Musings on the election returns

Governor Chris Bell, by a whopping margin. My happiest result.

A runoff for Barbara Radnofsky (go here for her webcast; I'm on it) and Gene Kelly, Ben Grant and Maria Luisa Alvarado in the Lieutenant Governor's contest, and Borris Miles and Al Edwards in SH-146 (still very close at 12:45 p.m., but I'm going to bed and hoping tomorrow sets off another thirty-day campaign season).

I attended the victory parties for Bell and Radnofsky and Miles this evening, and the mood was festive, excited, and determined for the battles ahead.

I conducted a successful precinct convention prior to the fun, enlisting four delegates to accompany me to the Senate District convention in three weeks.

I'm exhausted and elated at the same time.

Hammer to spend election night with lobbyists, Fastow prepares to stick it to his bosses

Too perfect for comment:

Rep. Tom DeLay, whose association with lobbyist Jack Abramoff has left him politically vulnerable, is spending Texas' primary night Tuesday at a fundraiser hosted by two Washington lobbyists. ...

The fundraiser is being held by lobbyists Bill Paxon and Susan Molinari, both former members of Congress from New York. The event will raise money for DeLay's re-election campaign. ...

Paxon, now a lobbyist with Akin Gump Strauss Hauer & Feld LLP, and his wife, Molinari, are friends of DeLay. Molinari is chairwoman and CEO of The Washington Group, a Ketchum company.

DeLay's toughest primary challenger, attorney Tom Campbell, criticized the congressman's election night plans:

"I think it's amazingly ironic and callous he would be spending election night with a group of lobbyists," Campbell said. "I don't think he understands how unhappy constituents are with what appears to be a trade of principle for power."

My prediction is that DeLay will win tomorrow without a runoff. And lose in November.

In other local felony indictee news, Jeff Fastow is all set to testify against his former bosses:

As the next witness — expected to take the stand by Tuesday — he will have his chance to redraw the portrait that Lay and Skilling have painted of him as a rogue employee, substituting the image of one made the scapegoat for a broader conspiracy.

"I've got to think he's going to defend himself and be combative and angry," said Kent Schaffer, a Houston attorney who has followed the case. "I don't think it will be particularly effective, but he will be one of the most interesting witnesses."

Keep an eye on the Chron's coverage of the Enron trial. It's the best out there.

It's hard out here for a Chimp

Well it's hard out here for a Chimp
There's a whole lotta Bushes gettin' bent.
While there's not a lot of money bein' spent
To help no hurricane survivors pay the rent.

Well it's hard out here for a Chimp
gotta make a livin' on the money Poppy sent.
When yo poll numbers start to take a dip
There's a lot of politicians jumpin' ship.

Now it's hard out here for a Chimp
When yo foreign allies think you look like Shemp.
And yo high-priced (women) don't get 'em sent
In they' Manolos to Nola, so you went.

Now it's hard out here for a Chimp
When yo clockers think dat they da prez-i-dent.
What I give to play ball wit' Jack Kemp
'Steada killah Cheney on a huntin' trip.

Well it's hard out here for a Chimp

So if you missed it...

...you can go here and read all about it.

Armed vice president to guard nation's ports

I'm in San Antonio and Austin through the weekend working on the campaign, so here's your news courtesy of Andy Borowitz:

Attempting to defuse the controversy over the decision to place the operation of several key American ports in the hands of a company based in Dubai, Vice President Dick Cheney said today that he would personally patrol those ports with a 28-gauge shotgun.

Calling himself “armed and dangerous,” the vice president used a White House press briefing to put potential evildoers at the nation’s ports on notice.

“If anyone tries any funny business at one of our nation’s ports, they’re going to have to answer to this!” he declared, brandishing his shotgun for the benefit of reporters.

Moments after Mr. Cheney pulled out the firearm, however, the room cleared as reporters ran for their lives. “I have never been more terrified in my life than when Dick Cheney whipped out that gun,” said NBC White House correspondent David Gregory. “I was sure I was a goner.”

In his remarks to the press, the vice president said that he would be “vigilant and on alert” for any suspicious activities at the nation’s ports: “I’ll have one beer at lunch, but that’s it.”

While Mr. Cheney’s offer to patrol the nation’s ports seemed designed to silence critics of thecontroversial port deal, Sen. Joseph Biden (D-Del.) said he was “not satisfied” that a shotgun-wielding vice president could provide adequate security.

“Knowing Dick Cheney, if he takes aim at a terrorist, he’ll wind up hitting a bird,” Sen. Biden said.

That had to be Feingold, not Biden. Biden isn't that quick or (rapier-like with his wit).