This week's GOP Screw-up Round-up

If we leave the Bush Monarchy out of it and focus solely on the presidential candidate comedy troupe, we find a pretty funny collection. First up, Fred "The Second Coming of Reagan" Thompson:

Fred Thompson, who is weighing a Republican presidential bid as a social conservative, "has no recollection" of performing lobbying work in 1991 for a family planning group that was seeking to relax an abortion counseling rule, a spokesman said Friday.

Write him off. Getting paid for advocating for reproductive freedom when you're supposed to be a fundamentalist is the kiss of death. Then again, this is just the kind of rank hypocrisy that the last vestiges of the Republican base laps up like thirsty dogs. That he's working the Alberto Gonzales/Sergeant Schultz defense right from the get-go suggests it's his only way out.

Next, Mitt Romney's porno problem:

Republican presidential contender Mitt Romney, who rails against pornography, is being criticized by social conservatives who argue that he should have tried to halt hardcore hotel movie offerings during his near-decade on the Marriott board.

Two conservative activists say the distribution of such graphic adult movies runs counter to the family image cultivated by Romney, the Marriotts and their shared Mormon faith.

"Marriott is a major pornographer. And even though he may have fought it, everyone on that board is a hypocrite for presenting themselves as family values when their hotels offer 70 different types of hardcore pornography," said Phil Burress, president of Citizens for Community Values, an anti-pornography group based in Ohio.

Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, a leading conservative group in Washington, said: "They have to assume some responsibility. It's their hotels, it's their television sets."

During a recent Associated Press interview, Romney said he did not recall pornography coming up for discussion while he was on the Marriott board from 1992 to 2001. He also said he was unaware of how much revenue pornography may have generated for the hotel chain.

Once again, a Republican presidential candidate cannot recall selling himself out from under conservative val-yews. Who will the fundies turn to now? Newt?

John McCain is going down in flames. Ron Paul has more money than Senator Surge; the Maverick is going to be the first one forced to quit the race. The guy who's been leading in the polls for the Republics the past year, the famously cross-dressing Rudy Giuliani, is also quite stupid relative to historical comparisons. No surprise there. Again, most conservatives are equally ignorant of facts, so they may not hold it against him.

Is there a second-tier candidate who can capitalize on the front-runners' missteps? Duncan "Ann Coulter is a great American" Hunter? Tom "Kill the Illegals" Tancredo? Mike "WTF?" Huckabee? I know I'm leaving out some conservative stalwart ...

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and the Right has got to be feeling mighty queasy these days.

LiveEarth concerts all day

On Bravo now, also MSNBC, CNBC, Telemundo, Sundance and NBC tonight.

Former vice-president's son busted for drugs

I wonder what kind of car he was driving:

A new book by Texas author J.H. Hatfield claims that George W. Bush was arrested for cocaine possession in 1972, but had his record expunged with help from his family's political connections. In an afterword to his book "Fortunate Son: George W. Bush and the Making of an American President" (St. Martin's), Hatfield says he took a second look at the Bush cocaine allegations after a story in Salon reporting allegations that Bush did community service for the crime at the Martin Luther King Jr. Community Center in Houston's Third Ward.

The center's executive director, Madgelean Bush (no relation to George W. Bush), had told Salon News and others that Bush did not do community service there, and the Bush campaign likewise denied the allegation. But the Texas governor had admitted to working at Houston's Project P.U.L.L. in 1972, and Hatfield says he began to wonder if that was actually the community service sentence. Hatfield says he confirmed those suspicions with three sources close to the Bush family he had cultivated while writing his biography, which publishes Wednesday.

By contrast, "First Son: George W. Bush and the Family Dynasty," by Dallas Morning News reporter Bill Minutaglio, says George Bush Sr. referred his son to Project P.U.L.L. after an incident in which George W. drove drunk with his younger brother Marvin in the car.

But Hatfield quotes "a high-ranking advisor to Bush" who confirmed that Bush was arrested for cocaine possession in Houston in 1972, and had the record expunged by a judge who was "a fellow Republican and elected official" who helped Bush get off "with a little community service at a minority youth center instead of having to pick cotton on a Texas prison farm."

When you stumble across douchebaggery like this, it always helps to get, you know, a "fair and balanced" perspective.

Victor Rita also deserves to have his sentence commuted

Keeping with the hypocrisy theme (and rather than just decrying the obvious) , my man David points to an American who deserves a commutation:

In a decision announced on June 21, 2007, the US Supreme Court in Rita v. United States upheld as reasonable under federal sentencing law a prison sentence of 33 months for the offense of perjury committed in testimony to a grand jury, which is virtually the same sentence imposed on Scooter Libby for the same offense.

The defendant Victor Rita was a 25-year military veteran with 35 commendations, awards and medals for his military service, and in poor medical condition. He contended that the length of his prison term was unreasonable in light of his exemplary service to the country and his health circumstances. The Supreme Court granted review in order to examine and clarify the issue of how to determine the reasonableness of a prison sentence.

Twelve days after the Supreme Court held as a matter of law that a sentence of 33 months of prison for perjury was reasonable for a decorated veteran in poor health, the president, whose sworn duty is to see that the laws are faithfully executed, commuted Scooter Libby's similar sentence for the same offense as "excessive". The federal Sentencing Guidelines say that 33 months is the recommended minimum sentence for the crime of perjury, with the recommended range being 33-41 months. According to the nation's president, however, the Sentencing Guideline for this is too harsh.

