. That new antitrust and anti-monopoly statutes be enacted to outlaw the huge new combinations and conglomerations of capital;
    
    
11. That the National Labor Relations Act be repealed and replaced with a new and more meaningful charter for the rights of workers to organize and bargain collectively pursuant to the First and Thirteenth Amendments of the United States Constitution;
    
    
12. That the U.S. Supreme Court overrule its 19th century County of Santa Clara decision that erroneously pronounced corporations to be persons within the protection of the Fourteenth Amendment;
    
    
13. That the Texas courts restore full meaning to Article 3 Section 51 of the Texas Constitution as to prohibit all usages of public authority for private gain;
    
    
14. That the people of Texas amend the Texas Constitution so as to repeal the 2003 amendment of the Open Courts provision, Article 1 Section 13, and restore the fundamental rights of the people to open courts with full remedies for all legal wrongs;
    
    
15. That the people of Texas repeal Article 1 Section 32 of the Texas Constitution that was added in 2005 to interfere with fundamental personal liberty and privacy by prohibiting legal recognition for certain domestic partnerships between consenting adults;
    
    
16. That the people of Texas amend the Texas Constitution so as to prohibit all usage of forcible eminent domain for economic development or other private economic gain, with no exceptions;
    
    
17. That the people of Texas amend the Texas Constitution so as to require approval by referendum of the voters residing in a county for the construction of any toll road or part thereof in the county and for the continued maintenance of any existing toll road or part thereof in the county;
    
    
18. That the people of Texas amend the Texas Constitution so as to require democratic elections by the voters of every governing member of every governmental body at every level of government that possesses the authority to make final decisions to spend public money or wield public authority;
    
    
19. That all public officials conduct themselves with the knowledge that in a democracy every citizen is a 100 percent equal co-owner of the government and that public officials hold office only for the benefit of the public and with the permission of the public as stewards for the public trust; and
    
    
20. That all politicians renounce the philosophy of spin and adopt the philosophy of say what you mean and mean what you say.

Sunday Funnies

In Harris County, DA stands for Dumb Ass

A few samples from around the Tubes regarding the escapades of Harris County's district attorney, Chuck Rosenthal:

As district attorney of a county with a population of four million, more than that of several states, Mr. Rosenthal also presides over the country’s busiest capital punishment establishment, which has sent 100 convicted murderers to their deaths since 1976.

Following in the footsteps of former congressman Mark Foley, it seems like Harris County’s District Attorney, Chuck Rosenthal, forgot emails are forever. Especially those emails you send from your County-owned computer. What part of “open records” do you not understand?? What part of “fidelity” and “adultery” do you not understand?

Dumb, Chuck. Really. Dumb.

What makes us want to up chuck, Chuck, are the mash notes emailed to your former mistress and current Executive Assistant, Kerry Stevens, some of which were printed in today’s Houston Chronicle. ...

This statement from Rosenthal:

Recently some Harris County District Attorney inner (sic) office emails have been released in the media.

I understand that I have said some things that have caused pain and difficulty for my family, my coworkers and friends. I deeply regret having said those things. Moreover, I am sorry for the problems I have caused anyone.

I also understand that sometimes things happen for a purpose. This event has served as a wake-up call to me to get my house in order both literally and figuratively.

Romeo, you’d best take your pants to the tailors and get those faulty zippers replaced. Again.

One of our usually reliable sources in Houston said to watch for Chuck’s resignation announcement. While we agree wholeheartedly that he needs to resign because his actions reflect his lack of personal integrity which; therefore, reflects poorly upon the integrity of his DA’s office, we’ll wait and see. We’re five days away from the filing deadline.

Five days can be an awfully loooong time in Texas politics.

"nonewsisgoodnews", commenting on the story at the Chron:

Why is anyone surprised Rosenthal put his (former???) girlfriend on the public payroll at about double the going rate for her "official" duties? This is the same guy that went to the jail to interview a defendant by claiming he was a defense attorney. The same guy who invited an attorney to bring his client to his office for a "private" meeting, and then planted a "bug" in a clock so that he could listen in to private discussions between the attorney and his client.

His biggest claim to fame was that when the federal building in Oklahoma City was blown up, he celebrated by getting drunk at his desk, and then set off firecrackers in the District Attorney's building. He had a heck of a laugh as terrified prosecutors scrambled down the stairwells in fear of their lives.

But, he is immune to critics. He goes to all Republican party gatherings with a bracelet that says "WWJD"...What Would Jesus Do?" Among the Republican faithful, that bracelet means you are free to do what ever you want.

