Monday, July 04, 2011

Fourth Funnies

Independence Day Wrangle

The Texas Progressive Alliance wishes the United States a happy 235th birthday as it brings you this holiday week roundup.

Off the Kuff took a look at changes in turnout in Congressional districts between 2006 and 2010.

After much chaos, the GOP-led Texas Lege finally adjourned this week. WCNews at Eye On Williamson says that what we got is what happens when fools rule.

How does "Tommy Lee Jones, United States Senator from Texas" sound? It's still a possibility, according to the recent news collected by PDiddie at Brains and Eggs.

CouldBeTrue of South Texas Chisme is already sick of Rick Perry's presidential run, what with the propaganda and a**hattery.

Neil at Texas Liberal noted that despite all the talk in Texas about how the federal government is bad, the state of Texas is taking disaster aid from Washington to help manage wildfires and drought.

Saturday, July 02, 2011

Tommy Lee Jones, the Senator from the Great State of Texas *update*

Happy Fourth weekend. You are aware that you're outlawed from blowing off your fingers and ruining your hearing? There's a wildfire hazard, you know.

Public Policy Polling reveals that Woodrow F. Call remains the Texas Democrats' only real shot at a statewide office in the 2012 cycle:

Tommy Lee Jones for Senate? We included him in the poll because there is a movement drafting him to run. He actually has a better favorability rating, at 28/14, than any of the candidates more likely to make the race. He has the sort of bipartisan appeal a Democrat would need to win statewide in Texas, with Republicans giving him a 25/12 favorability spread and independents a particularly good 35/12 one. He polls the best of any Democrat not just against Dewhurst but also against GOP hopefuls Ted Cruz and Tom Leppert. A Jones candidacy is probably a pipe dream for Democrats but the numbers do suggest he would have the potential to be a strong nominee.

Geoff Berg has been at the head of the movement, and he notes that US Marshal Sam Gerard Jones hasn't responded so far to any of the previous public entreaties. TLJ appears to be consumed at the moment with Men in Black 3, currently filming in New York but experiencing severe production delays and associated cost overruns. That movie, if it is on time, will reach theaters on Memorial Day weekend 2012. Which is just about perfect timing for a big movie star running for the United States Senate.

Help us, Agent K. You're our only hope.

Friday, July 01, 2011

Texas vows to reclaim title of "Most Regressive State" from Arizona

But Alabama and Mississippi also promise to be 'competitive'.

AUSTIN, TX—Following a series of embarrassingly backward laws recently enacted in Arizona, Texas Governor Rick Perry pledged Wednesday to do everything in his power to reestablish his state as the most regressive in the nation.

"I commend Arizona for its commitment to exceedingly draconian social policies, but [Arizona Governor] Jan Brewer should know that we still have some real doozies up our sleeve," said Perry, referring to Arizona's passage of the strictest immigration law in recent U.S. history, as well as its measures allowing concealed weapons to be carried without a permit and banning ethnic studies programs in public schools.

"Don't forget, we just put an ultraconservative stamp on our educational curriculum that's going to affect the textbooks the whole country uses, and I'm still the only governor nutso enough to float secession. Mark my words, we'll be back and more fucked up than ever!"

Sources close to Perry said that Texas may soon start storing undocumented migrant workers in dog cages while courts decide their immigration status, though Arizona plans to counter with a giant cannon that will be used to shoot anyone with a skin tone darker than ochre who crosses the border from Mexico.

God, don't you wish it really was a joke?

Related:

Arizona High Schools To Now Teach Spanish Entirely In English