A Cuban missle crisis in Dallas

(There's been too much nasty talk around here lately, so here's an NBA post.)

Kenny Smith, the former Houston Rocket, expounds on Association expansion:

While on the NBA Europe Live Tour, which featured NBA teams playing in Turkey, Italy, Spain and England, I pondered this question: Is it possible for the league to have teams that reside in Europe?

I've talked to commissioner David Stern on several occasions about this subject, and he contends that due to scheduling, logistical nightmares and time-zone changes, it is out of the question at this time. He also told me that the All-Star game would be too difficult to have in Europe because of the same reasons at this time. He always ends such statements with "at this time." (There's the hint.)

Do I think it's possible? Yes. There are a lot of variables, but if planned correctly, European expansion could and should happen.

I used to be one of those purists that thought basketball is our game and that European players are inferior. Am I right? Who cares? The real truth came from Bill Russell when I was complaining about foreign players and their inclusion. He said, as an African-American, I never should complain about inclusion. So I'm all for adding teams from overseas.

I agree that scheduling would be a huge problem. For example, if there were a team in Spain, it would have approximately an eight-hour flight to the United States. Then when it got here, it would have to deal with the time zone change, a seven-hour difference if it played on the West Coast. How could you give the team fair time to adjust?

The solution is simple: Add approximately six new franchises at once.

They would make up the new Euro Division, with teams based in Italy, Spain, France, England and Greece. Clubs from North America would have to spend two weeks of the regular season in Europe before the All-Star game and again after the All-Star game. To further accommodate this expansion across the Atlantic Ocean, the NBA would have to shorten the schedule to 70 games. (I feel it's worth shortening the season to add the global market to the league!)

I know the next comment from my former NBA purist brothers is: "The NBA is already watered down in talent. These new teams would dilute the league even more!" Do I really have to bring up the Olympics or world championships? Or the fact that American dominance is over?

We have seen Spain, Greece and other countries fare extremely well against our so-called best. The world has caught up. (OK, there – I said it!)

Growing up in New York City, this reminds me of the time when all of the hot rappers came from New York – Big Daddy Kane, KRS-One, Run-D.M.C., etc. Then someone realized that, damn, they're rapping in Cali, too, with N.W.A. and Ice-T. Even Coolio ain't half-bad. (OK, I'm overdoing it.) Then came the Dirty South with Outkast and Dungeon Family. Then the Midwest popped off with Bone Thugs and Common … you get my drift?

There is talent out there, and it's creeping into the NBA instead of making a splash all at once. Don't sleep! Do you really think a team featuring Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili and Dirk Nowitzki couldn't contend? Hell, the past two MVPs came from Canada and Germany. Yao Ming could be next.

So, come on – expand your mind and be global. The commissioner is. And trust me, you will be wearing that Team Italia fitted and the Greece throwback one day. Count on it.

And in the run-up to the beginning of the NBA regular season, a few choice comments from my Rotisserrie tip sheet, Rotoworld:

The Mavs have their own version of the 'Cuban Missile Crisis' going on as they try to prove that they are not soft. Howard's forearm to the back of Brad Miller's head and the fact that Jerry Stackhouse (who has never walked away from a fight) is starting are good examples of changes the team is making in an effort to send the message. If Mark Cuban was on a deserted island, locked in a house with 12 strangers or trekking across the world in a race with his ex-roommate, he might gain a little more street cred than he's getting with the dance thing.

The New York Post reports "the Knicks are monitoring the Kobe Bryant soap opera, but indications are they will not place Eddy Curry in any trade, making a deal near impossible."

Knicks fans' suffering does not look to be ending any time soon. This report seems merely speculative, but if it is true it belongs in Ripley's Believe-It-or-Not.

Sacramento Kings reserve center Justin Williams has been accused by a Sacramento woman of sexual assault, a source told The Bee on Thursday, and the reserve big man has been given an indefinite leave of absence from the team as the investigation continues. The woman told police last week that she met Williams and another woman at a party and went with the couple to Williams' home. The woman said she did not drink before arriving at Williams' home and felt woozy after having a drink at the house. According to the source, who asked to not be identified because the investigation is ongoing, Williams and the other woman tried to have sex with the alleged victim in Williams' bedroom.

