A few cruise missiles fired into Syria ought to take our mind off his problems

When your spying comes to light,

And you're stymied by the Right,

A new puppy's not enough.

With the libs and cons a-screamin',

He can't be another Lincoln

When his shots all find the rough.

So relax. In a few days we'll be launching Cruz missiles into Syria, the week after that Egypt, and by this time next month everybody will have gotten over their outrage because football season will be in full swing.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled fantasy team drafts.