Staples, Patterson pile on Combs

It's Republican-on-Republican battery as these morons jockey for the lieutenant governorship three years from now.

Agriculture Commissioner Todd Staples and Land Commissioner Jerry Patterson are quick to slam Comptroller Susan Combs' widely criticized handling of a data breach that exposed the personal information of millions of Texans — a misstep that's marred her image as the one to beat if she runs for lieutenant governor in 2014.

They're also quick to cite another potential problem if she enters the GOP primary for the seat now held by Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst, who may run for U.S. Senate. Why, Staples asked in a statement, "after two decades in politics, has Combs suddenly switched from pro-choice to a pro-life position on abortion? Switching political philosophy solely for political gain is not committed conservatism, it's opportunistic."

Abortion is still a federally granted right, but Teabaggers throughout the nation are waging war on women through their headlong rush to restrict reproductive choice by any means necessary. Texas passed its sonogram bill into law, and it has already drawn its first lawsuit. Kansas is the latest and most restrictive (though a federal judge has at least temporarily blocked it from taking effect). Abortion is, in fact, only an issue when Republicans can use it to placate their evangelical Christian supporters.

So it makes sense -- only in the conservative hive mind, naturally --  that rather than keep the focus on Comb's obvious incompetence, Staples and Patterson are making their future primary battle a litmus test on who's farthest to the right on a hot-button social issue.

Patterson, asked about his abortion position, cited his pro-life credentials and added, "Todd and I have the same position. And Susan, I'm not sure what her position is this week." 

Patterson and Staples actually differ a bit. Patterson said he opposes abortion except when the mother's life is in danger. Staples believes Roe v. Wade should be overturned "and is pro-life with three narrowly defined exceptions of rape, incest or life of the mother," according to his camp.

Combs consultant Reggie Bashur said, "Susan wants Roe v. Wade overturned. She thinks abortion has become a form of birth control and sex-selection. She is against abortion except in cases of life of the mother, rape and incest."

Compare that to her view as a state representative, as showcased in this paragraph in a 1995 Austin American-Statesman article (and yes, there's some irony in the first sentence, given the data breach): " 'I don't give my Social Security number to anybody,' said the 50-year-old Combs, explaining that the number can be used to obtain personal information. 'We are so casual about government intrusion in our lives. I'm pro-choice for the same reason.' "

A 2003 Associated Press story about Combs, then agriculture commissioner, said she "supports a woman's right to choose, with exceptions. She opposes 'partial-birth' abortions and third-trimester abortions and favors parental notification for minors seeking abortions."

It's like watching the Three Stooges poke, slap, pull hair and hit each other in the face with cream pies. Combs, Staples, and Patterson are all ridiculous, incompetent, and to varying degrees corrupt. In other words, the typical statewide Texas Republican elected official. If conservatives in Texas had any sense at all they would turn the whole lot of them out in 2014.

But I don't believe they do, or will.

Fourth Funnies

Independence Day Wrangle

The Texas Progressive Alliance wishes the United States a happy 235th birthday as it brings you this holiday week roundup.

Off the Kuff took a look at changes in turnout in Congressional districts between 2006 and 2010.

After much chaos, the GOP-led Texas Lege finally adjourned this week. WCNews at Eye On Williamson says that what we got is what happens when fools rule.

How does "Tommy Lee Jones, United States Senator from Texas" sound? It's still a possibility, according to the recent news collected by PDiddie at Brains and Eggs.

CouldBeTrue of South Texas Chisme is already sick of Rick Perry's presidential run, what with the propaganda and a**hattery.

Neil at Texas Liberal noted that despite all the talk in Texas about how the federal government is bad, the state of Texas is taking disaster aid from Washington to help manage wildfires and drought.

Sunday Bat Signal Funnies

Tommy Lee Jones, the Senator from the Great State of Texas *update*

Happy Fourth weekend. You are aware that you're outlawed from blowing off your fingers and ruining your hearing? There's a wildfire hazard, you know.

Public Policy Polling reveals that Woodrow F. Call remains the Texas Democrats' only real shot at a statewide office in the 2012 cycle:

Tommy Lee Jones for Senate? We included him in the poll because there is a movement drafting him to run. He actually has a better favorability rating, at 28/14, than any of the candidates more likely to make the race. He has the sort of bipartisan appeal a Democrat would need to win statewide in Texas, with Republicans giving him a 25/12 favorability spread and independents a particularly good 35/12 one. He polls the best of any Democrat not just against Dewhurst but also against GOP hopefuls Ted Cruz and Tom Leppert. A Jones candidacy is probably a pipe dream for Democrats but the numbers do suggest he would have the potential to be a strong nominee.

Geoff Berg has been at the head of the movement, and he notes that US Marshal Sam Gerard Jones hasn't responded so far to any of the previous public entreaties. TLJ appears to be consumed at the moment with Men in Black 3, currently filming in New York but experiencing severe production delays and associated cost overruns. That movie, if it is on time, will reach theaters on Memorial Day weekend 2012. Which is just about perfect timing for a big movie star running for the United States Senate.

Help us, Agent K. You're our only hope.

Texas vows to reclaim title of "Most Regressive State" from Arizona

But Alabama and Mississippi also promise to be 'competitive'.

AUSTIN, TX—Following a series of embarrassingly backward laws recently enacted in Arizona, Texas Governor Rick Perry pledged Wednesday to do everything in his power to reestablish his state as the most regressive in the nation.

"I commend Arizona for its commitment to exceedingly draconian social policies, but [Arizona Governor] Jan Brewer should know that we still have some real doozies up our sleeve," said Perry, referring to Arizona's passage of the strictest immigration law in recent U.S. history, as well as its measures allowing concealed weapons to be carried without a permit and banning ethnic studies programs in public schools.

"Don't forget, we just put an ultraconservative stamp on our educational curriculum that's going to affect the textbooks the whole country uses, and I'm still the only governor nutso enough to float secession. Mark my words, we'll be back and more fucked up than ever!"

Sources close to Perry said that Texas may soon start storing undocumented migrant workers in dog cages while courts decide their immigration status, though Arizona plans to counter with a giant cannon that will be used to shoot anyone with a skin tone darker than ochre who crosses the border from Mexico.

God, don't you wish it really was a joke?

Related:

Arizona High Schools To Now Teach Spanish Entirely In English