Update: The lawyer for Justin Williams, accused of sexual assault, says the sex his client and girlfriend had with a Sacramento woman was consensual:

"The truth is nothing happened that night that was not consensual, and we have proof of it," William J. Portanova said. "While some people may find it distasteful to think about it, it's a reality of 21st-century life." Police searched Williams' house on Wednesday and discovered evidence, but spokespeople for the police refused to say what was found.

Crap. More sex talk on this blog.

Putin: "Political Eroticism"

Moneyshot Quotes of the Week, first from Vladimir Putin. Excerpted for context:

Russian President Vladimir Putin said today that the US war in Iraq was a "pointless" battle against the Iraqi people.

"One can wipe off a political map some tyrannical regime . . . but it's absolutely pointless to fight with a people," Mr Putin said on television.

"It is strong enough to protect its interests within the national territory and, by the way, in other regions of the world.

"Thank God Russia is not Iraq," Mr Putin added.

When asked about supposed US intentions to gain control over Russia's huge, resource-rich interior, Mr Putin said: "I know that such ideas are brewing in the heads of some politicians. I think it is a sort of political eroticism which maybe gives someone pleasure but will hardly lead anywhere and the best example of that is Iraq."

More on the theory that war is sexual hell from George Carlin, going back a few decades:

I also look at war itself a little differently from most. I see it largely as an exercise in dick-waving. That's really all it is: a lot of men standing around in a field waving their dicks at one another. Men, insecure about the size of their penises, choose to kill one another.

That's also what all that moron athlete bullshit is all about, and what that macho, male posturing and strutting around in bars and locker rooms represents. It's called 'dick fear.' Men are terrified that their dicks are inadequate, and so they have to 'compete' in order to feel better about themselves. And since war is the ultimate competition, essentially men are killing one another in order to improve their genital self-esteem.

You needn't be a historian or a political scientist to see the Bigger Dick Foreign Policy Theory at work. It goes like this: 'What? They have bigger dicks? Bomb them!' And of course, the bombs, the rockets, and the bullets are all shaped like penises. Phallic weapons. There's an unconscious need to project the national penis into the affairs of others. It's called 'fucking with people'.

Broke Brownback quits

Kansas Sen. Sam Brownback is preparing today to abandon his bid for the GOP presidential nomination, after struggling financially and falling flat in a key test among Iowa Republicans.

Brownback was expected to announce his withdrawal Friday in Topeka, Kan., where he announced his long-shot bid in January. He spent part of today calling supporters to share his decision.

The Christian conservatives, lately in the news for their whining, bitching, pissing and moaning about Giuliani and the other front-walking candidates, just lost their best hope. Sen. Bareback was the most virulent homophobe of the whole lousy lot:

The 50-year-old, two-term senator was a favorite among social conservatives, who appreciated Brownback's firm stance against abortion and same-sex marriage. But even admirers gave him little chance against better known rivals, such as former New York City Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani and candidates with far more money, such as former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney.

But it was really all about the Benjamins:

Brownback's biggest problem, however, was a lack of money.

In the most recent campaign finance reports, released earlier this week, Brownback reported a mere $94,000 cash on hand, far less than any of his opponents. In all, he raised just less than $4 million, compared with $62 million for Romney and $47 million for Giuliani.

In a gamble, Brownback spent heavily to compete in an August Republican straw poll, hoping a strong showing would vault him into serious contention in the state that will vote first in 2008. But he finished a disappointing third behind Romney and Huckabee, and his campaign never recovered. A Des Moines Register Poll earlier this month showed Brownback with just 2% support; Romney led the survey with the backing of 29% of likely Republican caucus-goers.

Farewell, Senator Brokeback. Don't let the door hitcha where the Good Lord splitcha.

One Republican's sophistry on SCHIP

Behold the asshattery of Rep. Steve King (R-Douchesack, Iowa).

Everyone knows, of course, that Bush's SCHIP veto was sustained today by King, 150 other Republicans and two Democrats not to stop the nation's inexorable slide toward "socialized medicine" but because that money would pay for almost three whole months of military operations in Iraq.

And that's much more important than a bunch of poor sick kids.