"Wal-Mart announced this week that the best-selling item on Black Friday was a pack of towels that sold for $1.74. So heads up, kids: Christmas is gonna suck."
-- Seth Meyers
Megyn Kelly: For all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white.
Stephen Colbert: Yes. Thank you. For all those kids watching Fox News at 9:40 at night, Santa is white. Besides, a black Santa is a terrible idea. If a homeowner in Florida sees a black man coming down their chimney, he is going to get shot. 'Officer, I was only defending my milk and cookies!'"
-- The Colbert Report
"Santa is just white? Who are you actually talking to? Children who are sophisticated enough to be watching a news channel at 10 o'clock at night, yet innocent enough to still believe Santa Claus is real, yet racist enough to be freaked out if he isn’t white."
-- Jon Stewart
President Obama shook hands with Cuban dictator Raul Castro. Or as Fox News reported it: "Foreign communist shakes hands with the leader of Cuba."
-- Conan O'Brien