Victor Rita's sentence should be commuted, don't you think?

Indeed we do.

Republican Outrage at Libby Scooting

It's not just us; Republicans are equally incensed over Bush's commutation of Scooter Libby's prison sentence:

"How can parents instill values and morality in their children?" asked a befuddled Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-NE). "How can educators teach our children? How can the rule of law for every American be applied equally if we have two standards of justice in America – one for the powerful and the other for the rest of us?"

Former Senator Bill Frist joined Hagel in slamming Bush's actions, saying the commutation amounted to unfair treatment. "He is not above the law," said the clearly enraged Republican from Tennessee. "If an ordinary citizen committed these crimes, he would go to jail."

You would think, of all places, President Bush would find some love in his home state of Texas -- but not so. Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison said the Libby communion jeopardizes the nation’s entire legal system.

"I very much worry that with the evidence that we have seen that grand juries across America are going to start asking questions about what is obstruction of justice, what is perjury," the senator said. "And I don't want there to be any lessening of the standard. Because our system of criminal justice depends on people telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. That is the lynch pin of our criminal justice system and I don't want it to be faded in any way."

Fellow Republican Texan Tom Delay, himself indicted, nonetheless issued a scathing attack on the commutation.

"No man is above the law, and no man is below the law," Delay said, choking back tears. "That's the principle that we all hold very dear in this country."

There's more. From Ohio Republican Steve Chabot -- who also served as one of the House managers in the impeachment trial of President Clinton: "It would be wrong for you to send a message to every American that it's acceptable to lie under oath and obstruct a federal investigation. It would be wrong for you to tell America's children that some lies are all right. It would be wrong to show the rest of the world that some of our laws don't really matter."

Robert Bork and James Rosen, in the National Review: "Lying under oath strikes at the heart of our system of justice and the rule of law. It does not matter in the least what the perjury is about ..."

Virtues paragon Bill Bennett, speaking to the WSJ: "And we know that when a person testifies under oath that he doesn't remember something when in fact he does, he has committed perjury."

And when asked his opinion of Alberto Gonzales, Bennett replied, "Ditto".

(Of course, these Republicans weren't talking about Libby at all. They are actual quotes, all made during the Clinton impeachment.)

Six Degrees of Presidential Separation (or, Kevin Bacon Goes to Washington)

It's a small, small world for pardons, after all:

Before entering government, ("Scooter") Libby was a private attorney who represented billionaire international commodities trader Marc Rich. Rich was indicted in 1983 by then-U.S. Attorney Rudolph Giuliani on charges of tax evasion and illegal dealing with Iran during the American hostage crisis.

Rich fled to Switzerland. He also occupied a spot on the FBI's Most Wanted List.

Giuliani, former mayor of New York, is now a leading Republican presidential candidate. He endorsed Bush's decision to spare Libby jail time even though he'd tried to put Libby's client behind bars.

"After evaluating the facts, the president came to a reasonable decision, and I believe the decision was correct," Giuliani said.

Rich's fugitive days ended when President Clinton pardoned him in January 2001, a move that prompted a congratulatory call from Libby to Rich. The pardon raised questions about whether large donations to the Democratic Party and the Clinton Library by Rich's former wife, Denise, had anything to do with it.

Clinton, of course, is married to Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York, who is a Democratic front-runner for the White House. She blasted Bush's decision on Libby, leaving out any mention of Libby's connection to Rich — or Rich at all, for that matter.

Independence Day Funnies (or is it Amnesty edition)

Scooter Libby, Libby, Libby goes to prison, prison, prison

And we like it, like it, like it

'less there's a pardon, pardon, pardon.

(If you're old enough to get this, then you're at least as old as me.)

Update (5:30 p.m.): No, he's not going to prison after all, thanks to his friend and fellow criminal George W. Bush.

Pre-Fourth Postpourri

-- We spent the weekend in San Antonio for the Progressive Populist Caucus' annual retreat, but we renamed it the "full frontal assault", since we advanced so many Tzu-like plans to turn Texas blue.

-- Our dinner guests Saturday evening included David and Rachel Van Os and SDEC member Linda Perez of Floresville, and we dined at Ernesto's. A wonderful meal and even better company.

-- On the return trip we paused at Frank's Restaurant in Schulenburg. The fried chicken was piping hot and right out of the grease. The wife also noted that chicken doesn't taste that good unless the grease is very fresh, too. This was about 1:30 in the afternoon, so either Frank's family is fastidious about their fryers or else they go through a lot of canola oil. Judging from the girth of the regular patrons, I would suspect the latter (although the former, I'm certain, is no less accurate).

About Frank's clientele: There were one or two Latin and African-Americans on the waitstaff, but none being waited on. I haven't seen so many Kluckers gathered together after Sunday service since I stopped at Gary's Coffee Shop in Vidor, on the way to Lose-iana. One of my unfortunate talents is a capacity to read the minds of people like this when I am surrounded by them: "An' I don't want no black girl or a Messican waitin' on me; send over the whitest, fattest Baptist in the place to take my order."

-- Sue's mother went back into the hospital while we were out of town. She has a thrush infection in her mouth.

-- We can see the fireworks show at Reliant Park from our fifth-floor window. How cool is it to be able to watch 'Entourage' and fireworks at the same time?

Sunday Funnies