And finally the translated statement from Rosenthal, courtesy Bay Area John:

Recently some Harris County District Attorney inner office emails have been released in the media. It makes me look like a hypocrite which lately is not hard to do in the Republican party.

I understand that I have said some things that have caused pain and difficulty for my family, like writing an email that said I wanted to kiss my secretary behind her right ear when in fact her left ear is just as luscious. Or wanting to caress her firm supple breasteses. (Ok I didnt write that, but I did think it) I deeply regret having said those things although I had quite a woody when I did.

I also understand that sometimes things happen for a purpose. Maybe this will encourage my wife to leave my sorry ass, or for the Harris County Republican Party to denounce my adulterous behavior and demand my resignation. But I am not going to hold my breath since Jared Woodfill is a big wuss and won't do diddly squat. In fact maybe Jared should resign.

This event should serve as a wake-up call to the voters of Harris County concerning the lack of ethics, intelligence, and Christian family values of the Gross Old hyPocrite party.

Charles "The Horny and Incredibly Stupid" Rosenthal
Soon to be Former Harris County District Attorney

Terrified Huckabee demands immediate border wall construction

The only thing faster than Huck's rise in the polls has been his remarkable talent for shooting himself in the foot:

Mike Huckabee used the volatile situation in Pakistan Friday to make an argument for building a fence on the American border with Mexico and found himself trying to explain a series of remarks about Pakistanis and their nation.

On Thursday night he told reporters in Orlando, Fla.: “We ought to have an immediate, very clear monitoring of our borders and particularly to make sure if there’s any unusual activity of Pakistanis coming into the country.”

Yes, that's exactly what 'we' ought to do, Mike. Double-check the IDs and nationality of every single one of those "illegals" pouring over the border.

On Friday, in Pella, Iowa, he expanded on those remarks.

“When I say single them out I am making the observation that we have more Pakistani illegals coming across our border than all other nationalities except those immediately south of the border,” he told reporters in Pella. “And in light of what is happening in Pakistan it ought to give us pause as to why are so many illegals coming across these borders.”

Wrong again, Huckster:

In fact, far more illegal immigrants come from the Philippines, Korea, China and Vietnam, according to recent estimates from the Department of Homeland Security.

Asked how a border fence would help keep out Pakistani immigrants, Mr. Huckabee argued that airplane security was already strong, but that security at the southern United States border was dangerously weak.

“The fact is that the immigration issue is not so much about people coming to pick lettuce or make beds, it’s about someone coming with a shoulder-fired missile,” he said.

Obviously 'we' had better to go to Orange Alert.

This flip-flop on immigration (coincidentally coming in the wake of Tom Tancredo's withdrawal) surprises and disappoints a LULAC official who once worked with Huck:

Hispanic activists in Arkansas who viewed former Gov. Mike Huckabee as a voice of moderation on illegal immigration say they've been taken aback by the hard-line stance he's adopted.

While governor, Huckabee gained favor with Hispanic leaders by denouncing a high-profile federal immigration raid and suggesting some anti-illegal immigration measures were driven by racism. He advocated making children of illegal immigrants eligible for college scholarships.

Huckabee's Republican presidential rivals have tried to make an issue of the scholarship plan, portraying him as soft on illegal immigration. Huckabee responded this month by unveiling a plan to seal the Mexican border, hire more agents to patrol it and make illegal immigrants go home before they could apply to return to this country.

"He's trying to be tougher on immigration than we've ever seen him before," said Carlos Cervantes, the Arkansas director of the League of United Latin American Citizens. " ... I don't see that he's willing to work with us now."

And also underscores a number of Hucko's embarrassing gaffes (including this hilarious "eastern borders with Afghanistan" mistake):

The sudden emergency in Pakistan and Huckabee’s response come at a time when he has come under increasing scrutiny from opponents for his lack of fluency in foreign policy issues, and the situation in Pakistan appeared to have challenged him.

“We have seen what happens in the Musharraf government,” Huckabee said on MSNBC. “He has told us he does not have enough control of those eastern borders near Afghanistan to be able go after the terrorists. But on the other hand, did he not want us going in, so what do we do?” Those borders are actually on the west, not the east.

Further, he offered an Orlando crowd his “apologies for what has happened in Pakistan.” His aides said later that he meant to say “sympathies.” He also said he was worried about martial law “continuing” in Pakistan, although Musharraf lifted the state of emergency on Dec. 15. His campaign told CBS News that his statement was not a blunder.

Stace awards Huck the Tancrazy. I heartily concur.

Update (12/29): Lone Star Times, my favorite right-wing blog -- seriously -- has more on Huck's foibles that include John Bolton and Condi Rice having to straighten him out.